Tara, period.

go go go!

2009-08-25T15:25:00.002-05:00

Go read my other blog!

It's easy, I promise!

Just click the words below and whoosh - you'll be there. :)

heyheytara.posterous.com

Creature of change.

2009-08-18T19:26:00.005-05:00

I am so incredibly behind in updating this thing. Ugh!

Remember that list I had, in the last entry, of things I wanted to write about and update you on? Yeah. That may not actually happen. I'm sorry! But know this - everything on that list was something that has impacted my time here in a wonderful and beautiful way. I have so many memories from this place and my time here, and I love it. I'm so grateful to God!

Here's something, though. I think it's time to change switch around this blog thing. I've used this site for a good two years now, and I'm up for a change. It's really not that big of a deal, but I want to start putting my thoughts down in a different place. I'm a creature of change and I need a new start.

And I'd like you to come along with me.

All of that to say - I'm going to start writing in a new place. This old blog will still exist for a while, but within a month or two, I'm probably going to delete it. (I only feel okay about doing this because my wonderful family has printed out pretty much everything I've ever written on here. Yay for memories!)

So the next time you're curious about what's going on in my crazy head, please go to

heyheytara.posterous.com

and you can find me there. You can see pictures and still comment, and I would love to see you there.

Always,

Tara.

great/beautiful/precious.

2009-07-03T20:23:00.003-05:00

I have so, so much that I want to write about!

Camp Genesis.

Volunteering at the hospital.

The killer migraine I just had.

The Lakeview Girls' Outing today.

Fourth of July/where I was a year ago.

How I saw a glimpse of God's character while getting a head massage.

My future plan thingies.

But...I don't really have much time to write right now. And I want to have plenty of time and space to write about these things, because these are great and beautiful and precious things to me. They are my "recently past current" (or just plain current) events, things that I am gleaning bits of wisdom from - and I'd like to share some of those bits one day.

But that day is not today.

It will, however, be soon.

So - I'll be right back! :)

Love,

Tara.

"And I just loved you."

2009-06-12T14:13:00.002-05:00

I'm watching "Sweet Home Alabama." I haven't seen this movie in ages.

It's pretty good. Like most movies today, it has some things in it that are totally unnecessary to the plot that could be taken out and that would make the movie a little cleaner - but other than that, it's pretty good. Watching it again brings back all the memories of when I watched it the first time, and that's the longest story of my life.

Okay, maybe not THE longest, but a pretty long one anyway.

I took today off, even though it's Friday. I didn't really get a day off this week since I had volunteer orientation at the hospital Monday and Tuesday morning, and Wednesday afternoon, and I feel like I've been on the run for a good amount of time now. I needed a day where I could say, "Alright. What do I want to do now?" And after I do that, I can do the next thing that I want to do. No plans. No expectations. Just...open. Put some gas in the car and just do whatever.

That might be selfish, but I haven't gotten to do it for a while, and I won't get to do it for another while, so today was the day. I cleaned some, drove out to Dale (woo! Mini road trip. I loved it), went to Starbucks and read my book (Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy), went to Walmart and got some new flip-flops (the last two pair I've bought have been the wrong size) and some new earrings (studs - I can't wear dangly ones when I volunteer at the hospital), and then came home and had lunch and started watching the movie.

Who else knows what will happen today. Maybe I'll write some more later. :)

TaraRowan

For tomorrow.

2009-06-09T19:21:00.002-05:00

Oh, today was a day.

You might think, "Well of course today was a day. A day is a twenty-four hour time period in which one has time to both be awake and asleep, to be productive and to rest, to make hundreds and hundreds of choices that may or may not have a lasting effect. So of course today was a day."

And you'd be right in thinking that. Today, in many ways, was a typical day. Twenty-four hours, being awake and asleep, producing and resting, and choice upon choice.

But what I mean when I say that today was a day is that today was one of THOSE days.

You know the ones.

The ones that just start off on the wrong side of the metaphorical bed?

The ones that find you being late and you can't figure out why?

The ones where you spill milk, the worst substance to spill because not only does it make a mess, but it soaks in and rots?

The ones where not only do you spill that milk, but you spill it on your bed?

The ones where you lay down to take that nap, but you just can't get to sleep?

Yeah. It was one of those.

But you know, there were good parts too. Thank God, seriously, for the good, beautiful, small, little, seemingly unimportant wonderful things that bump into you when you're having one of those days.

I am ready for tomorrow though.

Grown-Up Update, Or Something.

2009-05-28T22:23:00.003-05:00

Dear World,

I would just like you to know that I just killed a spider.

I know, I know, it's not that big of a deal. It's just a spider. I'm sure it wasn't even deadly, and it didn't even show signs of hostility towards me (or Fish Vera Wang), but I am just not okay with that thing crawling around my apartment! Next thing you know, I'll wake up with it on my face.

So clearly not okay.

I would just like to document this moment - I, Tara, have killed my first ever spider.

And I did it. Alone. And out of my very own will power.

But just for posterity's sake, I should mention that I called my dad while I did it, so that I could have a witness, and for some encouragement. (I know it's dumb, but what if that thing had LEAPT?!) Also, I may - just may - have squealed just a little bit when I went in for the kill.

But none of that matters, World. The point is that I did it! I'm starting to be a real-life grown up!

...or something like that.

More grown-up updates to come.

Love,

Tara.

Love love. Love,

2009-05-23T23:23:00.002-05:00

The wedding was beautiful. It was amazing. It was fun, spunky, energetic, and tender too.

I loved it!

I hope that one day, iffin' I get married ever (emphasis on the ever), that mine is similar to how Shane and Lauren's was.

Love weddings.

Love love.

Love,

Tara.

The beauty in my life.

2009-05-23T08:59:00.002-05:00

Isn't it crazy

How [life] slips right into your [life]

Forces everything else to the side

Fall in love at a glance, and that's alright

Isn't it crazy

How we never felt {so alive}

Until your world collided with mine

Trade love for a chance, that's alright

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always

I never knew I could love someone

Never knew I could feel [so complete]

After all is said and done, our love will still be holding up strong

I'd give all I have for love, that's alright

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always

After all {we have each other}

Nothing can hold us back from all

that this life has put in our path

We will survive

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always

"Always" by Stars Go Dim

The song my cousin's fiancee is walking down the aisle to. Beautiful. Listen to it. Today!

Love,

Tara.

I'm helped to see.

2009-05-22T22:28:00.004-05:00

Photography helps people to see. (Berenice Abbott)

Today was good. I felt like there were lots of moments of creativity, lots of times of thinking about what would look nice in a beautiful and simple way, lots of times of deciding things in a happy way. I loved decorating for the rehearsal dinner, and taking pictures of the rehearsal and the eating and the dinner (which I guess are the same things, but "the dinner" seems more like the act of people sitting around, being together, eating. Or something).

I love, love, love taking pictures. I wish I was better at it. Maybe one day, I will be. But for tonight, it was enough to do be able to have as much fun with it as I did.

I know it sounds kind of crazy probably, but I just feel like I am significantly more at peace with a camera in front of my face. I like looking at the world through a frame. It feels nice and makes my brain slow down for just a second. I love it.

But anyway, maybe I'll take some more tomorrow. I hope so. There are other plans for tomorrow too - I have some late birthday things to do for my Ma, like take her to Bath & Body Works, and to Thai Thai. Needless to say, I'm excited.

I'm so glad for this trip. I love Lubbock, and I love my family. I enjoy weddings, I enjoy taking photographs. I'm enjoying this.

I'm blessed.

Love,

Tara.

PS: Below is a picture I took today, one of my favorites.

Navy Taxi.

2009-05-21T20:28:00.003-05:00

Take your time, love, because you don't have to rush. 'Cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart - don't let them put you in a box.

- "Navy Taxi" by Kate Nash

I'm in Lubbock, in a hotel room.

The hotel room of my nearly-married cousin, to be more specific.

I can't believe someone that I feel close to is getting married.

But here's the thing: it's actually two someones, because my long-time friend from elementary/middle/high school/present times is also getting married, in a little over a month.

It just reminds me that I'm growing up, and along with the twelvepointsevenmillion other reminders that I feel like I'm getting, it just feels a little overwhelming.

I know I'm not doing it alone, I know that.

It's just a little hard to come in contact with so many people who seem to not even be close to alone.

But as my good friend Lily says -

"God is great. Coffee is good. People are crazy."

Love,

Tara.

Eighteen's good enough for me.

2009-05-18T21:48:00.004-05:00

Oh this blog. It seems like I neglect it until that point where it seems I have too much information to not post something, just in case there are some people out there who don't have a clue where I am or what I doing. Which is entirely possible for the aforementioned reason - I neglect my blog. :)

So, here are the updates, in the form of a numbered list- because it's just easier that way.

o1. I now live in Shawnee, Oklahoma.
o2. I have my own apartment.
o3. And yes, I live alone.
o4. And yes, I'm still in the AIM program.
05. I'm just finishing out my time on a field that's less than two hours from my house. Which, I know, is kind of funny in a sort of weird way.

o6. I'm working with Lakeview church of Christ.

o7. It's out in Bethel Acres, Oklahoma - a short ten minutes from Shawnee.

o8. I love that congregation, already. They are flawed, beautiful, outreaching, struggling, accepting, and loving. I like that they put me to use so quickly without abusing me.

09. I'm looking at different places to volunteer at in Shawnee during the week.

10. I've applied at the local hospital, the Red Cross, and I'm thinking about the Salvation Army.

11. There are tons of opportunities.

12. I also am a sort of "on-call" receptionist for Family Promise, an organization that helps homeless families get back on their feet.

13. Obviously, I also try to help out around the church - doing random bits wherever they need me.

14. I'll be teaching the kindergarten Bible school class this summer, and I'm pretty excited about that.

15. I have a weekly date with the church vacuum cleaner.

16. The sentence I have said most often in my experience in ministry? "Just put me where you need me most."

17. I think that there is a lot of potential here, and a lot of work to be done.

18. I have been on my field one month (as of tomorrow), and have had the following emotions so far: exhaustion, mild frustration, wonder, surprise, awkwardness, extreme gratitude, love, delight, happiness, joy.

I could go on forever, I know. But I think eighteen is just enough.

If you have any questions or comments, once again, please don't hesitate. ASK. One thing about me putting my life out here in this form, for whoever to read, is that I make it available for questioning, open for prodding - a scary thing for sure. But there's a strength in being transparent and vulnerable, and that's the truth.

So, ask. Question. Comment. Tell me. Talk with me. Let me know. I'm here!

Thanks for reading.

-Tara.

I agree with Ingrid.

2009-04-15T17:47:00.002-05:00

I have watched so many movies lately - it's been pretty wonderful.

Casablanca. An Affair to Remember. Funny Face. The Way We Were. Ice Castles. Pretty in Pink. Only You.

Ridiculous, huh? And there's more to come.

No art passes our conscience in the way film does, and goes directly to our feelings, deep down in the dark rooms of our souls. (Ingrid Bergman)

Whatever you are.

2009-04-11T18:52:00.003-05:00

I should have written this as soon as I got back, but I didn't.

And as I like to say, "No time like when I should have done it, a while ago!"

Anyway, I'm home - in Oklahoma. Right now, I'm in Duncan. In my old house, with all its same smells, and in my room, with its same bed and blankets and pillows. I've missed it, truly.

The plans are as follows: I'm going up to Shawnee to continue my AIM time. Yes, that's right - I will be doing mission work in Shawnee, Oklahoma! I know, it's hard to really imagine. Most people define mission work (even if just subconsciously) as something that must be done on foreign soil. SO not true!

God's people - every single person He created - need God. We also need each other: to help, to listen, to babysit, to call, to text, to teach kids' Bible school class, to volunteer, to drink coffee with, to serve soup, to see at church, to laugh with, to call crying, to do office work, to answer the phones, to answer questions, to talk to, to hear us, to help us figure out life, to help us understand, to read with us, to help us find the right path and understand God's character more. I am a firm believer that God created us to be in relationship with Him, and with one another - and that relationship that we have with one another takes a lot of different shapes and sizes. You can teach someone a lot about what God is like by how you act, and how you serve, and how you live, and what you say. We are here to help each other.

And so I am going to help whoever I can help in Shawnee, Oklahoma.

I had the same goal when I went to South Africa. I wanted to listen, watch, hear, observe, learn, teach, serve, help. And I do think that I did those things. But I was also profoundly affected - I was listened to, watched, heard, observed, taught, served, helped...by both the people there and my team. I'm sure the same thing will happen in Shawnee. It's a give and take. You have an impact on who you are around, and in return - you are impacted. What a beautiful circle.

So that's the update. I seriously, truly, honestly am going to try more to write in this. Agh, why do I find it so hard to stay consistent with this? I will keep trying.

If you have any questions, please, please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't hesitate to ask me. Post it on here. Email me. Call me. Facebook me. Send me smoke signals, a carrier pidgeon, Morse code. Anything! Just don't be afraid to ask, and don't take the long road and ask someone else. I'm here. As one of my favorite teachers once said, "There are no stupid questions - just stupid people afraid to ask." :)

Love,

Tara.

Whatever you are, be a good one. (Abraham Lincoln)

Time.

2009-04-01T17:19:00.004-05:00

It's time.
I'm sure that most everyone who reads this thing knows this by now, but I am no longer in South Africa.
I left on March 25th, and the reasons for that departure run deep. To put it simply, I felt like it was time to let God take me in a different direction. I needed to take a bigger leap of faith in God. It doesn't have anything to do with my teammates or my coordinators or the South African people - it's a decision based on how I felt I was serving my God and those around me. I need time to heal, time to be away, and a new place to serve. I'm still in the AIM program and I will be until graduation, in March 2010. I'm just going to serve in a different place.
And God, as always, has provided.
I am in Oklahoma now, and I will be for the next few weeks. I am hoping to see lots of people that I've missed, so I'm going to be all over the place. But I have a new cell phone number and an old email address, so if you want to contact me, it won't be hard. I'd love to hear from you and answer any questions you have.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support through this crazy journey. Where would I be without you?
See you soon!
It's time.
-Tara.

"Things change, but your ability to love remains intact."

- Reese Witherspoon.

Not the big news, but a brownbag nonetheless.

2009-03-18T15:15:00.002-05:00

[Brown bag - 18 March, 2009.]

Hey guys! I hope you’re having a great time at Camp Adventure! I loved it - both when I went as a camper, and last year, when I was an AIMer. It’s a lot of work, and it’s exhausting, but I think that what you gain from those days is worth every bit of energy you spend. I encourage you to put your whole heart into what you are doing, and keep your eyes wide open for what God is teaching you. Sometimes He uses the smallest things to teach us what we most need to learn, and that is a beautiful thing.

I was trying to think of a cool story from South Africa to share with you, and I couldn’t really come up with anything big. I didn’t see any lions walking out and about, there weren’t any sharks the last time we went to the beach, and the roof on our hut doesn’t leak anymore. (Just kidding about the hut - we live in a nice, second-story flat. One that doesn’t leak.) Most of the stories I can think to tell you are about the little things, the tiny moments and surprises that make you stop and be grateful for the life you have.

One of these moments happened just the other day. At the end of our hallway, there is an older Indian (Not Native American, but from India!) lady. There are always these wonderful food smells coming from her flat, and sometimes she leaves her door propped open and we see her doing laundry. Sasha and I were coming home just a few days ago, and we were laughing and carrying on about something, and we saw her. The three of us exchanged the usual, “Hey, how are you? Good, thanks!” As we turned to walk away, she said, “I’ve been missing you guys!” It was just a really neat thing to happen. I mean, we’ve never even really talked to her before - she’s only heard us being loud in the hallway (a hard habit to break for the typical American). I guess she hadn’t had her door propped open the last few days, or maybe she’d been out visiting a friend or something. Either way, it was a nice surprise to hear from a stranger that we’ve been missed...or even that we had been noticed.

I just think that those surprises, those little things that happen even though you don’t expect them, can be the most wonderful moments in your life. Sometimes they change how you see people around you, sometimes they change how you see yourself. And sometimes, they can even change your entire life.

Like the Samaritan woman at the well, in John 4.1-26. This is a story we all have heard more than once - and for good reason. There are so many lessons to learn from these 26 verses! But as good as it is for us to read and to draw wisdom from, it was REAL for one woman. This lady - a social outcast who had been married five times, a woman who was living with a man she wasn’t married to - had come to the well at a time of day when the other women weren’t there. She didn’t want to have to face them, or face anyone who knew her past and how she was choosing to live. She just wanted to get water, and to get it alone.

But then she got a surprise - there was a man there. Jesus, the gift of God, the Giver of eternal life, the Messiah. He was there, and He wanted water...from her. As they talk, she discovers that He knows more about her than she knows about herself. But He doesn’t condemn her - He makes her curious about the truth, and He teaches her. That might have been the best surprise of all.

I just want to encourage you to watch for those surprises in your life. They’re there - notice them and be thankful. Things happen in this life that are unexpected, and they mess up all your plans, and they can make life more difficult for a while - but they can also change your heart. They can change everything. Never forget that God is in control of it all, that He’s faithful and that He keeps His promises no matter what changes in life.

Enjoy the rest of your Camp Adventure! Take too many pictures, laugh too loud, spend time with your friends, learn more than you thought possible. And watch out for those surprises - they’ll get you every time. :)

Love,

Tara.

[shout outs]

To Lily - You are the wind beneath my wings, and the guardian angel that I accidentally ran over that one time on the way to Hart. I love you.

To Ginger - I do miss your shoulders and elbows! Awkward...but you know what I mean.

To Jewel - I love seeing pictures of you and your smile. Our small group was the best. That night we carved pumpkins? Oh, the most fun! I love you. Keep Steve out of trouble.

To the South Africa team - I heard good things about you guys. Anybody that can make Diana laugh gets points in my book! Hope you guys are staying sane. Enjoy this time.

To my classmates - Can you believe it’s been a year since we had our Camp Adventure? Yeah, me neither. What a ride it’s been. I’m still praying for you! Remember when Charles Speers talked about red hot lovers?

To all the campers considering AIM - Think about it. Don’t rule it out. It’s a crazy thing that can take you crazy places and teach you crazy lessons, if you’re open to it. Crazy and beautiful things can happen. Be open, willing, and ask yourself what’s stopping you. You are in the prayers of many.

To Ralph - You are a good man, and a good example. Thank you for everything. PS: I emailed you!

To Pat - Have you ever watched the show “Reba?” Mike and I think that you talk like the dad on that show. You maybe should check it out. Miss you, Patricia.

To Barb - You have more strength than can be measured! Hug Amy for me, and know that you are appreciated and loved. I once heard someone describe you as the ray of sunshine in the dark basement - it’s kind of corny, but so true. Oh how I miss you! Hold down the fort. :)

Grace.

2009-03-10T14:21:00.002-05:00

Grace

Scales the wall and refuses to be restricted.

Grace

lives above the demands of human opinion and breaks free legalistic relations.

Grace

dares us to take hold of the sledges of courage, break through long-standing stones.

Grace

invites us to chart new courses and explore ever-expanding regions, all the while delighting in the unexpected, while others care more about maintaining the wall and fearing those who guard it.

Grace

is constantly looking for ways of freedom.

Grace

wants to fly, regardless of what grim-faced officials may say or do.

Grace

is demonstrated in the words of Jesus Christ:

"If therefore the Son shall make you free, you are free indeed."

[Pat Baxter]

This is a poem by a man who lives here in Port Elizabeth. I've never met him, but Tyler and Uncle Ivan have, and Uncle Ivan gave Sasha and me a nice, printed-out version of this poem.

I just wanted to share it with you, because I thought it was really beautiful.

-Tara.

PS: There is a blog coming up, and it's going to have some big news in it. I hope you are prepared.

Two adjectives.

2009-01-30T05:50:00.003-06:00

It is enough for a disciple to become like his teacher and a slave like his master.

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

I have been thinking a lot lately about the ideas of those adjectives - enough, sufficient. They are big ideas, huge concepts. This world is so full of people searching for completion in some form. We are all searching for more. More money. More shoes. More food. More CDs. More clothes. More beauty. And, closer to home -

More control.

More peace.

More happiness.

More love.

More acceptance.

If you stop and think for a second about why you do the things you do, you'll probably find that it's because you're looking for more. That's what I find, anyway. It's not entirely a bad thing, you know? I believe that we were made to search, made to look, made to seek things that are bigger than what we are. God made us to look for things. We are small, and there are so many wonderfully gigantic ideas out there that are worthy of thought and application in our lives. We have to look for these things and get beyond ourselves.

But there are things that are enough. There are things that are sufficient for us. Things that we can think on and say, "That is it. That is all I need. That is enough." Our problem is when we forget what these things are, forget that other people need to know about them, forget that looking anywhere else will only make us feel incomplete.

It is enough for us to be like Jesus. It is enough for God to be gracious to us. It is enough to be loved by God. It is enough to be cared for, protected, cradled by God. It is sufficient that God wants our everything. It is sufficient that God will fight for us. It is sufficient that Jesus died once. It is sufficient that we have salvation.

It is enough, it is enough, it is enough.

And it is sufficient.

The preacher at Pickering Street church of Christ here in Port Elizabeth said this not too long ago, and it stuck. "Give God your poverty, the very weakness of your life. Sometimes we think we have to give God a show of strength, but He WANTS to work in a life that is totally emptied, totally dependent."

I want to give God my everything, all my life long, and I want Him to work in my weakness. At the end of my life, I want to be able to collapse in God's arms and say, "I am exhausted. And you were right all along - You were enough. You are sufficient. And I love you."

This is just some of my heart. I hope you can identify with it, find some comfort in it.

I love you guys. I miss you.

-Tara.

Oh that Sylvia Plath.

2009-01-28T12:45:00.002-06:00

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart - I am. I am. I am."

-Sylvia Plath.

You know, Sylvia Plath may have been one really messed-up lady, but I think she struck truth with this one.

Sometimes life gets so messy. Things get so jumbled up, and confused, and painful. Life is never black and white anymore. It's technicolor - which means it's both beautiful and complicated.

Sometimes I need to just sit in the closet without the light on, and I need to breathe. I need to know that my lungs are still functioning and my heart is still beating - because most days, strangely enough, I don't notice them. I need to settle my thoughts back down and realize what a beautiful thing it is to just be. I am, I am, I am. Here, right now, this is me breathing and beating and living.

Even if I can't manage to do anything else right - or anything else, period - I have that knowledge that if I'm still functioning and capable of conscious thought, then there must be a reason. Somewhere, there's a reason. There always is.

Oh, that Sylvia Plath.

-Tara.

Here's to everything.

2009-01-24T05:39:00.003-06:00

It has been a while.

One day, I'll be really good at blogging. One day, the entries will be numerous, consistent, truthful, inspiring. One day, I'll figure out the right balance between telling too much and telling enough. One day, I'll know how to write to keep them coming back for more.

But that day, unfortunately, is not today.

I've actually been avoiding a new entry. I've tried to write, believe me, but it just didn't feel like it was coming out right. So after a bazillion tries, I decided to just wait until it came out properly.

It's just frustrating, you know? I liked doing this, once upon a time. I was good at it once, or at least bearable. But then, I don't know, the break-in happened, culture shock happened, confusion about life in general happened. And I wasn't sure how to convey all of that in a proper, easy-and-fun-to-read way. So I just didn't.

But here's to second/third/twelfth chances. Here's to renewing commitment. Here's to no judgment. Here's to truth, here's to writing, here's to having a place to go. Here's to love, here's to peace (inner and outer), here's to cold showers on hot days. Here's to traveling, here's to pictures, here's to Converse and new pens. Here's to starting over.

Here's to you.

Talk to you soon.

-Tara

But godliness with contentment is a great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these.

- 1 Timothy 6.6-8

2008-12-19T13:24:00.002-06:00

You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You,

for it is trusting in You.

-Isaiah 26.3

A better day today, although it was spent almost entirely in solitude. Maybe because it was spent almost entirely in solitude?

There's a time.

2008-12-18T10:56:00.000-06:00

It's a funny thing, irritation.

What's the line between irritation and anger? When does frustration turn into wrath? How do anger and wrath look different, and are irritation and frustration the same thing?

I'm just thinking all of these things because I was irritated, or frustrated, or whatever, just now.

And really, what a weird feeling. That instantaneous, gut-clinching, wall-building, fist-raising feeling of "are you SERIOUS?" I hate that feeling.

Which is why I'm trying to second-guess it, you know? Decide if it's really worthwhile or not.

Because - as we all know - there is such a thing as anger that exists for stupid reasons.

It's hard to be frustrated and have to consciously decide, "I will let this go. I will unclench the knots in my stomach. I will not raise my voice, fist, or walls around my heart. I will let it go, because chances are, it's not a big deal anyway."

There is a time to fight, and a time to just drop it.

In other news, I'm reading this book, Shantaram (by Gregory David Roberts). I am pretty sure that it was written as a memoir, a true story about something that the author actually did. He tells about how he was in prison in Australia - sentenced to twenty years because of armed robberies - and how he escaped over the front wall of the prison. He went, as a fugitive, to Bombay, India. I haven't gotten far enough in the book to know how long he stays there or what exactly happens, but I've read enough to know that he gets involved with the Bombay mafia, as a street fighter. I'm going to put the first few sentences here, just to give you a feel for the book.

It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when it's all you've got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life.

In my case, it's a long story, and a crowded one. I was a revolutionary who lost his ideals in heroin, a philosopher who lost his integrity in crime, and a poet who lost his soul in a maximum-security prison...

This book, I'm telling you, is so good. I wish I could write like he does, explain and describe like he does. Part of me wishes I could go on adventures like he does, but the other part knows that I am just as content to sit here on my bed and read about them.

So I encourage you to go out and find a copy of this book, and read it. Take it for what it's worth, but read it and soak it in. We can learn a lot from what others go through.

That's all for today. It's very humid and I'm thirsty.

Love you guys.

-Tara.

It's different.

2008-12-16T04:17:00.004-06:00

It's hot here.

It's 16 December and it's hot.

And there's a beach outside my window.

And all the cars are driving on the other side of the road.

And there are no green dollar bills in my wallet.

And I live in a flat.

And I have roommates.

And I have to dial a lot of numbers to talk to my family.

And all the electrical sockets look weird.

And I talk differently than everybody on the outside.

...And did I mention it was hot?

That it was hot in December?

So I'm missing home a lot. I think this feeling started back in October, because October starts my favorite time of the year. Fall, football season, cooler weather, leaves, scarves, hot drinks, grey skies, holidays.

At least, that's what it's like back "home."

It's different here in the RSA. A lot different.

I am learning so much. Different isn't bad, it's just...different. It is what it is. I wanted to experience a new place, and I am experiencing it to its fullest - in all its difference.

It's hard, it hurts, and I miss you guys.

I love the packages and letters and cards that you send. They give me the strangest feelings - joy at hearing from you, hurt that I can't be with you, determination to finish this thing, sadness because I miss you more than I thought possible.

Since we're telling the truth here, I should say that sometimes when I open the packages, I go through them and then I have to put the stuff away for a while, just because it makes me so sad. But don't worry - a few days later, I always come back to it and appreciate it even more.

Adjusting, learning, trying, seeking, working, missing, deciding, doing, breathing - living.

Love you guys. I'm going to try to get back into the swing of writing in here, so expect more of these, okay?

-Tara.

Brrrrrrrown Baaaaaag.

2008-12-10T03:56:00.000-06:00

Hey hey, you guys! How are things going there? I hear it's cold and windy and snowy. No lie, I'm pretty jealous. Enjoy it, be happy for it, take lots of pictures in it - because when you celebrate Christmas next year, you may be in a place where it is completely different.

For this brown bag letter, I'd like to tell you about the place where I'm working. It's called the House of Resurrection, and it's an AIDS Haven. It's like a nursing home, except it's for people who have AIDS. The patients live there, sleep there, eat there, everything. I just started working at The Haven about a month ago, so I'm still learning the ins and outs of the place, but I've really enjoyed my work so far. They have about 10 or 15 adults that live there, and a lot of children - all under the age of 12, I would guess. Some of the kids are really very sick, and the secretary said the reason they don't have older kids is because they just simply don't live that long. What a huge reminder that life is not to be wasted.

I've been working in the nursery with the babies, which is both challenging and fun. There are 2 girls and 5 boys that stay in the nursery, and they are all at different levels of health. The Haven is for children and adults who have gone into the hospital because they've gotten sick and are HIV-positive, but they can't take care of themselves. Some of the babies and the kids are AIDS orphans, but most (if not all) of them are HIV-positive. There's one baby boy who is a year and a half old, and he just came in a few weeks ago. His forearm is the width of my thumb - he's very sick. Everytime I see him, I think of how fragile life is, and how dangerous the consequences of our actions can be. Amazing how little Lusipho can make me think twice about how I affect people. He won't even remember me.

I have learned a lot from working at The Haven. I think the first thing I learned there is that kids are kids, no matter where they are, no matter how sick they are. Babies cry for the same reasons all over the world. Kids steal toys from each other no matter what they're playing with, and they'll always find a way to entertain themselves. It's amazing, and I just know that God created them to be that way. The second thing I learned is that people in this world need a lot of love, and to stop giving is not an option. For example, my second day of working in the nursery, the head nurse left me alone with the seven babies. ("Babies" meaning anywhere from a year to three years old.) They were hungry and cranky and their Barney tape was over, and I had no clue what to do. Three of them were crying, one was holding onto my leg for dear life, two needed to be changed, and the other one was somehow sleeping through it all. They each needed attention in a different way, but I couldn't give them everything they needed at once. What I wanted to do was sit down and relax for a second, but there was no way I could do that to them. They needed things! So what did I do? Loaded up as many as I could in my arms (and the one on my leg!) and went down the hall to get help.

Working at The Haven has taught me a lot about God. He is so huge, so infinite, that He can give each of us exactly what we need without thinking twice. He doesn't have to think about which one of us comes before the other - our needs all matter. Our needs are all the same. My needs are the same as the needs of the people who stay at The Haven. Your needs are the same as the needs of the person next to you. They all matter equally to God. He loves us all equally. He chose us, He wants us. He wants to take care of our needs. Do we let Him?

How often do we grab onto Him, hang onto His hand for dear life?

Some days at The Haven are very difficult. To tell you otherwise would be lying. But that's how it goes in ministry, especially when you work with people who are very broken and very sick. I'm thankful beyond words for the opportunity that God has given me to work at the AIDS Haven, and I'm thankful that He has the wisdom and amazing sense of timing to use others to teach me what I can't seem to teach myself.

May God use someone to teach you big lessons this week. Please don't stress out too much while they form the teams - it really will be okay. That I can promise you. God is going to take care of everything. He's got this one.

I love you guys, and I am praying for you from PE.

-Tara.

[Shout outs.]

To Cassey - I saw some of your videos on Facebook. You are cray-cray! And...I'm still praying. If you need to talk, you know where I am. PS: I would have been totally stoked about the concert too. :)

To SBH - I really like that Sandi Thom song. Like, really! We've been listening to it every morning. And getting it stuck in our heads...every morning. Thank you! I'm glad it makes you think of me.

To Jedda - I really like your name. Let's talk sometime, hey?

To Rachel - I miss you and your smile.

To Sommer - Let's go camping sometime! Like in GV! I'll bring the chocolate and you bring the marshmallows. Whaddaya say?

To Kristen Pope - Remember during Camp Adventure when I was trying to do our devo at night and I kept getting text messages from a certain boy? Oh good grief! Haha, what a time.

To Matt Hoadley - I'm still waiting on Skype! Where you be?

To Lily - If I were there in Lubbs, I would snuggle with you. You can be my mom anytime. ;)

To Patty-Pat-Pat, Ralph, and Sunshine Barb - I love you guys, and I'm so glad you went to Italy. I hope you ate lots of good food and had a great time. Feel like taking a little road trip down to the RSA? I miss you over here. (PS: Kris, I still can't remember which one you are and which one I am! Oh I have issues.)

To all the rest - Hang in there, have a great week, and read 2 Thessalonians 3.1-5. It really helped me out. Stay strong, stay in the Word, and take care of each other.

Brown bag again.

2008-11-18T12:58:00.000-06:00

Hey guys! Man, I am sorry I haven’t written in so long. I wish I had a really good excuse, like - “We lost power every Tuesday for the last three months!” or “I let a local friend borrow my computer and I just now got it back!” I don’t have an excuse like that, but in all fairness, my computer was stolen and we did go on a three-week road trip across South Africa. So life has been kind of crazy.

But to be honest, the main reason I haven’t written is that I’ve had a real problem with knowing what to write. I think back on my Wednesdays in Lubbock and I remember loving them - brownbags were, to me, really cool and encouraging. I loved hearing the awesome stories from far away, and knowing that there were people just like me out there who thought that this was all worth it...that was (and is) priceless to me.

So when it came MY turn to write YOU letters, I wanted them to be a lot of things. Fun. Encouraging. Wise. But more than anything, I wanted them to be real. I wanted you to see that there is a real world out there, and there is real work to be done, and that you really can do it. I wanted to be real and truthful with you, and never cover anything up. I wanted to be honest, and share with you what was going on in my life in South Africa.

You’d think it’d be easy to be honest, you know? But I sat down at the computer on a lot of Tuesdays, just tapping my fingers and waiting for the words to come. When those guys broke into my flat and took everything I had that was worth anything, I didn’t know what to say to you. How could I tell you that it was all worth it, when I wasn’t sure then that it was? How could I tell you that I knew God was really providing for me and protecting me, when I was scared to be anywhere alone? It was a hard time. I feel like I’m just now getting my feet back under me.

But looking back, I have seen God provide in bigger ways than I thought possible. I knew from the start of AIM that God blessed me with great supporters, but they have really gone above and beyond in these last few months. My home congregation, in Duncan, OK (woot woot!), agreed to help me replace everything that was stolen back in the end of July. Since then, I’ve been able to get a new cell phone and help pay for my part of our car (a 1995 white Opel Astra. We like to call him “Little Brucey.”) And I was able to get a new laptop. God is so very good to me - but shame on me for taking so long to see it.

Now, all of that to say this: I would really like to start writing you guys more. I feel almost like I’m asking permission, which I know I don’t have to do, but I am very sorry that I’ve neglected to do for you what was so important to me. Thank you for your Reply Sheet Thingies - they really are very encouraging. Some of the things you wrote really made me laugh...you’re crazy! Keep them coming, okay?

I just wanted to share with you something that I learned from Ken (one half of the Kendall-Ball Coordinating Team!) a couple of weeks ago, when he was teaching a class at church. He was talking about the first chapter of 1 Peter. There’s some really great stuff in there, but what he said about verse 22 has really helped me these last few days. I’m going to put the verse right here (HCSB, anyone?) so we don’t waste any time.

“By obedience to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart...”

There are a whole lot of things we could talk about in this verse, but let’s think about the ways this verse says we are supposed to love. Sincerely. Earnestly. From a pure heart. Ken did his homework on this one and gave us some really great cultural references. The word “sincere” comes from the time when artists would make statues out of marble. If they slipped and took a chunk out of what they were working on, they would fill it with wax. It would LOOK whole and complete, but it wasn’t purely marble anymore. It wasn’t whole. It would melt under the sun, and expose its true self. “Sincere” means “without wax.” Love each other without wax. Be honest, be true with each other. If you make a mistake, be real about it - and start over. This is our job as brothers and sisters. This is how we obey the truth. Another word that Ken described is “earnestly” (or “deeply,” in some translations). This word comes from the Greek word for “catharsis” - purged. Pure, but cleansed in the most painful way possible. What keeps you from loving somebody like Jesus loves them? What keeps you from seeing someone like God sees them? Whatever it is, get rid of it. No matter how much you like it, no matter how much it means to you, no matter how much it’ll hurt to let it go. Get rid of it and start loving people in a real way.

This is my advice to you - not that I am great at it, but that I know how important it is. You can do it because God made you to do it! I’ll be praying for you, and I hope you’ll be praying for me too. Thanks for everything.

-Tara.

Shout-outs.

To Kris, Pat, and Barb - Thank you for everything.

To the AIM Assistants - I miss you all.

To Sarah Beth Hall - I miss you like Bert misses Ernie. Do you have Skype?

To Matt Hoadley - Have you ever been to Thai Thai? It's my favorite place to go in the LBK. Go there for me sometime soon, hey?

To Cassey Clayton - You take beautiful pictures, sister. I've been praying for you lately.

To Ivankita Chalco - I loved talking to you on the phone the other day. One day, I'm going to take you to get some ice cream and I'll tell you all about how your sister and I drove along Beach Road singing, "Vamos a la Playa, oh oh oh oh oh!"

To Everybody Else - Have a really wonderful break and consciously enjoy being with the people you are around. Take too many pictures and laugh too loud and eat just a little too much. And I will talk to you soon! Love you guys, and I'm praying for you.

To a blonde, dorky girl from Oklahoma.

2008-11-04T10:26:00.004-06:00

Hey all.

You know, I have always loved writing. Seems like since I was little, I always loved buying journals and pens and pencils. I loved the opportunity to sit down, open the notebook, and write anything. That freedom is priceless to me. There's just something in me that feels relief when I get all of my feelings out there into words on paper - or on the computer screen. It's like a purging, in a way. The most painful type of cleansing.

Which is how I knew I needed to write about the break-in. But I needed time to get my feet back on the ground and be able to write down what I remember without freaking out - which is why it's taken me so long.

I know you've heard about what happened. Maybe I've told you things myself. But it's just time for me to get it all out there, you know? So just bear with me and hear me out.

In our old house on Clevedon Road, I lived out back in the "grannie flat." The flat (which had one room and a bathroom) had been used as a storage room for a good while, and it was in need of some serious fixing. It also wasn't really hooked up to our security system in the house, which means I really should have reconsidered staying out there. But I really wanted my own room, and I didn't think of the security. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.

One night, Sasha and I went to a late yoga class at the gym. We came home and they were hanging the brand-new curtains in our huge windows in the the living room. I decided to go to bed a little early, but I asked Tyler to come out before he left so that I could tell him something (I've forgotten now what I was even going to tell him). It turns out that when he came out there, I was already asleep, so he left.

A few hours later, a loud noise woke me up, and I thought it might be Tyler trying to come in to talk to me. I put my glasses on (I'm basically blind without them!) and sat up, but didn't really see anything. So I laid back down and started to play some music on my computer, which was on my bedside table. Then I saw something moving outside the window, and when I looked over there I saw two black guys, one was wearing a white bandana. A few seconds later, they threw a brick in my window, opened the latch, and climbed in. They made me get out of bed and they were yelling a lot of things. One of them had a broken bottle and kept acting like he'd hit me with it. The other told me to go into the bathroom and cover my eyes. I told them I had money (around R6000, which is about 600 American dollars - I had been saving to help buy our car). They asked where it was, but I told them I'd get it if they would just leave. So I got the money, unlocked the door for them, and they left.

I know all of this sounds kind of peaceful on paper, but it wasn't. I yelled - a lot. (The police even said they had calls from a few blocks down because they could hear me yelling.) They yelled - a lot. They really tore my room up - there was glass everywhere, and all my things were scattered, my bed was a total mess because they'd looked under the mattress. They went through everything.

I didn't know if they had gotten into the main house yet, or if they were really gone, or if the girls were okay. When I had seen the guys walking around outside before they broke in, I called Sasha and told her I thought there were two guys outside. I remember saying, "Just stay with me, Sash, just talk to me." She could hear me screaming when they broke in, and then they took my cell phone and turned it off. After they had left, all I wanted was to be inside. I wanted to be with the girls, safe. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

So I went to the backdoor and unlocked it and started yelling, "It's just me, it's just me, it's just me" - because I knew they'd be scared it was someone breaking in. And then Brittney comes out of the door to the hallway and she's carrying a big ax handle (she was going to go outside to help me and she was prepared!). I ran to her. When she hugged me, I just started crying. I have never, never needed to be held so much. We went into her room, which is where the other girls were waiting. (They had pushed wardrobes in front of the doors.) I ran to the bed and we waited - for the police to come, for the security company to come, for Ken and Judy to come. It seemed like forever that we were there, waiting. I needed to do something, anything, because all I really wanted to do was scream. So we got the Bible and I read Philippians 01 out loud. Everybody came and made sure the place was safe, and I had to give a statement to the police. We got some clothes for me and went to Ken and Judy's for the rest of the next day. Momma Judy made us pancakes, I got a hot shower, I called my dad, and we started to think about where to go from there.

So there it is. I don't mean to scare you, or to make you sad.

Because look at how things are now. I am sitting here in my very safe apartment, on my new computer, using the Internet through my cell phone, uploading music to put on my new iPod. And we have a great car (named Bruce!) in the parking garage.

I have learned many, many things through what happened. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's this:

God is good.

When those men were about to break into my room, I prayed - "Dear God, give me love and wisdom." He has done a lot more than that. He protected me, that night and every moment since then. He provided. He has answered that prayer by using others to show me what love and wisdom look like.

I will never understand why God is so good to a blonde, dorky girl from Oklahoma.

I love you, and I'm very thankful for you - for your prayers, for your encouragement, for your consistency and reliability. Thank you for being here for me, with me, through all of this.

-Tara Ann.

Hap-hap-happy Halloween.

2008-10-31T14:05:00.003-05:00

A short blog, but good news.

I have some Internet on my computer! Yaaaaay.

Thanks to Tyler, I am connecting my phone with my computer through Bluetooth. Which is very good. So now, hopefully, I'll get the chance to stay connected to you guys better, and to really let you know what's going on here. And I'm putting more pictures on my Facebook, so if you have me on there, check them out please!

We have some major catching up to do.

Love you guys. Miss you.

Happy Halloween!

PS: They don't celebrate Halloween here. I miss home!

Computer issue.

2008-10-21T00:09:00.003-05:00

So I have a new computer. Yay!

Thank you to all of the supporters that contributed to this. You have no idea how amazing it is to have my own computer, with all of my old files (songs, pictures, notes from AIM classes) on it. Thank you thank you thank you!

But there's a problem. I don't know how to hook up my phone to work with my computer, so my Internet isn't working yet on my computer. And I'm not sure how to even go about getting that to start. Tyler (the resident Mac expert for our team) isn't sure, and Kuda (my South African friend who works with computers) aren't sure how to do it, so I'm pretty much lost. I thought it would be easy but...it isn't.

So for now, I'll keep borrowing Diana's computer when I can. She's been so awesome about this, very giving and very willing to share. That girl keeps me on my toes.

Also, I got my final "birthday box" from home. My mom and grandparents sent me lots of good things! Some pajamas (which are now my favorite after last night), some books (which are much-needed, since books here have to be imported and are so expensive), beads and stuff to hand out to people (which will come in handy with the girls at church). So it was a great, great surprise. Thank you guys....I'm not sure you'll ever know how much this really means, but thank you.

I have a meeting tomorrow (Wednesday) at noon (5 a.m. your time) with Sherry, a lady from a women's shelter here in PE. We're going to be talking about what I can do and how I can work there. So please keep that in your prayers these next few days.

I'm going to go now, but hopefully I'll be back on here soon. I miss you very much, and love you tremendously. Please keep me in your prayers.

Here we come.

2008-09-24T18:20:00.001-05:00

I'm leaving in the morning, and I'll be gone for 19 days.

There will be pictures and stories, I promise.

And you will be missed.

Love you guys.

Venda, Swaziland, Lesotho, Joburg, Durban here we come!

God is so good.

-Tara.

Changes and boxes.

2008-09-18T04:17:00.002-05:00

So, we've had a little change in plans.

I'm not working at Van der Kemp Primary anymore. It's hard to explain the reasons exactly, because they are complicated and confusing even to me.

But basically, my heart wasn't really in that place. I dreaded going there every Tuesday and Thursday, and I know that's awful. I hate that I couldn't pull it together and put my everything into that school and those kids. But I think the work that we did there (and the work that Diana will continue to do there) is worthwhile and good for everybody involved. And I look forward to going back there and visiting sometimes. It's just not what I think I should be doing here right now.

Is that wrong? I struggle with the idea that I'm trying to have a say in where God can and can't use me. That seems ridiculous and wrong. He can use me anywhere - am I willing for that to happen?

I talked with Momma Judy a little about it this morning. She said that God has given each one of us particular spiritual gifts and characteristics, and when we don't use them, we can feel it. I need to be in a place where I can use the gifts God has given me.

Where that place is - and what those gifts really are - is to be determined. I'd like to work at a homeless shelter, or an orphanage, or maybe a women's haven type of place. I'd like to meet people and form close relationships with them, have Bible studies with them, just listen to their stories and be involved in their lives.

Can I do that here? How do I even begin to accomplish those goals?

We've been here nearly 4 months now, and I feel like I'm just getting started.

In other news, Gibby Gilbert (one of my AIM instructors) sent me a Facebook message yesterday and here's what it said.

Just thought you would be encouraged to know that I read part of your James commentary to the class today as a great example of how to do the assignment properly. It reminded me again of how well you express yourself in writing and I am still encouraging you to write for the benefit of others!

That really helped my heart a lot. I love writing, and I want to use it somehow in what I'm doing. If that means keeping a blog to encourage others back home, I'm game. If that means writing a nice note to a person who is sick or sad, I'm there. If that means writing a book one day...we'll see. :) But it's nice to be complimented on something that you love to do, you know? So Gibby, if you're reading this, thank you. It means more than you know.

We leave on our Big Trip a week from now. I can't remember if I've written about it or not. But anyway, we're leaving on the 25th and getting back on 15 October. Yep, that's a long time. Our team is going with Ken and Judy (and two ladies from Weatherford, TX - they write the Lessons To Live By curriculum) on one huge road trip. We'll see lots of South Africa, as well as three neighboring countries - Venda, Swaziland, and Lesotho. It's going to be crazy to be away from our new home for so long, but I know that God is going to show us lots of things on this trip. Just keep us in your prayers, please.

Okay, one more thing. I got four packages from home yesterday! It was so awesome...like Christmas and birthday, all rolled into one lovely afternoon. Two of the boxes were from my aunt and her church - they did a "donation drive" and collected a whole lot of stuff to send here. We got lots of blankets and combs, and toiletries, and school supplies...we're not even sure where to begin handing out all of this stuff. It's amazing. Thank you so much! My team and I will let you know how we end up using it all. Just think - a couple of bars of hotel soap and some toothpaste have come a long way from your hands to my apartment. And it will go even farther, from my apartment to someone else's hands. They'll use it and be thankful for it, and that all happened because you let God work through you. There aren't words to thank you enough.

I also got a box from a lady in the town where my dad grew up. I know that I've met her, but I can't for the life of me remember who she is exactly. But you know what's cool? God used her to cheer me up. A woman that I barely know cared enough to send a package all the way to South Africa, for me. How amazing is that? I had to stop and thank God for people who really care.

And lastly, I got my "birthday box" from my dad. I can't describe to you how much this box meant. He sent me an iPod, which is wonderful beyond words. Since my computer and iPod were stolen, I've been borrowing other people's music to listen to. It's so nice to finally have my own back. Music means so much, especially when you're far away from home. So thanks Dad! He also sent me a black pillowcase that he sprayed his cologne on...the smell of home. Pretty sure that pillowcase isn't leaving my bed for a good long time. He got me a lot of other things too, and I'm so grateful. It was like being at home again. Except that I cried. :)

Love you guys. Hope to hear from you soon.

-Tara.

Another brown bag.

2008-09-17T11:48:00.001-05:00

Hello again guys. Hope you've had a great week so far, and that you're learning new things and growing every day.

I have another story to share with you, and it's about one of those moments when I stopped and said, "I am living in South Africa."

Diana and I go out to a primary school (preschool through Grade 07) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We work with kids in Grades 06 and 07 - the kids are ages 12-14, some are 15. Their teacher gave them a spelling test in English - their first language is Afrikaans - and if they got less than half right on the test, they come to us to be tutored. So basically, we're teaching the worst kids. Because they are having trouble in school, they act up and get in trouble with the teacher, which makes them not want to learn. You throw that in with the type of environment they are in, and it is a dangerous combination.

The school is so broken down. Most of the windows have been shattered by people breaking in. Those people take everything that is worth anything - some of the classrooms don't have light bulbs, the bathrooms don't have pipes in them, the metal in the ceiling that holds the tiles in place is gone. It is so sad that people are desperate enough to break into a school - a place that is purely beneficial for the community and its future - and destroy it. The school is in such bad shape that it has an effect on the students. When they do poorly on exams, the government won't give the school money to fix what is broken, which keeps it broken, which keeps the kids doing badly. It's illogical, it's frustrating, it's real. And some days, it's hard to be there.

The kids are so interested in Diana and I. They want to hear us talk, they want to touch our hair and skin, they want us to take their pictures. They are starving for attention, because they don't get it at home. We're trying to form bonds and make relationships with these kids - especially the young girls - and I think we're making a lot of progress.

One girl, Allison, had a birthday not too long ago. So I made her a birthday card and we bought her a little bar of chocolate (it cost less than one American dollar). The teacher later told us that that was the only thing that Allison got for her birthday. But here's the cool thing - her grandma's birthday was the next day, and she gave the chocolate to her grandma. The grandma then shared it with her, and they both got a little chocolate for their birthday.

It meant something so much to both of them, and it cost us less than a dollar.

How often do we share what we have? How often do we give, even when it means sacrifice? How often do we see that when we give, God finds a way to return the gift? Do we remember these things? Do we do these things instead of just talking about them? Do we see opportunities to give?

I know that every time I see a cheap piece of candy, I'll remember Allison and how she gave what she had. I'll remember how easy it is to do something so small. I'll remember how something so small can mean a whole lot, when you least expect it to.

Hope this has caused you to think some. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to give this week. Love you guys! You're still being prayed for.

-Tara.

Learning how again.

2008-09-16T07:47:00.003-05:00

Okay, it's time to be real.

Ever since the break in, I have sat down at this computer, at this website, what feels like a million times. And nothing ever comes out.

I loved blogging before it happened, but now I'm having trouble and I'm not sure why. I have plenty of things to say, but they just don't come out right and then I get frustrated.

But I'm going to start trying again. If it doesn't sound pretty or make sense, you'll have to forgive me. I'm learning how again.

Thanks for your patience.

My 20th birthday was awesome. On the 13th, the girls took me on a surprise scavenger hunt - blindfold, crazy hat, and mix tape included - around PE to celebrate my last day as a teenager. It was incredible, one of the best times I've had here so far. I love those girls! On the 14th, the church sang the "Happy Birthday" song to me, which was embarrassing and nice. Also, I got to request what Momma Judy made for Sunday lunch...I decided on grilled cheese, a veggie tray and dip, my favorite chips here (they are Doritos, in a green bag), and coconut cream pie.

I don't actually like pie, but don't ask questions. :)

Our new apartment is really working out well. It's great to have an ocean view, and a place to call home - a place that we (Lord willing) won't have to move out of in a month. God, seriously, blows me away. I can't believe that He is so good to me.

I've started reading this book, Over the Underpass by Mike Yankoski. It's so, so good. The author was a student at at Christian college, and one day he decided to give up everything and live as a homeless person for five months. The book describes the preparation and plans he makes, but that's the basic plot. He wants to learn what it means to really be content in any situation - even when sleeping on the concrete in the rain. He wants to learn how to treat people. He wants to learn, firsthand, how the church treats people. I think that's very brave.

Homeless ministry is something I've been thinking about doing for a year now. AIM opened my eyes to a lot of things, and that was one of them. Someone once said that people won't really care about God if they don't even have any food in their stomach. It's hard to understand that God provides things when you don't have a single thing. So I'd like to feed people - spiritually, but physically too. Let's start with some soup and bread and get you fed, then let's talk about you and your life. After I earn the right to talk to you, we can talk about God.

Here's something he writes in the book.

A hungry man can be a fast learner. When you come to a table with nothing but need, you are grateful for things you might have pushed aside before. And when you kneel, hungry and broken at His table, you receive a grace from Him you might, at some other time, have completely missed. You'll know this grace when you take it. It goes deeper, quicker, and it burns all the way down.

Love you guys. Don't forget that we're all homeless and broken and hurting and trying, every day. Let God use you to be that person who helps others! And let Him have grace towards you.

-Tara.

Even though it's actually the second Wednesday in September...

2008-09-10T01:28:00.000-05:00

Here's my third brown bag.

Hey AIMers and AIM-related persons. Welcome to the first Wednesday in September. Can you believe you've been in AIM nearly a month now? Let me just warn you - time is going to fly this fast for as long as you're in AIM. So get ready!

I just wanted to share a quick story with you this week, but let me start by saying that our team has changed in some crazy ways since December. We've lost 3 teammates - two girls, one guy. When a teammate decides to leave, for whatever reason, it changes things in big ways. Relationships within the team change and grow, and you adjust - because you have to. Life changes, and a new normal establishes itself. It's one of those "sad good" things, you know? Like graduation or getting a new pair of Converse because your favorite pair have just worn out. It just has to happen, even though it's sad.

So, needless to say, our team has been through some crazy times. We've gone up and down, and I can say pretty confidently that I am closer to them now than I ever thought possible. Sasha and Diana are like the sisters that I never thought I would have. We live together, we work together, and we grow together every day. We've had some very scary times together, and some frustrating times together. But most of all, we've had a lot of crazy times that we will never forget. Which brings me to the story!

A few weeks ago, we went grocery shopping. Now, this wasn't just a trip to the store to buy a few things - this was a trip to the store to stock up for our new apartment. We spent over 125 American dollars on groceries! On the way back to our flat, we were thinking about how many trips it was going to take us to get all the groceries up...and we knew it would be ridiculous. Four trips, at least! Luckily, when we got here, we saw that there was a grocery cart in the parking garage of our apartment building...how convenient! So we loaded that thing up and pushed it in the building. But then the craziest thing happened.

Sasha got the grocery cart stuck in the doors of the elevator.

The elevator in this building has a tendency to stop a little too early, so it doesn't line up properly with the floor. Because of that, we had to actually lift the grocery cart into the elevator - which took a while. We had a LOT of groceries. :)

So the doors started to close and Sasha couldn't stop them...and they shut on the cart. We laughed so much! I don't remember how we opened them again - I think someone just reached in and pushed a button. We finally got the cart in there, and made a solemn vow to never have that many groceries again! Oh, the crazy times we've had in South Africa.

You know, one thing we've always prayed about as a team is to be able to laugh through anything. I'm a firm believer that you'll be okay if you can just laugh, you know? Through it all, we've been able to laugh. I love that God has blessed us with each other, and with these situations that always crack us up.

So this week, notice yourself laughing and be thankful. Be grateful to God for blessing you with that specific moment of happiness, with that specific person or group of people. He cares about us being happy. Isn't that an amazing thought?

We're praying for you guys here, every day. Hope you had an amazing trip to Mountain View...that one was one of my favorites. Take care of each other, learn a lot, and keep praying for us too. We love you!

-Tara

[Shout outs]

To Mr. Kris Smith - Didn't your parents ever tell you that having an injured foot is not a valid reason for making hateful picture comments on Facebook?

To Pat Sheaffer - I'm rereading Luke, and remembering what you taught me. Thank you. Know that you made a lasting impression!

To Barb - Do you remember when you drove me home from school one day when I was sick? I'm not sure if I ever properly said thank you for that. So, thank you for always going above and beyond.

To Lily - Hey, remember that time you gave me a minor concussion right when we were leaving for our Mountain View trip? That was fun. So was when our Hart Area Church group made omelettes for everyone!

To Logan - I'll never be near an ablution block and not think of you.

To Sarah Beth Hall - I saw those crazy pictures. Looks like someone had a good time at Mountain View!

To Brent - Hello Buddy!

To Thomas - Have you ever heard a song called "Moment of Truth" by a band called FM Static? I think you would sound nice singing it. It's way cool. I'm praying for you today!

People in 3D.

2008-08-30T09:23:00.003-05:00

I got to "talk to" some of my family just a few minutes ago, on Skype.

It was really kind of strange though, because they could see me and hear me, but I couldn't see or hear them. I could just read what my Dad was typing. So it was kind of crazy. But I showed them around our apartment, and I talked to them for a little while. I wish so badly I could have seen their faces and heard their voices - but one thing at a time, you know?

It's a funny thing, homesickness. I find myself missing things about people that I didn't know I would miss. When it's been a while since you've seen someone, it's hard to remember what their nose looks like, or how tall they actually are. It's hard for me to place certain things about people - their eyes, their hands, their laugh, what it feels like to sit by them on the couch, what it feels like to hug them. I can remember some things about them, like hair color or their smile or their favorite shirt, but it's hard to make those things come together into a 3D image of who they are.

Sure, I miss Sonic and Dr. Pepper and Wal-Mart and Target and my car.

But I miss being around people in 3D.

Love you guys. I miss you a lot today.

-Tara.

Audio reminder from LBK.

2008-08-27T11:41:00.003-05:00

Go listen to this.

Man, I need to be a better AIMer. Being an AIMer isn't everything, but being an AIMer stands for something.

Willingness.

Compassion.

Flexibility.

Diligence.

God put me in AIM for a reason. God put me, as an AIMer, in South Africa for a reason.

I have no right to forget that.

-Tara.

Brownbag Numero Dos.

2008-08-26T09:17:00.002-05:00

Hey AIMers, and happy Wednesday.

I'm writing this from our new apartment, which is crazy to me. I now live with Diana and Sasha, my teammates, in a second-story flat with a beautiful ocean view. We had to move from our last house (which we shared with two girls from last year's team) because it was in a part of town that wasn't very safe. In less than a month, we had three cars broken into in front of our house, one attempted break in at the house, and one actual break in at the house. It was, honestly, one of the craziest months of my life.

It's strange to think that I have packed up all of my stuff and moved three times since being here in South Africa. When we first got here, we stayed in a big house with the AIMers from the 06 class. Then we moved into the house in the bad part of town. And now we live here. Three times we've loaded up our big suitcases, three times we've taken our clothes off of the hangers, three times we've put posters back up on the walls. I've zipped and unzipped my red suitcase so much that the zipper has broken! We've gotten to be pro's at packing in a hurry and never looking back.

It takes a toll eventually, you know? Here we are, in a completely different country, very far from all we've known, and we're trying to set up a home for ourselves. We get all unpacked and cozy and familiar with the area, and then we move.

It makes me think of Luke 9.57-58. Jesus is on His way to Jerusalem with his disciples when someone says, "I will follow You wherever You go!" Jesus answers, "Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head." Lots of questions come to my head when I read this, and most of the time the true answers are not ones I like. If I'm being honest with myself, could I really say that I'll follow Jesus wherever He goes? I mean, He says it Himself - He has no place to lay His head. When He's worn out and exhausted and can't go on any more, He has no place to go. Do I want to follow someone that closely? Do I love Him enough to follow Him to that extreme? To go with Him that far? To not leave Him and find somewhere else to go?

It's hard. It really is. It's hard and exhausting to live from a suitcase, to pack and unpack, to not even have a place in mind when you say you want to go "home." But Jesus could do it. He did it. And He at least deserves for me to give it my best shot. In the end, it's worth it.

So I encourage you to be flexible. You're going to hear that word a lot in AIM - take it to heart. Be willing to adjust and give a little. You'll grow from it, I know you will. I did! I also encourage you to get ready to be a wanderer. Get ready to be confused about where your "home" really is. And get ready to put your heart into a lot of places. Don't forget - there are good people everywhere. There is work to be done everywhere.

Thanks for listening. I hope you guys are having a great week! Hang in there, and be Jesus. Don't forget - we pray for you.

-Tara.

[Shout outs]

Sarah Beth Hall - Thanks for drinking that Vanilla Dr. Pepper for me. Now...have you ever had chili cheese fries?!

Zach Montandon - Remember when we talked on the phone during Christmas break? Those were the days.

Kristen Pope - Hello lovely lady! I am so glad you are in AIM. I couldn't be prouder of you.

Tony - Man, I miss you. I wish I could be there to see you and Beth on the big day. Maybe you could Skype it!

Beth - Seriously, I'm pretty sure the PESA girls screamed when we found out you guys were engaged. You are going to be the bestest couple ever! I do your little dance every once in a while, and it makes me laugh.

Ben Walker - Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeero?

Alicia - Remember that time in Mexico when Brent Pendergraft was sign language-ing something about a butterfly? That kid is crazy. But I miss the way you smile.

Josh Tucker - I read your "bad day" note the other day, and it was awesome. Seriously. Thank you.

Logan - You left your "100 Best Guitar Solos Ever In The History Of the Whole Entire World and Universe" cd here. Can I copy it? Also - I've been praying for you a whole lot lately.

Barb - I remember the first time I ever talked to you. It was on the phone, and I was calling about how big the mattresses were in the apartments so that I could buy sheets. Thanks for always being reassuring - from then until now. You rock.

Pat - I have no bad memories of you. Thanks for all that you do, and for letting your light shine so brightly.

Kris - We practiced "The Look" the other day, and you should have seen Diana. You would have been proud.

Hoot the horn.

2008-08-25T12:18:00.002-05:00

I've been needing to sit down and write an update for a while, but for some reason every time I open this page, nothing comes out. Let's give it a try.

We have a new apartment. It's on the second floor of an apartment building that has good security. The view from the huge windows in our living room (and from the room Sasha and I share) is completely beach. There aren't any buildings in front of us, so it's an "unobstructed" view of the ocean. It is, however, pretty loud during the day because there's a major road that runs in front of our building. The taxis here are nothing like taxis back home - they are fifteen passenger vans that usually have crazy slogans on the side and loud music blaring from the radio. Whoever rides shotgun usually hangs out the window and yells the destination of the taxi. They honk (aka "hoot the horn") a lot. So we're going to have to get used to the traffic sounds. Also, we're not far from the PE Airport, so we hear the planes leaving. And there's a bar (Gypsy Jack's) just across the way and I'm pretty sure that they were having karaoke a few nights ago, because the music was loud and weird.

But it's much better than where we were.

Not that where we were was so completely awful - God really provided and blessed us with that place. For about a month I got to live with 5 other girls who have come to mean more to me than I ever imagined. Going through a crazy experience can really bring you close together, you know?

Anyway. We're out of that house and into an apartment.

I've never been more thankful for a move.

This week should really start our "official" work. Diana and I are going to a primary school tomorrow and Thursday, soup kitchen on Wednesday morning, team small group and youth events on Friday night. It doesn't sound like a lot, but the days go by quicker than I'd like to admit. I'm still searching for ways to plug in, and for the energy to do it, but things are gettting better.

It's so hard. It really is. I've learned a lot of things about myself that I don't really like - I have serious pride issues, and a hesitancy when it comes to letting myself really care for people. Not really sure where those come from, but I'm thankful that I at least know that they exist.

Better to be painfully aware of your problems than to be oblivious and never grow, you know?

But the point is, I'm trying. Every day.

That's really all I know to say for now, so I hope that's okay.

I miss you guys, and I love you.

My first ever brownbag.

2008-08-19T11:09:00.002-05:00

Every Wednesday, AIMers and the AIM staff get together and have lunch. They read emails that AIMers on the field send in. It was a really cool thing for me to hear letters from people all over. It was something I'll always remember.

Needless to say, it's very cool to be able to do this right now. Surreal, but cool.

So here's what I sent in.

Hey guys.

I'm just going to go ahead and say it - I cannot believe that you are here. Or there. Or whatever it is! Because you being there - in AIM, in Lubbock, in the Sunset Church building, in the AIM classroom (which, you should know, will be cold most of the time) - means that I really am here - on my field, in South Africa, in the living room of our house, on this crazy pink leather couch. It also means that my classmates are out on their fields - on 4 different continents, speaking different languages, meeting new people, having their own challenges and times of growth. It's hard to accept some of those things. I miss Lubbock a whole lot, if we're being honest.

My time in Lubbock meant a lot to me. It was a time of changing, a time of learning, and a time of having a lot of fun with my classmates. My best advice is to take it one day at a time, take a whole lot of pictures, make memories, and let God grow you. Time on the field can be very difficult, so take every opportunity to learn and prepare yourself. And if it ever feels hard, rest assured - you can do it. You can. Trust me - but trust God. He has you there for a reason, so be there. Be all there.

Alright, now I am done preaching and telling you things that you've already heard. (By the way, that doesn't make them any less true!) It's time for a story! Those were always my favorite thing about brownbags - the stories from AIMers who had been where I was, who made it through, and who were in awesome places doing awesome things.

Not really sure if this counts as an "awesome thing," but it was fun to me!

Carolyne (from the 06 team) had her 21st birthday party last Friday night. Turning 21 here in South Africa is a big thing - it symbolizes turning into an adult, getting the freedom to come and go as you please. But one bad thing about becoming an adult - you have to throw your own birthday party! So as a part of Carolyne's big night, she had some friends come who were ballroom dancers. (Now, that sounded really cool and fancy to me, but it turns out that they teach dancing in the schools when you're growing up. So for them, it was just normal!) They asked for volunteers - about 15 girls went up there (including me and my two teammates!), but only 5 guys. It was kind of awkward when they asked us to find a partner, but it turned out to be just fine.

Now for the neat part of the story. There is this guy here named Kuda. He has lived in both Zimbabwe and South Africa, and he is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. He asked me to dance, and it turns out he actually knew how to really dance - he taught me how to waltz! It was so much fun. I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was just one of those moments where it hit me that while there are lots of bad things in this world - lots of sin, lots of pain, lots of wrong choices - there are also good people everywhere. Kuda has been a great friend for the short time I've known him; he's been kind, patient, and extremely helpful. It is amazing to me that I have come 10,000 miles away from home and still found good people.

So if you're frustrated, and missing home, have open eyes and see that there are good people all around. Put your pride aside and get out there. There are memories to make and good news to share.

Know that you are prayed for and loved deeply - even all the way from South Africa!

-Tara.

Philippians 1.9-11

[Shout outs]

Matt Hoadley - Hey friend. Remember that one time we sat by each other at Camp Adventure?

Ivanka - Your sister is crazy. She really is. But we're taking good care of her, and she's giving all of us new hair styles, so everybody is happy! I hope you're enjoying Lubbock. We think about you a lot here.

Nate - I miss your hugs.

All Oklahoma AIMers - Hey hey! I'm from Oklahoma too. Do you guys miss it yet? It might be hard to believe, but you might one day. Even though it's crazy hot!

Matt Baggett - I miss you a whole lot, Maggot-y Baggetty. You should come visit.

Pamela - Your sister is amazing. She drove today and nearly killed us, but she's still amazing. I miss your smile and encouragement.

Carla - Remember our Share the Word class? I was so nervous! Good thing I had you there to keep me calm. :)

Logan - I was just thinking of when we got to the airport, and how after we hugged you said, "Well that was awkward." It made me laugh a lot. Also, we're moving in three days, and I am sad to leave your gum behind in the tree.

Keep them coming.

2008-08-17T12:53:00.002-05:00

We have an apartment.

Well, not yet. We're officially signing the lease tomorrow, and moving out of the Clevedon house very soon - within a week, hopefully.

God has really answered our prayers -

but keep them coming, please. They are still needed.

Prayers for peace of mind, for safe travels for Neysia (check her blog), and safety.

Love you guys. Thanks for everything.

-Tara.

Rediscovered love.

2008-08-11T10:15:00.002-05:00

We're going to Cape Town tomorrow, for a few days.

It will be really nice to get away from here for a while.

In other news, I have a rediscovered love for the Olympics and black-and-white movies.

Day by day, slowly, one thing before the next.

-Tara.

Even simple and subconscious

2008-08-09T15:56:00.002-05:00

It's not going so well.

Still not really ready to talk about it.

Well not "it" -

I'm just not ready to talk about everything yet.

Processing, even simple and subconscious processing, takes a while.

-Tara.

Today, a choice.

2008-08-05T14:38:00.004-05:00

I have come to the realization that I can only handle one day at a time.

I have to choose, today, whether or not I will walk with God. I have to choose, today, whether or not I will let negative thoughts be more powerful than positive ones. I have to choose, today, whether or not I will be helpful.

And my decision only lasts for one day. I can't decide for tomorrow, or for yesterday. Just for today. I can't handle tomorrow's decision yet, and I have to move on from yesterday's.

It's easier said than done, but it helps to break it down into days.

Maybe that's why Jesus prayed "give us this day our daily bread."

-Tara.

trust

2008-08-02T15:33:00.003-05:00

trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust

Maybe if I type it a few times, it will become easier.

More to come soon.

I love you guys. Thanks for sticking in there.

Your prayers are needed.

-Tara.

Both hands open.

2008-07-24T15:31:00.003-05:00

How miserable I am

I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here

after the harvest

There's nothing here at all

There's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone

There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet

We're all murders and theives

Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands

Are equally skilled

At doing evil

Equally skilled

At bribing the judges

Equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of our hands

The day of justice comes

And is even now swiftly arriving

Don't trust anyone at all

Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father

The daughter despises even the mother

Look! Your enemies are right

Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled

Equally skilled

No, don't gloat over me

For though I fall, though I fall

I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness

The Lord, the Lord alone

He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord

Punishes me for the wrongs

I've done against him

After that He'll take my case

Bringing me to light and to justice

For all I have suffered

And both of His hands are equally skilled

At ruining evil

Equally skilled

At judging the judges

Equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands are equally skilled

At showing them mercy

Equally skilled

At loving the loveless

Equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

-"Equally Skilled" by Jon Foreman.

I really like these words. They are a good reminder for me. They remind me that

01. I live in a world that is full of people who do wrong.

02. I am one of those people.

03. There is hope.

04. God is capable of forgiving and giving mercy, justice, and love.

05. God's hands are just as open to me as they are to the rest of the world.

06. I don't deserve those open hands.

Five to remember.

2008-07-23T08:43:00.004-05:00

Here's a "questionnaire" that Kris sent out to past, future, and current AIMers. He's going to use some of the answers in a presentation at the Tahoe Family Encampment in a few days.

Just thought I would share my answers, because it was pretty thought-provoking for me to answer the questions. I was reminded of a lot of things - why I originally wanted to come to AIM, why I stayed in AIM, what I'm learning in AIM.

Enjoy.

01. Why did you come to AIM? I came to AIM to grow closer to God (learn more Bible, become more disciplined) and to learn how to make disciples for Him. Here's my theory: He deserves as much praise and worship as possible, and I want to do what I can to help make disciples to praise and worship Him. Also, I was pretty scared of coming to AIM because it was "out of the norm" for me, but I didn't want to NOT come because I was afraid. What better way to conquer your fear than to face it head on, right?

02. How have you seen God working during your time in AIM? I have seen others around me grow in huge ways. I've seen how AIM has effected the AIM Assistants - they have desire to be close to God, and they see people. They see needs. And I've seen God at work in me, through His constant providing and patience. I've seen God use people to bring others to Him.

03. What was the hardest part? The hardest part was facing things that I didn't even know I was running from. It was hard to be completely honest with myself and to deal with the things I needed to deal with. Growth is always the hardest part.

04. What was the most rewarding part? Persistence. It was rewarding to "keep on keeping on" in the school work, because I learned so much from my teachers and mentors. It was rewarding to "keep on keeping on" in relationships - I grew close to people I will always hold close, and I learned a lot in those relationships.

05. Would you encourage anyone else to come to AIM and if so, why? I would encourage someone else to come to AIM, definitely. It's a place to grow and to push yourself, to be open and to have fun. But most of all, it's a place to learn more about the God who created you, a place to get closer to Him one day at a time. But it's a decision that should be made prayerfully.

Oats-horn and Bobbie Sue.

2008-07-20T14:28:00.004-05:00

Here's an update on what's been happening the past few days.

Thursday, I went to Jeffreys Bay (where we had our retreat about a month ago) with Logan, Neysia, Sasha, and Nyasha. We got to watch the finals of the Billabong Supertubes Surfing Contest thing...it was awesome! I've never seen anyone surf like that! Actually, I've never really seen anyone surf, period - so it was awesome. Kelly Slater won, and we got to see him in person! It was way cool.

When Logan pulled up in front of the house to drop us off, Liz and a woman from the church (Celestine) and her children were outside. Turns out, someone had broken into Celestine's car.

That's two cars in less than a week, both in broad daylight.

Sometimes it's hard to live here, but days like Friday and Saturday make it worthwhile.

We (Diana, Johnathan, Mike, Logan, Anthea, Wendy and I) left Friday to go to Oudtshoorn (said like oats-horn), a town about 4 hours away from PE. It's the ostrich capital of the world, and it was awesome! The girls and guys stayed in separate chalets - they were really nice. Anthea told us that a place like that was normal to stay in. It had two beds and a couch that had a mattress thing underneath it that pulled out. We slept very comfortably! After having breakfast the next morning, we set out for Cango Caves, about 30 minutes away from Oudtshoorn.

I had never been in a cave before. It was cool! The girls took the standard tour, where they take you to 5 different chambers in the caves. It was oddly pretty, and very interesting. But I felt like I was inhaling carbon dioxide and no oxygen - not the best feeling in the world! At one point, the guide turned out all the lights so we could see how dark it was in there. Very cool.

After leaving the caves, we went to the Oudtshoorn Ostrich Farm. It was ridiculously funny. We took a tour, and Johnathan and Mike actually got to RIDE an ostrich. Yeah. It was crazy. I got a "neck massage" from the ostriches - the tour guide volunteered me to hold a bucket of feed, with my back to the birds. Then they came up and ate the food over my shoulders! They were pecking at it so fast that it did kind of feel like they were "massaging" my neck and shoulders. But I was too scared to think it felt good! It was definitely a crazy experience that I can add to my list of Things I Did in Africa.

We got home and pretty much collapsed! I was so tired, and we had church the next morning. So bed seemed like the only option that made sense!

Today was difficult though. It was Logan's last time at church. I didn't think I would cry, but I did. It's so weird, you know, because I don't feel like my sadness is really justifiable. I mean, I only spent about 2 months with the guy - that's nothing compared to how much time he spent with his teammates and the church here. But I am so proud of him and the work he's done here. I'm proud that he's my friend and I'm so grateful that we got to know each other better here in South Africa. When I see Logan with the church members here, it's exactly what I want to be like. I want my field time to be productive like Logan's was. I want to learn and grow and make relationships, I want to help and really see people.

So please keep Logan in your prayers as his field time is wrapping up and as he's heading back to the States to start new things in his life.

And Logan, if you're reading this, thanks for everything. Izzie is really going to miss you, and I think the rest of us might too. Just don't forget - Bobbie Sue took the money and run.

-Tara.

Is it me you're looking for?

2008-07-17T11:46:00.001-05:00

Here's something that made me laugh a lot today.

Hope you enjoy it too.

Square One.

2008-07-16T09:33:00.001-05:00

Just an update -

I called the AIDS Haven today and asked if they needed volunteers. They're full until November.

Square one, here I come again.

Touch.

2008-07-15T11:09:00.006-05:00

I didn't sleep very well last night, but today was a good day.

Our friend Nyasha introduced us to something called The Touch Project. It's a movement started by a handful of people - mainly 2 girls, Anna and Clair (with no e) - and its main goal is to spread awareness in Port Elizabeth. Awareness about needs in the community, awareness of opportunities to help, awareness of God and how He works in our lives. They go out to different organizations - orphanages, care centers, things like that - and find their needs. Then Clair goes on a Christian radio station here in town and talks about the different places they go to and how others can help. People do pledges and donate. Also, they organize a "Day of Kindness" where people go out and volunteer there for a day. So it's basically just raising awareness about things going on in PE. Nyasha helps them out, when she's not in school, and she put us in contact with them. I'm not sure if I'm going to do it every week, but today was cool.

We met the girls at Anna's house, and then went to an AIDS Haven that's about 10 minutes from the Gelvan Park church building. There, we gave some items that were donated - food, a blanket, and nappies (diapers). When we pulled up in the parking lot, Clair got a phone call. We were waiting for her to get off the phone when we saw a group of about 15 little kids, on their way to the preschool they have set up in the compound. (There are little apartments there for AIDS victims to live in, and there's a big building that has a dining room, a room with a tv, bathrooms, and a kitchen. It's like a little town within a town.) At first they were just checking us out, looking us over - and we weren't really sure what to do either. But one suddenly just started running with his arms open towards us, and Neysia picked him up. Then they all came. They wanted to see what we were bringing, and they wanted us to hold them. I've held little kids before, but none of them have ever held me that tight. They didn't want to be put down. Most of them are AIDS orphans - but I got the impression that some of them might be HIV-positive. We played with them for about 10 minutes, and then got a tour of the facility.

I've never seen people so sick. We actually didn't get to talk with the people who lived there - just the staff - but as we were walking down the hall, I could see into their rooms. Most of them were just laying on their beds. They looked so skinny. The kids too, all of them were skinny. But I held two little boys and their stomachs were bloated up and stiff. I'm not sure if that's a symptom or what, but it was very sad.

This AIDS Haven - I think it's called the House of Resurrection - takes really good care of these people. They have nurses and staff that know what they're doing. The kids were just like any other kids. They pushed each other, ran a lot, laughed and smiled. Just like normal kids.

Only they've been affected by a disease they're too young to understand.

The woman who gave us the tour seemed to be the head of the operation. She's only been there for 7 years, but she knows what she's doing. She told us that the percentage of people with AIDS in Port Elizabeth has gone up significantly in the past two years - it's now at 35%. And those are only the people who know they have AIDS, and who've admitted they have AIDS. It's understood that there are more.

I would really like to volunteer there. It's very sanitary, and they know how to handle HIV and AIDS. I'm not sure if they need volunteers, but I'm going to contact them tomorrow hopefully and see what kind of information I can get.

Those kids...man. I can't get them out of my head. They held on so tight. But you know, it's not just the kids. The woman we talked to said that everybody is moved and affected by the kids.

The adults deserve just as much time and energy given to them. It takes one choice to have your life be affected forever. It takes a lack of knowledge for your world to be upside down.

And it takes one person at a time to spread knowledge, love, and care.

For more information about The Touch Project, go here.

-Tara.

Black out.

2008-07-14T03:45:00.003-05:00

We're experiencing our first South African blackout.

This morning, right before I was going to shower, Neysia told me that we were out of electricity. Here, you prepay for electricity by taking a card that is in your electric box (ours is in a cabinet in the kitchen) and having it reloaded. The electricity comes in units, and when you get home you just put some numbers in on the box and then a few seconds later, you have electricity.

I only know this because we ran out once before.

Here was the main problem this morning - we didn't have electricity, so we thought our garage doors wouldn't open. Which means we couldn't get our car out. Which means we would have to walk to the petrol station (the gas station - where we buy electricity). Neysia and Sasha ended up going, and they were back within 30 minutes. The man at the petrol station said that Mount Croix (our district) was having a blackout.

We heard about these blackouts before we came - that they happened, that they could be pretty irregular, that it was hard to know how long it would last. But we haven't experienced one until now.

It's really not that bad, because it's light outside. Neysia and Sasha got the garage door open after they came back (as luck would have it), so we're free to leave if we don't want to be here. My laptop still has charge, and my cell phone too - though it will probably die in an hour or so. We just don't have tv (we've only been watching movies on it anyway - our DSTV isn't hooked up yet) or anything like that. But so far, it's been okay.

In other news, Aberdeen's (a wooden furniture place) delivered by wardrobe today. I don't know how they made it up our front steps and around all the corners in our house, but they did. Good thing they are professionals. My clothes are FINALLY hung up - no more suitcase, no more bookshelf (which is what they were crammed into before). It looks nice in my room, I'll have to take a picture. And the wood smell is nice.

The power just came back on. Looks like that one lasted about 2.5 hours. Not bad, not bad.

Oh, life.

-Tara.

The initial.

2008-07-12T07:20:00.002-05:00

Our car got broken into this morning.

We had some girls over (from the youth group at Gelvan Park, where we worship) for breakfast, so Diana went to pick them up. They got here at around 10.10 or so, and about 15 minutes later Diana heard the car alarm go off, but she thought she had accidentally set it off, so she just silenced it without really looking at the car. But then about 10 minutes later, a man rang our doorbell and told us that he was part of the neighborhood watch group and that our car window was smashed. We went to check it out and, sure enough, it was smashed. And Diana's cell phone was taken. But everything else - the papers, the radio, the R70 that was on the floor of the passenger side - was there. So we taped black trash bags over the window (it had started to rain), and called the insurance company and the police. The police told us that we needed to come to the station within 24 hours (which we did, and gave a statement and got a case number - I don't think it'll really go anywhere), the insurance said they'd call us back. Usually in South African business (or at least from what I've observed), "I'll call you back" means "call me back later." So that's frustrating. But I don't think our insurance covers stuff like this on our car anyway - I think it just covers the third party. Nice.

But we did manage to get the window replaced quickly - God has good timing, and He is good to us. It was R900 for the window and the labor, which is around $140 American dollars. Not bad, I think. Especially because it was fast.

But it's just been frustrating. Lots of things have happened today, have piled up today, and that can be very wearing on a girl's nerves, you know?

For those of you concerned about my physical safety, please transfer that energy into prayer. We don't live in a bad part of town - it's just an older part, a busy part, a more rundown part. We live closer to the bad parts of town than we were in Summerstrand, but it's nothing to be really concerned about. If Ken and Judy thought it wasn't safe, we wouldn't have ever thought about living here. And my room is safe - it has two locks and it's part of the security system. I haven't felt really unsafe or threatened, but I do have to keep my eyes open and I have to be aware. And honestly, I'm just not used to that. I took advantage of security and safety in the States, and I wasn't even aware of the fact that I didn't have to be aware. So constantly having to keep my eyes open is exhausting. But I'll get used to it, I know it.

Just don't worry about me. Once I get curtains up in my room, I will feel a lot better.

It's just the initial getting used to here, you know?

Prayers and encouragement deeply appreciated.

-Tara.

Two things.

2008-07-10T11:38:00.004-05:00

I'm kind of down, if we're being honest.

There's just a lot going on here now, and I have a lot of goals for myself that I'm having trouble meeting. But it's not like they're all really important goals - some of them are just daily goals, simple goals, which makes it even worse when I don't meet them. I might be too hard on myself right now, it's hard to tell.

Please don't worry though, okay? This is why I haven't written in a while - I didn't want to put anything too negative on here because I was too afraid to make you worry. Don't worry and don't think that it's like this all of the time, because it's not. There are really wonderful days, really awesome moments, sometimes long strings of them together. But then there are those down times, you know? It's just life - but amplified, since I'm here, doing what I'm doing, exposed to people both here and continents away. I believe that when you live this kind of life, you don't have the luxury of having secrets. It's just out there.

So that being said, I've been having trouble. We've been setting up things at our new house, but I'm tired of running errands for myself. I want so badly to get started in what I intended to do here - going places, meeting needs, working, loving people, serving. I know, I know, I can do that anywhere, anytime, any way - but I'm ready to step out of the "normal, every day" life that I've spent the last month setting up for myself, and I'm ready to step into places with needs.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, because I was scared. We had a hard time getting our outside gate closed (the one that goes from the street to the driveway), because it was broken, and that made me feel really unsafe - especially out in my room, alone. And on top of that, it was thundering and raining hard, and the wind was strong. When the wind blows - even just a little - the branches over the "barbeque" area (between my flat and the house) scrape and blow against my walls, and it makes a noise that is, well, not pleasant. Also, the walls in my room are cement, the floor is ceramic tile, and it's been in the 40s and 50s (Fahrenheit) here at night - so it's very, very cold.

Needless to say, I had a hard time getting to sleep. I was scared, cold, and alone. I put on a movie to drown out the scratchy noises and to take my mind off the broken gate, and I eventually fell asleep.

But not before I prayed.

Let me tell you how I feel about prayer now. You can agree or disagree, and that's okay. If you feel we need to talk about it, that's okay too. But here it is.

I feel like I spent most of my life trying to sugar-coat things for God. When I prayed to Him, I would only give him the "nice" version of the story, or the shortened version, or the easy version. Not the whole version. It's like I turned my life into a corny made-for-TV movie for the only one who really saw the whole unedited, uncut version. I don't know why I did that, but the reasons don't really matter now.

I don't want to sugar-coat things with God. I don't want to try to put my life into a neat box for Him - He knows what a mess it is. That's why grace is such a humbling concept.

But I realized sometime in this past year that I wasn't telling God the truth. I wasn't "flat-out" lying to Him, but I also wasn't telling Him the whole story. I was drawing lines, building walls, putting up signs, saying He was and wasn't allowed access to certain places in my life.

That's no way to treat the one who created me.

Now I do my best to tell God the truth, all of it. If my eyes and brain and heart and thoughts and all of my senses are cameras that take footage, I have to believe that God deserves to see the real, raw, uncut and unedited footage that they take in everyday. God deserves it.

I just wanted to share that with you. If you disagree, it's okay. If you agree, thank you for your support. If you struggle with it, I understand. It's hard. Keep contending.

Either way, I hope I said something that will help.

So last night, when I prayed, I told Him that I was really scared and that I was having trouble trusting Him.

It really is better to live life without secrets.

-Tara.

Two things You told me - that You love me, and that You are strong. (Jon Foreman)

The gecko.

2008-07-01T08:08:00.003-05:00

Let me tell you a little story involving three girls from America, a gecko, and a small bathroom.

We're in East London, helping with a VBS. Diana, Neysia, and I are staying with the du Preez family (two parents, five children) - we're living out in a flat that's separated from the house. It has a small bathroom, a toilet and sink separated by a partition that folds up accordion-style. Neysia went in to use the toilet, and I was sitting on the couch that's about four feet from there. She came out and said, "There's a lizard in there."

I'm pretty sure I said, "No way!" And when I went to look, sure enough. A lizard (more specifically, a gecko) on the ceiling.

I only know that it was a gecko because the boys had caught one at the church building the day before (it had also been on the ceiling). Gill (pronounced like Jill, she's our host mom) told us that they bite humans when you make them mad. I already don't have strong affections for creepy crawly things, and that information just made me like the gecko even less.

I thought Diana would be much braver than I was feeling at the moment, so I asked her to come see if she could catch it while Neysia and I stood on the couches. She got a hanger and a big piece of construction paper that one of the kids had painted on at school (a cow and flowers, I think) and tried to scoot it back out of the open window it came from.

But alas, no luck. At one point it ran quickly and Diana started screaming, so Neysia and I did too. We called up to the house to ask Gill to send one of the boys down (ages 10 and 8, I think), but she wouldn't for some reason. But Chantelle (the oldest daughter, age 20) heard us screaming and came to save us.

When we told her there was a gecko in the bathroom, she just rolled her eyes and smiled. Apparently there are a lot of geckos here. Anyway, she also tried to usher it out of the open window - but 10 minutes later, it went into the light fixture and up into the ceiling, never to be heard from again.

That doesn't mean that we weren't hesitant to use the bathroom last night though!

Thought you would enjoy that. I'll get you pictures of the gecko later.

And more info about East London and the VBS coming up soon!

Good thing.

2008-06-23T01:38:00.006-05:00

Well, it's Monday. 8.40 AM. New day.

Today we (the girls from my team, and Brittney and Liz from Team One) get the keys to our house. We're going at one to meet our landlady and to check out the security system. The previous tenants (four boys) didn't even use the security system, so we're not sure what kind of shape it's in. Brittney is calling the security company this morning and asking them to have someone meet us there at one, so we can get all that figured out. Because the sooner we get the security system up, the faster we can move into the house. Ken and Judy won't let us move in without one. We're hoping to move in tomorrow. I can't wait to get the new house because that means I can finally stop living out of my suitcase, and I can have a place to call home that I won't have to move out of soon (hopefully). Plus, I can't wait to see what the inside looks like, what my room will be like and how the kitchen and living room are. This is the place I will call home for the next year-and-a-half-ish, so I'm excited to see it.

I told you I would tell you more about what Jeffreys Bay (heretoafter referred to as JBay - that's what they call it) was like, and how our retreat went. JBay itself was beautiful. It's a surfer town, and they have a surfing competition there every year that's internationally known, and (for the girls!) a festival where companies like Billabong and Quiksilver have booths set up and you can buy things. Apparently it's a pretty big deal. Maybe we'll go to it next year.

The house we stayed in was amazing. Carolyne (from last year's team) got it for us - her friend Nyasha knows the owners and they let us stay there for free. They actually live in PE, but this house is their weekend house in JBay. It was amazing. The girls all slept in one room (bunk beds!) and the boys in another room (bunk beds, but with an amazing ocean view), and Ken and Judy slept in another room (no bunk beds, same amazing view). The rooms facing the beach all had huge windows, wide open. I got to watch my first-ever South African sunrises, but I didn't have to get up that early - the sun rose at about 7.15 each morning. It was amazing. I just went out on the deck and watched it come up over the ocean. Speaking of the ocean, the beach was just a few steps away from the back door of the house. It literally took about 30 seconds to walk down there, and then your feet were in the water. So amazing. Momma Judy cooked awesome meals for us (pancakes, lasagna, soup, chocolate cake, salad, the works!) and there were a lot of dishes to wash after every meal! But it was so much fun. The teams split up and had to do skits about themselves (the teammates had play each other). It was interesting to see the little mannerisms that other people say you have. Even though we were dramatizing each other's personalities, we still learned about each other and had a lot of laughs doing it. I played Tyler (I stood on an ottoman, because he's so much taller than the rest of us!) and Sasha played me. It was so good to laugh like that with each other, and to just have some simple fun - I don't think we've gotten that chance since we've been here. We got to learn about the old team and how they think of each other. I loved it.

On Saturday we did pretty much nothing. It was nice. :) The girls colored for a while (Momma Judy brought coloring sheets!) and then we went to town to shop. I bought a pink Billabong hat and a teal colored wallet. I never thought I would be in a store that sells surfing gear! Oh, life in South Africa. Surprises everywhere.

Saturday night, we took a personality test. The four main personality classifications are Popular, Powerful, Perfect, and Peaceful. I turned out to be a Popular Perfect - which means (I think) that I like to be social but I also like details. I have a lot of Peaceful in me as well; I'm sure you can guess what that means. I liked taking the test, and it was cool to see everyone's results.

It was a great weekend. The sunrises, the waves, the sand, the couches, the bunk beds, the meals, the rest. I'm so glad we went, and that Team One took the time and effort to plan this weekend for us. We all needed it.

But you know what they say - all good things must come to an end. But who is "they" anyway? I wonder if They are sad that They didn't get the credit for coming up with that. Probably not, because They are probably dead by now. But still, it's true. Well, about most things. I think it's conditional - not all good things come to an end.

But our weekend did.

Good thing we have high hopes for this next week!

Hope you have a great day today.

PS: If you're praying for me, thank you.

Cold shower no. 04, beached whale, retreating.

2008-06-20T04:38:00.002-05:00

I have taken four cold showers in a row. Why, you ask? Well, it's a combination of things. I share a shower with three other people (actually, five other people - we're all on the same hot water tank thing), which means the hot water is usually lukewarm by the time I get there. Which is okay. But combined with the fact that I can't figure out how to work the knobs - cold showers galore. It's not that the knobs are particularly difficult...there's only two. Hot and cold. But I can't ever get the proportions right, especially with lukewarm water. I couldn't do it at home either, just ask my dad. I didn't even know that those knobs were specifically for hot and cold water. I don't know, I'm weird and I have a deficiency. : )

Here's a cool story. This morning, we got an SMS (which is what they call a text message) from our coordinator, telling us that there was a beached whale on King's Beach, not too far from our house. So after a while, we went down to the beach and checked it out. At first we didn't see it, but we did see another chunk of whale. It smelled bad, but it could just be my imagination thinking it. We looked at it for a while, and took a lot of pictures and video, and Tyler threw a rock at it. Multiple times. The boys walked on down to see if they could find more whale, and the girls stayed at the beach and talked for a while. We got an SMS from one of the boys saying, "yeah it's here" and so we walked to where they were, and yes. There was a dead beached whale there. The boys played with it (jumped on it, actually), the girls took pictures, and after a while, some workers started cutting it open so that they could get rid of it. It smelled really bad. It smelled dead, but also kind of like curdled milk. But mostly and completely disgusting.

Don't worry, I'll have pictures soon.

Also, we're going on a retreat this weekend. All of the AIMers, and our coordinators, to Jeffreys Bay. I think it's about an hour away. From what I hear (my dad's a good researcher), it's got good surf and friendly people. We're staying in a beachfront cabin, I think. I'll let you know more after we get back.

Thanks again for all the feedback. Keep it coming, okay? It's really encouraging. Ask lots of questions, don't be afraid. That's the only way I'll know how to describe what you want to know about. Don't be afraid to ask questions about the little things - daily life, food, grocery stores, that kind of stuff.

Love you guys. Talk to you soon.

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

-Norman Vincent Peale.

"The time has come," the walrus said...

2008-06-19T10:59:00.003-05:00

The time has come to talk about something else.

But this is quite a bit not as fun to talk about as the living situation.

Victor, my teammate from Virginia, went back home to the States. He's not going to be with us here anymore. He had to go home and take care of some personal responsibilities, and that's the end of the story.

But here's what I say - I'm very, very proud of him. It's a difficult situation, and he could have easily ignored what was happening. He could have very easily decided not to deal with things, but he didn't. He got on a plane and went back home, and I think he grew up a lot in that decision.

I'm proud of him, but I miss him a lot. He was the only person on the team that I really knew before they became my teammate. It's going to be different without him, but I am absolutely positive that there is a reason for everything. Nothing doesn't have a reason.

It's just a matter of having a good attitude until that part. That's my problem. Here's the way I picture it in my mind - it may be wrong, but I'm willing to change how I think about it, so there you have it.

It's like something happens, and God knows about it. And then we react to whatever happens, and God knows about that. I personally don't want to react in a way that isn't worthy of him seeing, you know? What if he causes this thing to happen (or doesn't stop it from happening), knowing that something really wonderful is going to come from it, and then he sees me whining about it? Or sees me throwing a fit and being angry with him when I have no right to be, because I can't even see the big picture? I'm not okay with that.

Yes, that's definitely the hard part, keeping the attitude in proportion to the big picture. Tough stuff.

Keep Vic in your prayers.

Victor, I love you.

Home again, home again - jiggity jig?

2008-06-19T07:39:00.003-05:00

I think the time has come to explain our living situation.

Ken and Judy and the "old" team (the team from the AIM class before us) lived together in a very nice 7-bedroom house in a nice part of Port Elizabeth, called Summerstrand. The boys all had rooms of their own, and two of the girls did too, but the other two girls shared a room and Ken and Judy did as well (obviously). There are 5 bathrooms, a nice kitchen, an office area, a three-car garage, and it has a security system and a gate. It's very nice and very safe.

But Ken and Judy decided to move out a couple of months ago, so that they would have more room to house the printing stuff for the curriculum. So they moved out, and we (the new team) moved in, and the lease on this house (I like to call it The Big House) is up at the end of this month. So we're all moving out by then.

The first week we were here, there were 12 AIMers living here - we were missing Mike (from our team, he was delayed a week because his visa was late) and Brittney (from their team, she went home to visit for a month). Neysia, Sasha, Diana, and I were living in Ken and Judy's old room, on air mattresses - the only mattress that really held air was Sasha's, but it was okay because we had sleeping bags and blankets. It was a lot of fun, because the four of us had never lived together since we had two different apartments in Lubbock. I really enjoyed spending time with them in that way. I've never had a sister, much less three, and they are as close as I'm probably ever going to get to having real, real life sisters that I'll live with and be with every day. I love them, and I consider them a blessing and an answer to a prayer that I didn't know I was asking.

But after Carolyne and Lindsay (two girls from last year's team) moved out a couple of weeks ago, we split up and took their rooms so that we could have real beds. Diana and I are now staying in Carolyne's room, and Sasha and Neysia are in Lindsay's room. It's nice to have a real bed. It's funny though, because they took their comforters with them, so we are using sleeping bags as comforters. Whatever works, ya know?

As for the boys, they were staying with Joey, a guy on last year's team. He stays in a room that's off the garage, kind of separated from the house. There's a bathroom out there, too, so it's convenient and semi-private. It's hard for anything to be private here, but it's okay because we all get along (most of the time) and we have a lot of fun together.

But now that we're out of Ken and Judy's room, Tyler and Mike are staying in there on the "air mattresses" and sleeping bags. I think they are ready for their own beds, and we are too.

Here's the upcoming schedule for everybody moving out.

19 June - The "old boys" move out. (I'm pretty sad about this, to be honest. I really like these guys. They are a lot of fun, and have been good friends to me so far, which is really important. These first few weeks can be rough, because of transitioning and learning the ropes and the initial homesickness and all of that stuff. Johnathan, Joey, and Logan have been very helpful and encouraging to me. They're cool guys. I appreciate them.)

23 June - We move out! We're going to be living with Brittney and Liz, two of the "old girls." We've seen the outside of our house (it's a great yellow color, with two trees in the front yard, and you can look to the left from our front porch and see the ocean!) and pictures of the inside. It has three bedrooms and two bathrooms inside, and one outside bedroom with a bathroom. We have a dining room, two fireplaces, a kitchen, and a two-car garage. We'll also have a gate and a security system. The house comes fully furnished, which means we have beds and a TV and two pink leather couches. Oh yes.

1 July - The new boys move out. I haven't seen their house, but from what I hear, it's a cottage that's on someone else's property. They have their own driveway, and the rent is really good for the two of them. They'll live about 20 minutes away from our new house. (They'll live in a district called Lorraine, and we'll live in a district called Mount Croix.) But since the lease is up on The Big House at the end of this month and we need to do a big clean on the place, they'll move out and live at Ken and Judy's the last week of June. So basically, we'll all be out of this house during the last week of June.

You know, I haven't lived here very long. It's only been about fifteen days, not nearly as long as the last team. But it's sad to me, everybody moving out and getting their own places. I've very much enjoyed living together with everybody. It's been chaotic sometimes, and frustrating, and hectic, and sometimes there's no food, but it's been a lot of fun. I have laughed so much, and I already have some really great memories that I'll remember when I don't want to remember other things.

So if you're from my old home, rest assured - I can feel at home here too, and it's not necessarily because of the house and how bouncy the bed is and how full the fridge is and how hot the shower can get.

It's because of my friends, my family-away-from-family.

PS: If you're concerned about the fact that twelve 18-23 year olds are living together without "adult supervision," please keep in mind that we are twelve 18-23 year olds who are here in South Africa doing mission work, and we each have the mindset that we are accountable to God, Ken and Judy, the AIM staff, and each other.

God made everything.

2008-06-18T10:13:00.004-05:00

I've felt a little off today, I think. But I don't think it's entirely bad.

Maybe it's the weather, but I don't think so. I've just wanted to be quiet all day. Sometimes I get tired of talking so much, you know? I get tired of laughing so loud. Which is not something I can really control, but still. Sometimes I just want to keep my jaws and tongue and voice still.

Went to the soup kitchen with Momma Judy today, and two of the aunties. (Okay, man, I forget that I can't really write things without explaining them. "Momma Judy" refers to Judy Kendall-Ball, one half of the Ken and Judy Kendall-Ball, our coordinators for our stay here in South Africa. Basically, they guide us and help us find our paths while still giving us space and freedom. They're good people. And "aunties" refers to two of the older ladies that we're introduced to, usually churchgoers, but mostly just ladies who deserve respect. It's a term of respect, "auntie.")

So anyway. Today we met Auntie Mags and Auntie Ann, two sisters who make soup for the soup kitchen. The "soup kitchen" has shrunk though, from what I understand - now they just take soup to the waiting room of a hospital and an AIDS clinic here in Port Elizabeth. A couple of AIMers help them by giving them rides and helping them hand out bread and cups of soup. I had a "good" time - it's hard to say you had a good time handing pieces of bread to sick people who were obviously hungry, some of whom didn't have teeth, one of whom didn't have an arm, all of whom were in need in some form or another. It's very difficult to say you had a great time doing that. But I do know that that's exactly what I wanted to do here - find needs, simple and clear needs, and fill them. You don't have to make it hard, you know? Helping people does not have to be difficult. Just hand bread over.

I'm also trying to prepare lessons for an upcoming VBS in East London, South Africa. Four other AIMers and I are going there a week from this next Saturday for a Monday-Friday VBS. I'll be teaching 2nd grade, using the curiculum that we help Ken and Judy print - it's called "Lessons to Live By." It teaches morals and ethics using bible stories, like obedience and patience and sharing and all of that good stuff. Lots of worksheets. I'm trying to plan crafts, but it's been a while since I was in 2nd grade, and I'm trying hard to remember what 2nd graders like to do. I'll let you know what I come up with, and how it goes. I still have about a week, which is nice.

We recently visited Seaview Lion Park, and it was a lot of fun. I have some pictures, and I'll upload them on here soon, but not now. I think dinner is coming up soon, so the pictures will have to wait. But the baby lions were a lot of fun to play with, their claws were pretty sharp and I got scratched, but it didn't really hurt. Their fur wasn't as soft as you'd think it was, but it wasn't like sand paper either. It was fun. It was neat to finally hear a big lion roar too. I don't think it was a full-fledged roar, but it was fairly close, so I was satisfied for now. The cool thing is, this place is about 30 minutes from where we live, and it cost only about 7 dollars American to get in (and about 7 dollars American to play with the baby lions), so I'm sure we'll be going back. Also, this same lion park is about 5 minutes away from the Xhosa school I went to a week ago, which is crazy. How crazy would it be if your elementary school was 5 minutes away from a lion park? That's what is so interesting to me - to us, that sounds totally cool and crazy and fun, but to those kids, it's completely normal. What's normal for this part of the world is ridiculous or absurd or even outrageous for someone who lives on another continent. What someone does in their daily life on another continent may make someone here extremely uncomfortable. Life, people, days, living, relationships, choices, differences, similarities, everything.

I forget sometimes that God made everything.

God made that woman in the hospital waiting room, and God knew her when she had teeth. She is imago dei - the image of God. She has some qualities of God in her, maybe her compassion or her patience or her forgiveness or her eagerness or something. She has something. He knows her just like he knows me, there's no difference.

How dare I think that there is?

I do things here.

2008-06-11T08:21:00.003-05:00

I made it. I'm sure you all know that by now, seeing as how it's been a week and if I hadn't made it and something crazy happened, you'd know. So now you know - I made it, I'm here, breathing South African air and seeing South African people.

I had no clue what to expect, or what things would look like, so I just had no mental image of what here would be like. But now that I know, let me tell you one thing - it is more than I imagined. It's larger and richer and brighter and better than I ever thought. I love it.

And I realize that I'm in the honeymoon stage, and once culture shock sets in, I won't think of it the same way I do now. But if first impressions mean anything - and I think they do - then this place, with these people, is what I've been wanting all along.

I look at the ocean (which is a 10 minute walk from our house), and I ride in the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road, and I pay 21 Rand for a meal, and I eat the food here, and I drink the tea here, and I breathe the air here, and I feel the wind here, and I lay in bed here -

And I can't believe that I ever thought about not coming.

It's amazing what not knowing can do to you.

I went to a school today, with Joey and Carolyne (two AIMers from last year's team). It's where they go every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - and soon Saturdays. The school was called Island Forrest, and it's in a town called Seaview, about 30 minutes away from where we live in Port Elizabeth. The kids are separated into two classes - Grades 01-3, and Grades 04-07. They also have something called Grade R, which is our equivalent to preschool. I would guess that there are about 20 in the younger class, and probably 20 in the older class, and about 10 in Grade R. We were just teacher's aides really, except the younger class's teacher wasn't there, so the teacher of the older class (her name is Ntosh - pronounced "in tawsh") took over that class for a while. We helped the kids with their math (I struggled a little with it, because it's been SO long since I've done that kind of adding and subtracting on paper! Plus, their methods are a little different, so if you do it "the American way" they get confused), and graded their work after they were done. It turns out kids here hate math too. :)

We spent some time with the younger kids too. There was this girl, Andisiwe (on-dee-see-way), and she loved sitting on my lap and playing with my hair. They all loved playing with my hair! They would just stroke my head (sometimes kinda hard!) and touch my hands...it was funny and surreal. Like they'd never really seen a blonde white person that close before. They were pretty onery sometimes, and you'd have to be firm with them, but for the most part they were sweet and curious, and fun.

The only problem was that we couldn't understand each other. The older kids spoke some English (some of them), but the younger kids only spoke Xhosa, one of the official languages of South Africa. They click their tongue when they talk, and it sounds very native and definitely cooler than English. :) But it's so interesting, the sounds they make. I want to learn more of their language so I can talk to them if I go back!

I probably will think of more things to talk about later. But for now, I'm going to go take a nap before church tonight.

If you have any questions, or if you want to know more about what it's like here, don't hesitate to post a comment and ask me. It's easier for me to describe this place if I know exactly what you want to know about.

Love you guys.

Shy Town.

2008-06-02T20:47:00.003-05:00

Neysia, Diana, Tyler, Sasha, and I are all at the Chicago O'Hare Airport! We're getting ready to board the plane for Frankfurt, Germany here pretty soon, maybe in like 45 minutes or so.

South Africa, here we come!

Prayers muchly appreciated.

Love you guys.

Updates are coming.

Pictures too!

As in.

2008-05-30T18:09:00.004-05:00

Well, the time's getting close. The time is getting really close.

As in, I leave in 3 days.

As in, my suitcases are packed.

As in, this is my last weekend in this country.

As in, I'm having to say goodbye to friends and family and places. Like, real goodbyes. The kind that hurt.

I'm awful at saying goodbye. I really am. I always have been.

But really, nobody's GOOD at them. Nobody LOVES goodbyes.

...Especially when they come fast, hard, and in multiples.

[we've come a long way, baby.]

[we're going to another country.]

Reminders from Room 430.

2008-05-15T16:58:00.002-05:00

I went to see my friend's grandma in the hospital this afternoon.

Well, first I went to Walmart and bought her some flowers and a card. Then I signed the card in the parking lot. And then I went to see her.

I was afraid I wouldn't find her room, or that I'd get the wrong room, or that she wouldn't recognize me and she'd yell for security. (Okay, maybe I watch too many movies.)

But I did find her room, with minimal difficulty. She was asleep, so I was just going to set the flowers and card down and not wake her up. But the flowers were wrapped in crinkly paper, so they made a sound when I sat them down, and it woke her up.

At first she was a little confused, because my face didn't look familiar. But then when I explained who I was, and that we'd met about 6 years ago, I think she started to remember. I just told her that I'd heard she was in the hospital and that I wanted to bring her some flowers and see how she was doing.

It reminded me of talking to older people while I was in Lubbock. My team visited a nursing home once a week for about a month, and I learned a lot. Older people get so lonely, you know? It's like they're forgotten. They just want to talk, they want to be heard. I understand that I'm generalizing it, and that every situation and every person is different, but that's just my experience. Nobody likes to feel forgotten, everybody likes to feel heard.

Seeing my friend's grandma reminded me of that. It reminded me that I need to not make people I know and love feel forgotten. I need to do my part, I need to do what I can, to make people feel loved and cared for. Not because I have to - but because I want to.

It also reminded me that everybody has a story. I met this woman about 6 years ago, and I knew nearly nothing about her. She has stories, stories of life and love and loss and pain and good times, stories that I can and should learn from.

I enjoyed being with her. It was good for her, I think, because she doesn't get a whole lot of visitors, but it was good for me too. I needed reminding.

"There is always some madness in love. But there's always some reason in madness."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Eighteen.

2008-05-15T13:37:00.005-05:00

Eighteen days until I leave. I can't believe it! I'm nervous and excited and it still seems so unreal.

Visa update: all four of the girls on my team have our visas! Yay! Now we're just waiting on the guys. Keep remembering them when you pray, please.

Housing update: two of the girls already there in Port Elizabeth (Brittney and Liz) found a house that they can share with the four of us girls. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, completely furnished - and when we split up the monthly rent, it's close to half of what we were paying in Lubbock. That's a really, really good deal. I'm so excited to see our new house! As soon they send us some pictures, I'll put them up here.

Eighteen days.

Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire.

-Arab Proverb

And there's more.

2008-05-14T23:06:00.002-05:00

I'm reading a book.

Velvet Elvis (by Rob Bell) - a book about faith and what it looks like, and the fact that it includes questioning. I really like Rob Bell and the thoughts he has. He's the guy behind this, and that's where I first heard about him.

I haven't read a whole lot of this book yet, but I can tell that I already like it. Here's a quote for you. Enjoy.

Questions, no matter how shocking or blasphemous or arrogant or ignorant or raw, are rooted in humility. A humility that understands that I am not God. And there is more to know.

Questions bring freedom. Freedom that I don't have to be God and I don't have to pretend that I have it all figured out. I can let God be God.

-Rob Bell

South African dinner and Brazilian sand.

2008-05-13T19:14:00.005-05:00

My dad made some "South African" food for dinner tonight. I use the quotation marks not because it was nasty (it was awesome!), but because he found the recipe on the Internet, so who knows if it really is South African or not! But either way, it was great. He made some white stuff that was a mix between mashed potatoes and grits, and a tomato sauce that had onions and green bell peppers in it. It was good and interesting to my taste buds! I had seconds. Nicci (one of my best friends who joined us for dinner) had two bites of it - she didn't really like it a whole lot. Dad, being how awesome and laid-back he is, wasn't offended. I think he liked it too.

It made me realize how much I love trying new things. I love trying new foods, reading new books, watching new movies, hearing new languages, seeing new places, learning new stories. I'm thankful that I have a dad (and a best friend) that like trying new things too.

Today's been a good day, except my back has been hurting pretty fiercely. Hopefully it'll feel better tomorrow - I'm too scared to go to a chiropractor!

Well, to wrap this up, I want to share a picture with you. It was taken by Diego, my fellow AIMer. He's from Brazil - so this is a picture of the names of our team members, written in Brazilian sand! I thought that was pretty awesome. Also, a quote from him.

Hum.. if I could just say a phrase resuming my 8 months AIM EXPERIENCE in America… I would say:

“IT´s ABOUT LOVE”

It is not about the language…

It is not about the culture

It is not about you

IT´S ABOUT LOVE. It´s about God´s love.

-Diego dos Anjos

Not Just A Credit Card.

2008-05-12T10:45:00.003-05:00

Here's another update that I forgot to mention.

My team and I had to go through the fairly complicated and ultimately frustrating process of getting our visas to go to South Africa. There are three consulates here in the States (in LA, in DC, and in Chicago), and you have to apply to one based on where you live. The consulates all have different paperwork that they require you to have, so the process can get pretty crazy - what I had to have to apply, some of my other teammates didn't have to have, and vice versa.

But luckily, the Chicago consulate's requirements weren't too hard to meet. We had to have a letter of invitation from the organization we'll be working with in SA, and a letter from AIM, and a letter from our home congregations, and a physical form filled out by a doctor, and passport pictures, and a travel itinerary...the list seemed to go on and on! But my team and I were really lucky, because we had a handful of people to help us with this crazy process - the AIM team from last year's class helped us, our coordinators, the mom of one of the girls currently there, and our parents, of course - so it wasn't too hard to keep it all straight.

I sent mine in on May 01, and just got it back yesterday. It was such an awesome feeling! That's the last final detail I had to cross off the to-do-to-get-ready-to-leave list. I have most of my support raised, and I've visited most of my supporters. I was most worried about getting my visa, but God is good. God is very, very good and He is very, very faithful.

I think I just needed a reminder.

-Tara

PS: Please remember my team in your prayers, because only 3 of us have gotten our visas so far. The other 4 visas are very important to our team and to how things will work out over the next few months, so pray hard for us! And remember -

Visa. It's more than just a credit card.

Long Time, No...Anything?

2008-05-11T20:10:00.005-05:00

Hey all.

Man, it has been forever, huh? I'm sorry. I could give you a lot of excuses, but I won't, because they'll just take up space. Let's use that space, instead, to fill you in on what's happened since you last heard from me.

Well, I made my top field list (refer to last post). I got put on a team of seven (four girls, three guys) going to Port Elizabeth, South Africa (we have a website - check it out! www.teampesa.org). I came home for Christmas Break. I went back to Lubbock and proceeded to move into my new apartment with my new teammate (the girls shared two apartments so that we wouldn't have to cram four girls into one apartment).

We started Mission Term - the third and final term of our time in Lubbock, where we have strict limitations on the "luxuries" of our everyday life. These limitations are in place to make us think about what it will be like on the field, when we might not have them. We couldn't eat out, watch TV or movies, drive our cars, play any video or computer game. We couldn't be on the computer unless it was to get information for school, or to email. We could, however, make phone calls anytime we wanted - which was nice. :)

We had all-new classes, geared more towards team building and growing closer together than gaining individual knowledge. We did team papers and team projects, and got team grades for them. It was a great - and extremely challenging - time for our team, as individuals and as a group. I learned a whole heap about myself and about the people I'll be spending two years in South Africa with. I grew close to them, I learned to trust them, and I love them. They are my family.

Also, we took a trip as an AIM class to Mexico City, Mexico. It, without a doubt, was the trip that has most impacted my life up to this point. It was a crazy-long bus ride (and hot on the way down - the air conditioner didn't work!), but it was more than worth it. I stayed in the Pink House, a house started by Sunset Church of Christ for missionary families working in Mexico City. It was amazing. We did a lot of community service, and we saw a lot of the city. I learned so much that week - about different cultures, about different people, about the real world outside of AIM, about what it means to listen and to love and to work hard. I took a whole mess of pictures - let me know if you want to see some, and I'll figure out how to get them on here!

Then we had March Madness - the craziest month an AIMer can experience. We went on a trip to Childress, TX, we held a week-long camp for over 90 high-school-age kids who were interested in the AIM program, we took a two-week-long trip to Arlington, TX and Tulsa, OK. It was exhausting! But a lot of really wonderful things happened during March. I met some people who are now my financial sponsors, I got to give a devotional for over 120 girls during Camp Adventure, and I got to go on a massive road trip with my classmates. It was awesome.

April also held some good times. My team went to The Woodlands, TX (a suburb just north of Houston) for our AIM Challenge Week, our last project as AIMers in Mission Term. Our team went to The Woodlands for a week all by ourselves - no staff, none of our fellow AIMers, just us. It was great! We learned even more about each other than we knew before, and we did a lot of good work with the church there. I met some great people who would later financially sponsor me.

Coming back to Lubbock was difficult, because we knew we were coming back to saying goodbye to our classmates and the staff. Our time in Lubbock was finally coming to an end. I'm still not sure how that happened - it flew by so fast! But that last week was a killer. We said goodbye to the staff, and to each other, and then we all came home.

So that's the big update. I'm home now, and I've been working on raising more support, getting my visa, and taking a breath and relaxing. It's been awesome to just hang out and take it easy, but I'm ready to reunite with my team. I'm ready to see them again.

I'm ready to be on the field.

Until next time (which will be much sooner, I promise!),

Tara

You're the Tops.

2007-12-01T22:17:00.000-06:00

Here are my Top Six Fields -

Durres, Albania.
Tomsk, Russia.
Port Elizabeth, South Africa.
Tlalpan, Mexico.
Santa Ana, Honduras.
East Kilbride, Scotland.

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've gotten on here...but life has just been crazy, and it's hard to remember to come here. And I really wish this was more interactive -
so comment and ask questions and come back often! Keep me motivated!

-Tara

Surprised and Disappointed.

2007-10-11T10:04:00.000-05:00

Q. What has surprised you the most about being in AIM?
Q. What, if anything, has disappointed you the most since you've been in AIM?

We have the first questions! I'm really excited about this...I don't know who asked them, but those are really good questions.

Lots of things have surprised me about AIM. I've been surprised about the type of people I met - I think that before I came to AIM, I had this crazy idea that everybody here would be perfect little Christians, wonderful people who never messed up. That's completely wrong. People here - especially the staff - will flat out tell you that they are sinners, that they are wrong, that they mess up, and that they need God to forgive them more than they need anything else in the world. I've also been really surprised about myself, and how I react in certain situations. Sometimes I think I would act one way, but I don't. I've been surprised at how much I've learned in such a short time - it's wonderful. So much information...information that's so important to life. I can't believe that I didn't know it before, and I can't believe that I haven't been spending my life teaching others this awesome information. Because it's amazing, and there's a whole world of people out there who need to know. I'm constantly learning and being surprised by new things - small things, huge things, everything. It's a blessing.

But not every day is wonderful. I've had days that have been so hard I just sat in the backyard, with my legs folded up to my chest, and I just cried. It's been a struggle - learning so much about others and about myself, and about God...I'm learning new things and uncovering new things, and that's hard because that knowledge sheds light on all the dark stuff. I'm starting to see how bad the world actually is, and how much people really need to be loved.
It's true. Did you know? People really need to be loved. I was told something a few weeks ago, and it really changed how I look at people.

"A person won't listen to you if they think you don't care about them. Love them - really LOVE them - before you try to talk to them about beliefs. Don't cram Bible pages down their throats."

That's why people in America don't open the doors when you knock on them to tell them about Jesus. That's why, when you ask people how they feel about God, they automatically get defensive. That's why people are uncomfortable when people even mention prayer, or heaven, or Jesus. Because somewhere along the line, somebody claiming to love God came along and shoved the Bible at people before loving them. And they taught others to do the same.
But that's exactly the opposite of what I'm learning to do here. I'm learning to look at people through God's eyes, not through mine. I'm learning to look past their flaws, past their dirt, past their sins, past their words, past their smell, past their anger, past their hate - I'm learning to look past that all and love them. Because God looks past all of that in me, and He loves me.

I think I went off on a tangent. Sorry. But my biggest disappointment is two-fold, and both parts have to do with Christians today.
Hardly anybody is really loving anybody before teaching them about Jesus.
Hardly anybody is teaching anybody about Jesus.

Listen to this. We had a field presentation (where missionaries present information on their fields and tell us why we should come there for our AIM field time - the 18 to 24 months after our classroom time here in Lubbock) on Tomsk, Russia. They told us that in the ENTIRE country of Russia, there are, at most, 1000 Christians. A thousand. That's all. In a country that's twice the size of the United States. There are nearly double that amount in the Sunset Church of Christ congregation alone - think about how many are in Lubbock. And in Texas. And in Oklahoma. And in the whole of America.
But guess what? Nobody's going. Nobody is going to Russia, where they only have 14 missionaries. Nobody's going to Albania. Nobody's going to Ecuador. Nobody's going to Scotland. Nobody's going to Peru. Nobody's going to Africa. Nobody's even going next door.
Guess why? We're too scared. I was too scared. In the month before I came to AIM, I had a lot of questions. I doubted by decision. Nobody really knew it, except maybe my dad, but even then it probably just came out as nervousness. But I seriously doubted that I could do this.
Me? Talk to people about God? Me? Go to a foreign country, with a different language, and tell them how I feel about Jesus? Me? Go right across the street and start up a conversation with somebody about their life? Me? Can I really do that?
I didn't think I could, and I'd bet my bottom dollar that there are other people in the world that feel that way. We don't go because we're scared. Because we question. Because we doubt. Or maybe because we just don't believe. Maybe because we just don't believe in God. Maybe because we just don't believe that God is that powerful, or that He can use us.
But you know what? He can. He can, and He did, and He will. One of my teachers says something that I really like -

"God works in, through, and in spite of people."

So my biggest disappointment, I guess, is really that nobody is listening to that. Nobody is believing that the world needs help and love, and they need Him, and we have to go take Him to them. Nobody else can do it but us. Nobody else can do it but me.

And I refuse to just sit by and not do anything.

Interactive.

2007-10-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

This week is finals week, and it's been stressful to the max! Ugh. No good.
But it's definitely been good for me to go through all of this. I'm learning how to better manage my time, and I'm learning what NOT to do. I'm learning that it's important to work really hard, but it's also important to step back and take a break.
I am working really hard. I understand what a HUGE blessing it is to be here, and I'm so thankful to all the people it took to get me here - I don't want to let them down. I don't want to let GOD down. So I wake up every day, I go to school, and I try my hardest on every test and on every paper.

So I had an idea. I am kind of having trouble finding things to write about - I know how everything is here, but I don't know what all you know. I want to know what you want to know about my life here and my experience!
Basically, I'm asking you to post your questions. What do you want to know about what I'm going through? It'll be easier for me to understand what to write about if I know what you want to read.
And seriously, this blog is for YOU. It's for me to keep in touch with you, and for me to keep you updated on how my life is going. Because you helped get me here - you deserve to have your questions answered! Please don't hesitate to ask anything.
I can't wait to hear back from you! It'll be like an interactive blog - we'll share it. ;)

Love you guys! Miss you!

Bye Hair!

2007-09-28T13:57:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody! I got my hair cut! It's really short, but I like it. Hope you do too! One of the AIM girls here has her beautician's license, and so she cuts our hair for free. Yay!

I'm so sorry it's been such a long time since I've written. Life here has really picked up and gotten busy - we had midterms and some big tests and some hard assignments, so I haven't had a whole lot of time lately. But I will try to get better at writing and putting pictures on here. I know I keep saying that, but it's so hard!

I really need to go and get some homework done, but hopefully I'll get to write more later. I love you guys, and I miss you. Thank you for helping to get me here...you are a blessing.

Overload.

2007-09-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a busy weekend! From my birthday to Area Church to procrastinating studying, it's been crazy. I'm ready for some stability!

I never have enough time to do anything. Actually, that's not true. God gives me enough time to do things - I just don't manage it well. I really need to work on that.

I miss you guys. But I'm hanging in there. This week is going to be better.

What I make it.

2007-09-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

So my birthday was good, but it was hard. It was really hard. I think it was because it was my first one away from home. I was really homesick. And I think I just had a lot of expectations for yesterday that didn't happen, so I felt let-down and sad.

But all together, when I look back on yesterday, I'll remember how loved I felt. My classmates really took care of me - they took me out to eat, made me a cake, broke curfew to get the eggs for that cake, made cupcakes, bought me cards, everything. I felt loved, cared for, cherished, and valued by people I only met a month ago. It was wonderful.

Nineteen, wow. I hope it's a good year. But then again, I know it is what I make it.

Birthday.

2007-09-14T13:24:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. I am nineteen years old. How did that happen?

To my family members who were supposed to come down -
I'm sorry the plans didn't work out. I wish I could see all of you, because I miss you a lot today. And every day. But we'll work something out soon. And be reassured by the fact that I'm surrounded by people who love me a whole, whole lot.

My classmates are showing me God's love every day - especially today. It completely blows me away.

God is so good to me.

Out.

2007-09-12T07:46:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry it's been so long. Life has been really insane! I'm pretty much scraping by on everything - food, laundry, energy, sleep - so it's hard to find time to do anything! Most of my time goes to homework, which is getting more difficult as we speak. Yikes!

So anyway. I'm sorry for not doing better on keeping you updated - I promise, I really will find a way to get pictures up soon. And once things start to settle down, and once there are clean clothes in my closet, and once there is edible food in our pantry...then it will be easier to come on here and write blogs every day. And I really want to do that - I want you guys to be informed of what's going on here. It just gets hard sometimes.

Encouragement from home is much appreciated. Whether it's in the form of a letter, a package, a phone call, a text message, a comment, anything...I love it and it helps me. But if it's a comment, please put your name! Isn't there a way you can click "other" and then put your name? Maybe you should try it. I really like knowing who they're from.

Love you guys. I'm hanging in there, so you better do the same.

California, here we come.

2007-09-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

We leave for California in a little more than EIGHT HOURS! I am so excited!

I have so much packing left to do though, and it's already eleven o'clock. Yikes. But all the shopping is done, now I just have to find a way to cram everything into my bags!

But in other news, our Area Church trip today was awesome. I took so many pictures, and we had such an amazing time. More details later though, I promise. I have to go pack!

I love you guys, and I'll miss you. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll hear from me somehow during this next week!

Love, love, love you.

How hard it is to escape from places. However carefully one goes they hold you - you leave little bits of yourself fluttering on the fences - like rags and shreds of your very life.

-Katherine Mansfield

Link.

2007-09-01T15:04:00.001-05:00

Here is the link to a video that the director made of my class so far! I hope it works!

http://www.youtube.com/hossbegone

Hello September.

2007-09-01T09:24:00.000-05:00

Good morning everybody, and Happy September! I think today will be a really great day.

I don't have a lot of plans or anything, mostly just doing laundry and going to Walmart and getting things ready for the California trip. I have so much to do, and so many little things to buy! I hope I can get it all done.

You might be curious as to how the laundry situation is going. It's actually really awesome, because one of my roommates, Ashtin, has a great-uncle who is an elder at the Sunset Church of Christ here (that's where the Sunset International Bible Institute is, and that's where AIM is), and he and his wife have been letting us come over every Saturday to do laundry and have dinner and work on our homework. They live out in the country, about 10 minutes away from the apartments, and it's just really nice to get away from everything and have a quiet place to study. So that's where we've been doing our laundry. It usually takes about three loads total for all of our clothes, so that's not bad. After December we probably won't be able to do our laundry there anymore, since we'll have to walk everywhere we go and who knows - I might not even be in Ashtin's apartment anymore - so I'm sure sometime before then we'll all pitch in together and get them a really nice gift.

After we do laundry, we are going to Walmart to get stuff like luggage tags, earplugs, snacks for the road, etc. I need to get shampoo and conditioner and deodorant (not that I'm already out, but I might need some before too long!) and some Sharpies. Then I need to do some packing. We've been told to "pack lightly in a small bag." What does that even mean? How big is a small bag? Heehee! Most girls don't even understand that concept. My problem isn't that I have so many clothes that I want to wear - my problem is that I think, "Well, might need an extra tshirt or two just in case I spill something on this tshirt, and I'll need an extra pair of pants..." And that turns into way too much stuff in one bag! But I'm sure I'll get it figured out eventually.

Right now, my roommates are sleeping and I'm watching "Pride and Prejudice." It's one of my favorite movies ever. So romantic! I also just ate some blueberry waffles (they were frozen and not hard to make) - I figured Saturday deserved a better breakfast than the other days.

I need to start taking more pictures. I want to figure out how to put them on here so you guys can see what my apartment looks like. I'll definitely be taking pictures as we're on our trip this next week, so that's something to be looking forward to! I'm so excited to see this part of the country and to go places where I've never been before. It's going to be really awesome. Keep us in your prayers though, okay? It's a long way to go on a bus that may or may not be reliable. :)

Just one quick story and then I need to go jump in the shower. The day before yesterday was my friend Aaron's birthday, and we had a little party for him. Somebody made him a cake, and it was so good! Except, there was no milk. So I, being my father's child, came home to have a glass of milk really quick. (This was after the party disbanded - it wasn't like I left my friends to go drink milk! That would be sad!) So I got out a cup and poured the milk, and took a drink. The next thing I knew, I was saying, "WHOA! WHAT??" It was soured. Oh MAN it was nasty! It was pretty much the worst thing I have ever tasted! Looking back though, I guess I should have known it was coming. I mean, it had been in there for a while, and when I was pouring it, it did look kind of weird, and now that I think about it, it might have smelled a little strange as I was bringing the glass up to my mouth...But oh well. You live and you learn, right?

Hope that made you guys smile. Love you and miss you truckloads.

For Lunch.

2007-08-31T20:44:00.000-05:00

Here's what I have for lunch, since my Ma wants to know!

We go to the store once a week, and we usually buy three Lunchables apiece. (At the Walmart here, they're 3 for $4, a total bargain if you ask me!) I usually get the crackers and lunch meat and cheese kind. They're cheap and easy to deal with.

So I have that three times a week. The other times I have what I like to call The Plain Ole Sandwich - two pieces of turkey between two slices of wheat bread. It's plain, but the bread gets all weird and soggy if you put mustard on it and it sits for a while. That's pretty much a well-known fact! And I put two slices of turkey on it because it just adds a little more "umph" to it, if you know what I mean. It's pretty darn good if I do say so myself. You should try it, especially on Wednesdays for lunch. It'll be like we're having lunch together!

Also, I usually back some of those orange cheese crackers or some Wheat Thins or Cheez-Its. And I pack a dessert like a few Oreos or one of those oatmeal pie things. And a bottle of water to drink. It's all pretty simple, and fast, and cheap. Such is the life of a poor missionary student. :)

Brownbag-ing it.

2007-08-31T15:28:00.000-05:00

Here's something else about our days -

Lunch on Wednesdays are really special. We have what's called Brownbags. We all bring our lunch and AIMers who are on the field write emails to us and tell us what they're up to, and give "shout-outs" to people they know in the class - this past Wednesday I got one from my friend Lydia, who is is Scotland. She's in the AIM class of 2005, so she'll be coming back sometime after January and she'll be graduating while we're here. It's so awesome to hear from people you know who are on the field. I know a lot of people from the class of 2005, because that's when I came to Camp Adventure, and it's neat to hear all of their stories about talking to people out on the field.

So during Brownbags, we read their letters and eat our lunches and we pray for them. It's really wonderful, because they know that they're being prayed for, and they pray for us at the same time. It's like we're sending up prayers at the exact same moment, even though there's a time change thing going on. But it's still really encouraging for everybody involved.

And that's what we do instead of Share the Word class on Wednesday. :)

My Classes!

2007-08-31T12:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's time to talk about my classes. Here's how the general schedule goes for the day -

8:35-9:15ish - Chapel
9:15ish-Noon - Morning Class (we get a 10-minute break at 10:30)
Noon-1:00 PM - Lunch
1:00-1:50 - Share the Word Class
1:50-4:00 - Afternoon Class (we get a break at 3)

Let's tackle these one by one.

First, New Testament Message. We have this class on Monday and Wednesday mornings and it's taught by Gibby Gilbert. We're doing a personal study on James, and I think we start later on in September. We learned the New Testament books, in order and how to spell them correctly, their abbreviations, and their themes. And now we're learning the Greek alphabet - I can already write their English names (Alpha, Beta, Gamma, etc) and the upper and lower case. So awesome! And we're working on using an interlinear Greek/English Bible to look up the original words in Greek and then find their meanings. It's really interesting, and it's cool to know that what we're studying is the language the Bible was first written in so long ago.

Then we have Old Testament Message, taught by Ray Young, on Monday and Wednesday afternoons. Ray is very lively and he asks very thought-provoking questions. We have to do a lot of outside reading for that class, obviously from the Old Testament. We've already read through Genesis outside of class, but we're just now covering the story of Abraham in class. It's slow-going, but a lot of fun and really interesting. He encourages us to read the Bible as if we've never read it before, as if we've never heard the stories. He wants us to really dig for the details and picture the stories in our heads.

And on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, we have Historical Christian Evidences with Ed Wharton. This is the hardest class! Ed is somewhere in his late 70's, but he is so intelligent and he really, really knows his Bible. I like the information that we're learning, but the way he presents it is very - difficult. It's a hard class, and we have to do a lot of homework and a LOT of studying. But it's worth it, because we are learning a lot. We had our first big test the other day, and I made a 92. There was only one person who made a 100, and just a little over half of the class passed. I'm telling you, it's REALLY HARD. (By the way, anything that's under a 70 is a failing grade, and there's no retakes or late work.) I'm not even really shooting for an A anymore - I just want to do my best, pass all the tests, get in all my work, pass the class, and absorb the material well enough to where I can put it to use. We have a test in there again sometime soon, but this time we won't get a study guide, so I definitely won't do as well. It'll be interesting. I'm pretty nervous about it, but it'll be okay. I've already made an agreement with God that I'll just put it in His hands and He'll take care of it. :)

Then after that class, on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, we have Life of Christ with Pat Sheaffer (he's one of the co directors of AIM). This is my favorite class. I mean, I like them all, but I look forward to this one the most. It's based out of Luke - we have Chapter Review Questions on each chapter. They aren't hard, just time-consuming. But it's completely worth it, because I'm learning more about the Bible than I ever thought possible! And classes started less than three weeks ago! Pat puts so much emotion into his class, and we really get to take a deep, deep look into who Jesus really was as a man, and what He did for us. It's amazing, and it's done a lot for me spiritually.

So those are the four main classes. And then on top of those, we have two more - Missionary Mindset and Share the Word.

Missionary Mindset, with the director Kris Smith, is on Friday mornings. We only have half-days on Fridays, so once this class is over we get to leave. That's kind of nice. This book is based in Philippians, and we're just really looking at the life of Paul and his characteristics, his life, and his mind as a missionary. Because that's what we want to be like, you know? That's what I want to be like. It's nice that we can just get together and really focus and what we're here for and what we are striving to be like - great missionaries.

Share the Word, which we have on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays from 1:00-1:45ish, is just a practical application of what we're learning in our regular classes. It's kind of like Missionary Mindset in that way. We're getting to learn how to write newsletters (you can look forward to getting some of those!), how to talk to teens, how to speak to large groups of people, how to have personal, one-on-one Bible studies, how to work with kids...lots of stuff! We're splitting into separate groups sometime next week I think, guys and girls, so it should be pretty exciting. I'm kind of nervous about it, but the more we do it the easier it'll get and the more I'll improve. At least, I hope that's how it goes!

I'm sorry this is so extremely long, but I wanted to tell you about all of them in one fell swoop. Kinda like killing six birds with one stone, right? (Okay, so that's not a GREAT comparison. Heehee!) If you have any questions or if something has been confusing, just post a comment and let me know. If everything is perfectly clear and you understand it all, post a comment anyway! I love getting them and hearing input from you guys!

Miss you and love you.

Test Explained!

2007-08-30T20:31:00.000-05:00

Okay. I finally have some time to sit down and write, so let me tackle things one at a time.

First off all, the "Test" blog entry shouldn't have been so confusing! I was having some trouble getting things all set up on this site, I was confused about some things, and that was just a test to see how something looked...so that's all that was.

Okay, next. Well actually, I think I'm just going to make a separate entry about my classes. So I'm going to go do that.

Waiting.

2007-08-29T23:01:00.000-05:00

There is just so much to say. I don't have the time or energy to say it all right now, but I promise I will get there one day, and it will be soon. And it will be awesome!
So hang in there with me.
Until then, here's a great quote from one of our classes today (it's paraphrased) -
"Do you ever get tired of waiting? I do. I hate waiting for anything. But sometimes I look back and realize that I needed to wait in order for something to happen, in order for things to really turn out like they did. Do you ever think that God isn't doing something quickly enough, so then you try to "help Him out" and do it yourself? Me too. It doesn't ever work when you try that. We learn by having to wait. We need God to take things slow so that we have room to grow."
(This was said by Ray Young, my Old Testament Message teacher. He's very cool.)
More later, I promise. Love you guys.

Test

2007-08-27T17:25:00.000-05:00

This is only a test. Please, do not panic. :)

The Beginning

2007-08-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody!
Wow, isn't this all so crazy and exciting - technology is amazing! I've been working on getting this blog all nice and neat for a couple of days now, and I still haven't gotten it just right yet. So be prepared for more renovations!
I'm not even really sure of where to start. There's so much to say! I guess I could start with how I'm doing. That might just make sense. :)
I'm doing really, really well. At the moment I'm sitting on my bed, under the covers, and my roommates are asleep. This is the first opportunity we've had to sleep in since we've been here - this is the first day that we've really had nothing at all to do. It's so nice to have time to relax and not have to worry about homework or school for a couple of hours. But more about that later!
So you might be wondering why I'm awake if I could be sleeping in! I can't ever sleep in, for some reason. It's like I have this internal alarm clock that always goes off and says, "Tara, come on! Get up! There's a whole long day to live - why waste it sleeping?" So I woke up at eight. I'm probably going to go have some black coffee and a granola bar here pretty soon. That's my standard breakfast around here. Can you believe I drink black coffee? I guess that makes me a grown up now! Or it makes me an almost-nineteen-year-old who just really needs caffeine.
But I am doing really well. I'm so happy here, and it's really important that you all know that. It was really hard for me to leave you back in Oklahoma, but I know it'll make it a little easier if you know that I'm actually okay and happy and that I wouldn't trade this for anything. So please know that!
So here's what I think I might do. There's so much to tell you about - classes, the apartment, the people, the crazy stuff that's happened so far - so I think I'm going to just tackle those subjects one at a time. Stay tuned, okay? Bear with me and be patient and come back often! I'll try really hard to keep you updated on how it's going here, because it's important to me that you know.
I love you guys!