I'm helped to see.

Photography helps people to see.  (Berenice Abbott)

Today was good.  I felt like there were lots of moments of creativity, lots of times of thinking about what would look nice in a beautiful and simple way, lots of times of deciding things in a happy way.  I loved decorating for the rehearsal dinner, and taking pictures of the rehearsal and the eating and the dinner (which I guess are the same things, but "the dinner" seems more like the act of people sitting around, being together, eating.  Or something).

I love, love, love taking pictures.  I wish I was better at it.  Maybe one day, I will be.  But for tonight, it was enough to do be able to have as much fun with it as I did.

I know it sounds kind of crazy probably, but I just feel like I am significantly more at peace with a camera in front of my face.  I like looking at the world through a frame.  It feels nice and makes my brain slow down for just a second.  I love it.

But anyway, maybe I'll take some more tomorrow.  I hope so.  There are other plans for tomorrow too - I have some late birthday things to do for my Ma, like take her to Bath & Body Works, and to Thai Thai.  Needless to say, I'm excited.

I'm so glad for this trip.  I love Lubbock, and I love my family.  I enjoy weddings, I enjoy taking photographs.  I'm enjoying this.

I'm blessed.

Love,

Tara.

PS: Below is a picture I took today, one of my favorites.

Navy Taxi.

Take your time, love, because you don't have to rush.  'Cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart - don't let them put you in a box.

- "Navy Taxi" by Kate Nash

I'm in Lubbock, in a hotel room.

The hotel room of my nearly-married cousin, to be more specific.

I can't believe someone that I feel close to is getting married.

But here's the thing: it's actually two someones, because my long-time friend from elementary/middle/high school/present times is also getting married, in a little over a month.

It just reminds me that I'm growing up, and along with the twelvepointsevenmillion other reminders that I feel like I'm getting, it just feels a little overwhelming.  

I know I'm not doing it alone, I know that.

It's just a little hard to come in contact with so many people who seem to not even be close to alone.

But as my good friend Lily says - 

"God is great.  Coffee is good.  People are crazy."

Love,

Tara.

Eighteen's good enough for me.

Oh this blog.  It seems like I neglect it until that point where it seems I have too much information to not post something, just in case there are some people out there who don't have a clue where I am or what I doing.  Which is entirely possible for the aforementioned reason - I neglect my blog.  :)

So, here are the updates, in the form of a numbered list- because it's just easier that way.

o1.  I now live in Shawnee, Oklahoma.
o2.  I have my own apartment.
o3.  And yes, I live alone.
o4.  And yes, I'm still in the AIM program.
05.  I'm just finishing out my time on a field that's less than two hours from my house.  Which, I know, is kind of funny in a sort of weird way.

o6.  I'm working with Lakeview church of Christ.

o7.  It's out in Bethel Acres, Oklahoma - a short ten minutes from Shawnee.

o8.  I love that congregation, already.  They are flawed, beautiful, outreaching, struggling, accepting, and loving.  I like that they put me to use so quickly without abusing me.

09.  I'm looking at different places to volunteer at in Shawnee during the week.

10.  I've applied at the local hospital, the Red Cross, and I'm thinking about the Salvation Army.

11.  There are tons of opportunities.

12.  I also am a sort of "on-call" receptionist for Family Promise, an organization that helps homeless families get back on their feet.

13.  Obviously, I also try to help out around the church - doing random bits wherever they need me.  

14.  I'll be teaching the kindergarten Bible school class this summer, and I'm pretty excited about that.

15.  I have a weekly date with the church vacuum cleaner.

16.  The sentence I have said most often in my experience in ministry?  "Just put me where you need me most."

17.  I think that there is a lot of potential here, and a lot of work to be done.

18.  I have been on my field one month (as of tomorrow), and have had the following emotions so far: exhaustion, mild frustration, wonder, surprise, awkwardness, extreme gratitude, love, delight, happiness, joy.

I could go on forever, I know.  But I think eighteen is just enough.

If you have any questions or comments, once again, please don't hesitate.  ASK.  One thing about me putting my life out here in this form, for whoever to read, is that I make it available for questioning, open for prodding - a scary thing for sure.  But there's a strength in being transparent and vulnerable, and that's the truth.

So, ask.  Question.  Comment.  Tell me.  Talk with me.  Let me know.  I'm here!

Thanks for reading.

-Tara.

I agree with Ingrid.

I have watched so many movies lately - it's been pretty wonderful.

Casablanca.  An Affair to Remember.  Funny Face.  The Way We Were.  Ice Castles.  Pretty in Pink.  Only You.  

Ridiculous, huh?  And there's more to come.

No art passes our conscience in the way film does, and goes directly to our feelings, deep down in the dark rooms of our souls.  (Ingrid Bergman)

Whatever you are.

I should have written this as soon as I got back, but I didn't.

And as I like to say, "No time like when I should have done it, a while ago!"  

Anyway, I'm home - in Oklahoma.  Right now, I'm in Duncan.  In my old house, with all its same smells, and in my room, with its same bed and blankets and pillows.  I've missed it, truly.

The plans are as follows: I'm going up to Shawnee to continue my AIM time.  Yes, that's right - I will be doing mission work in Shawnee, Oklahoma!  I know, it's hard to really imagine.  Most people define mission work (even if just subconsciously) as something that must be done on foreign soil.  SO not true!

God's people - every single person He created - need God.  We also need each other: to help, to listen, to babysit, to call, to text, to teach kids' Bible school class, to volunteer, to drink coffee with, to serve soup, to see at church, to laugh with, to call crying, to do office work, to answer the phones, to answer questions, to talk to, to hear us, to help us figure out life, to help us understand, to read with us, to help us find the right path and understand God's character more.  I am a firm believer that God created us to be in relationship with Him, and with one another - and that relationship that we have with one another takes a lot of different shapes and sizes.  You can teach someone a lot about what God is like by how you act, and how you serve, and how you live, and what you say.  We are here to help each other.

And so I am going to help whoever I can help in Shawnee, Oklahoma.

I had the same goal when I went to South Africa.  I wanted to listen, watch, hear, observe, learn, teach, serve, help.  And I do think that I did those things.  But I was also profoundly affected - I was listened to, watched, heard, observed, taught, served, helped...by both the people there and my team.  I'm sure the same thing will happen in Shawnee.  It's a give and take.  You have an impact on who you are around, and in return - you are impacted.  What a beautiful circle.

So that's the update.  I seriously, truly, honestly am going to try more to write in this.  Agh, why do I find it so hard to stay consistent with this?  I will keep trying.

If you have any questions, please, please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't hesitate to ask me.  Post it on here.  Email me.  Call me.  Facebook me.  Send me smoke signals, a carrier pidgeon, Morse code.  Anything!  Just don't be afraid to ask, and don't take the long road and ask someone else.  I'm here.  As one of my favorite teachers once said, "There are no stupid questions - just stupid people afraid to ask."  :)

Love,

Tara.

Whatever you are, be a good one.  (Abraham Lincoln)

Time.

It's time.
I'm sure that most everyone who reads this thing knows this by now, but I am no longer in South Africa.
I left on March 25th, and the reasons for that departure run deep. To put it simply, I felt like it was time to let God take me in a different direction. I needed to take a bigger leap of faith in God. It doesn't have anything to do with my teammates or my coordinators or the South African people - it's a decision based on how I felt I was serving my God and those around me. I need time to heal, time to be away, and a new place to serve. I'm still in the AIM program and I will be until graduation, in March 2010. I'm just going to serve in a different place.
And God, as always, has provided.
I am in Oklahoma now, and I will be for the next few weeks. I am hoping to see lots of people that I've missed, so I'm going to be all over the place. But I have a new cell phone number and an old email address, so if you want to contact me, it won't be hard. I'd love to hear from you and answer any questions you have.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support through this crazy journey. Where would I be without you?
See you soon!
It's time.
-Tara.

"Things change, but your ability to love remains intact."

- Reese Witherspoon.

Not the big news, but a brownbag nonetheless.

[Brown bag - 18 March, 2009.]

Hey guys!  I hope you’re having a great time at Camp Adventure!  I loved it - both when I went as a camper, and last year, when I was an AIMer.  It’s a lot of work, and it’s exhausting, but I think that what you gain from those days is worth every bit of energy you spend.  I encourage you to put your whole heart into what you are doing, and keep your eyes wide open for what God is teaching you.  Sometimes He uses the smallest things to teach us what we most need to learn, and that is a beautiful thing.

I was trying to think of a cool story from South Africa to share with you, and I couldn’t really come up with anything big.  I didn’t see any lions walking out and about, there weren’t any sharks the last time we went to the beach, and the roof on our hut doesn’t leak anymore.  (Just kidding about the hut - we live in a nice, second-story flat.  One that doesn’t leak.)  Most of the stories I can think to tell you are about the little things, the tiny moments and surprises that make you stop and be grateful for the life you have.

One of these moments happened just the other day.  At the end of our hallway, there is an older Indian (Not Native American, but from India!) lady.  There are always these wonderful food smells coming from her flat, and sometimes she leaves her door propped open and we see her doing laundry.  Sasha and I were coming home just a few days ago, and we were laughing and carrying on about something, and we saw her.  The three of us exchanged the usual, “Hey, how are you?  Good, thanks!”  As we turned to walk away, she said, “I’ve been missing you guys!”  It was just a really neat thing to happen.  I mean, we’ve never even really talked to her before - she’s only heard us being loud in the hallway (a hard habit to break for the typical American).  I guess she hadn’t had her door propped open the last few days, or maybe she’d been out visiting a friend or something.  Either way, it was a nice surprise to hear from a stranger that we’ve been missed...or even that we had been noticed.

I just think that those surprises, those little things that happen even though you don’t expect them, can be the most wonderful moments in your life.  Sometimes they change how you see people around you, sometimes they change how you see yourself.  And sometimes, they can even change your entire life.

Like the Samaritan woman at the well, in John 4.1-26.  This is a story we all have heard more than once - and for good reason.  There are so many lessons to learn from these 26 verses!  But as good as it is for us to read and to draw wisdom from, it was REAL for one woman.  This lady - a social outcast who had been married five times, a woman who was living with a man she wasn’t married to - had come to the well at a time of day when the other women weren’t there.  She didn’t want to have to face them, or face anyone who knew her past and how she was choosing to live.  She just wanted to get water, and to get it alone.

But then she got a surprise - there was a man there.  Jesus, the gift of God, the Giver of eternal life, the Messiah.  He was there, and He wanted water...from her.  As they talk, she discovers that He knows more about her than she knows about herself.  But He doesn’t condemn her - He makes her curious about the truth, and He teaches her.  That might have been the best surprise of all.

I just want to encourage you to watch for those surprises in your life.  They’re there - notice them and be thankful.  Things happen in this life that are unexpected, and they mess up all your plans, and they can make life more difficult for a while - but they can also change your heart.  They can change everything.  Never forget that God is in control of it all, that He’s faithful and that He keeps His promises no matter what changes in life.

Enjoy the rest of your Camp Adventure!  Take too many pictures, laugh too loud, spend time with your friends, learn more than you thought possible.  And watch out for those surprises - they’ll get you every time.  :)

Love,

Tara.

[shout outs]

To Lily - You are the wind beneath my wings, and the guardian angel that I accidentally ran over that one time on the way to Hart.  I love you.

To Ginger - I do miss your shoulders and elbows!  Awkward...but you know what I mean.

To Jewel - I love seeing pictures of you and your smile.  Our small group was the best.  That night we carved pumpkins?  Oh, the most fun!  I love you.  Keep Steve out of trouble.

To the South Africa team - I heard good things about you guys.  Anybody that can make Diana laugh gets points in my book!  Hope you guys are staying sane.  Enjoy this time.

To my classmates - Can you believe it’s been a year since we had our Camp Adventure?  Yeah, me neither.  What a ride it’s been.  I’m still praying for you!  Remember when Charles Speers talked about red hot lovers?

To all the campers considering AIM - Think about it.  Don’t rule it out.  It’s a crazy thing that can take you crazy places and teach you crazy lessons, if you’re open to it.  Crazy and beautiful things can happen.  Be open, willing, and ask yourself what’s stopping you.  You are in the prayers of many.

To Ralph - You are a good man, and a good example.  Thank you for everything.  PS: I emailed you!

To Pat - Have you ever watched the show “Reba?”  Mike and I think that you talk like the dad on that show.  You maybe should check it out.  Miss you, Patricia.

To Barb - You have more strength than can be measured!  Hug Amy for me, and know that you are appreciated and loved.  I once heard someone describe you as the ray of sunshine in the dark basement - it’s kind of corny, but so true.  Oh how I miss you!  Hold down the fort.  :)