Even simple and subconscious

It's not going so well.

Still not really ready to talk about it.  

Well not "it" -

I'm just not ready to talk about everything yet.

Processing, even simple and subconscious processing, takes a while.

-Tara.

Today, a choice.

I have come to the realization that I can only handle one day at a time.

I have to choose, today, whether or not I will walk with God.  I have to choose, today, whether or not I will let negative thoughts be more powerful than positive ones.  I have to choose, today, whether or not I will be helpful.

And my decision only lasts for one day.  I can't decide for tomorrow, or for yesterday.  Just for today.  I can't handle tomorrow's decision yet, and I have to move on from yesterday's.

It's easier said than done, but it helps to break it down into days.

Maybe that's why Jesus prayed "give us this day our daily bread."

-Tara.

trust

trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust

Maybe if I type it a few times, it will become easier.

More to come soon.

I love you guys.  Thanks for sticking in there.

Your prayers are needed.

-Tara.

Both hands open.

How miserable I am

I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here

after the harvest

There's nothing here at all

There's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone

There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet

We're all murders and theives

Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands

Are equally skilled

At doing evil

Equally skilled

At bribing the judges

Equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of our hands

Both of our hands

The day of justice comes

And is even now swiftly arriving

Don't trust anyone at all

Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father

The daughter despises even the mother

Look! Your enemies are right

Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled

Equally skilled

No, don't gloat over me

For though I fall, though I fall

I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness

The Lord, the Lord alone

He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord

Punishes me for the wrongs

I've done against him

After that He'll take my case

Bringing me to light and to justice

For all I have suffered

And both of His hands are equally skilled

At ruining evil

Equally skilled

At judging the judges

Equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands are equally skilled

At showing them mercy

Equally skilled

At loving the loveless

Equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands

-"Equally Skilled" by Jon Foreman.

I really like these words.  They are a good reminder for me.  They remind me that

01. I live in a world that is full of people who do wrong.

02. I am one of those people.

03. There is hope.

04. God is capable of forgiving and giving mercy, justice, and love.

05. God's hands are just as open to me as they are to the rest of the world.

06. I don't deserve those open hands.

Five to remember.

Here's a "questionnaire" that Kris sent out to past, future, and current AIMers.  He's going to use some of the answers in a presentation at the Tahoe Family Encampment in a few days.

Just thought I would share my answers, because it was pretty thought-provoking for me to answer the questions.  I was reminded of a lot of things - why I originally wanted to come to AIM, why I stayed in AIM, what I'm learning in AIM.

Enjoy.

01. Why did you come to AIM?  I came to AIM to grow closer to God (learn more Bible, become more disciplined) and to learn how to make disciples for Him.  Here's my theory: He deserves as much praise and worship as possible, and I want to do what I can to help make disciples to praise and worship Him.  Also, I was pretty scared of coming to AIM because it was "out of the norm" for me, but I didn't want to NOT come because I was afraid.  What better way to conquer your fear than to face it head on, right?

02. How have you seen God working during your time in AIM?  I have seen others around me grow in huge ways.  I've seen how AIM has effected the AIM Assistants - they have desire to be close to God, and they see people.  They see needs.  And I've seen God at work in me, through His constant providing and patience.  I've seen God use people to bring others to Him.

03. What was the hardest part?  The hardest part was facing things that I didn't even know I was running from.  It was hard to be completely honest with myself and to deal with the things I needed to deal with.  Growth is always the hardest part.

04. What was the most rewarding part?  Persistence.  It was rewarding to "keep on keeping on" in the school work, because I learned so much from my teachers and mentors.  It was rewarding to "keep on keeping on" in relationships - I grew close to people I will always hold close, and I learned a lot in those relationships.

05. Would you encourage anyone else to come to AIM and if so, why?  I would encourage someone else to come to AIM, definitely.  It's a place to grow and to push yourself, to be open and to have fun.  But most of all, it's a place to learn more about the God who created you, a place to get closer to Him one day at a time.  But it's a decision that should be made prayerfully.

Oats-horn and Bobbie Sue.

Here's an update on what's been happening the past few days.

Thursday, I went to Jeffreys Bay (where we had our retreat about a month ago) with Logan, Neysia, Sasha, and Nyasha.  We got to watch the finals of the Billabong Supertubes Surfing Contest thing...it was awesome!  I've never seen anyone surf like that!  Actually, I've never really seen anyone surf, period - so it was awesome.  Kelly Slater won, and we got to see him in person!  It was way cool.

When Logan pulled up in front of the house to drop us off, Liz and a woman from the church (Celestine) and her children were outside.  Turns out, someone had broken into Celestine's car.

That's two cars in less than a week, both in broad daylight.

Sometimes it's hard to live here, but days like Friday and Saturday make it worthwhile.

We (Diana, Johnathan, Mike, Logan, Anthea, Wendy and I) left Friday to go to Oudtshoorn (said like oats-horn), a town about 4 hours away from PE.  It's the ostrich capital of the world, and it was awesome!  The girls and guys stayed in separate chalets - they were really nice.  Anthea told us that a place like that was normal to stay in.  It had two beds and a couch that had a mattress thing underneath it that pulled out.  We slept very comfortably!  After having breakfast the next morning, we set out for Cango Caves, about 30 minutes away from Oudtshoorn.

I had never been in a cave before.  It was cool!  The girls took the standard tour, where they take you to 5 different chambers in the caves.  It was oddly pretty, and very interesting.  But I felt like I was inhaling carbon dioxide and no oxygen - not the best feeling in the world!  At one point, the guide turned out all the lights so we could see how dark it was in there.  Very cool.

After leaving the caves, we went to the Oudtshoorn Ostrich Farm.  It was ridiculously funny.  We took a tour, and Johnathan and Mike actually got to RIDE an ostrich.  Yeah.  It was crazy.  I got a "neck massage" from the ostriches - the tour guide volunteered me to hold a bucket of feed, with my back to the birds.  Then they came up and ate the food over my shoulders!  They were pecking at it so fast that it did kind of feel like they were "massaging" my neck and shoulders.  But I was too scared to think it felt good!  It was definitely a crazy experience that I can add to my list of Things I Did in Africa.

We got home and pretty much collapsed!  I was so tired, and we had church the next morning.  So bed seemed like the only option that made sense!

Today was difficult though.  It was Logan's last time at church.  I didn't think I would cry, but I did.  It's so weird, you know, because I don't feel like my sadness is really justifiable.  I mean, I only spent about 2 months with the guy - that's nothing compared to how much time he spent with his teammates and the church here.  But I am so proud of him and the work he's done here.  I'm proud that he's my friend and I'm so grateful that we got to know each other better here in South Africa.  When I see Logan with the church members here, it's exactly what I want to be like.  I want my field time to be productive like Logan's was.  I want to learn and grow and make relationships, I want to help and really see people.

So please keep Logan in your prayers as his field time is wrapping up and as he's heading back to the States to start new things in his life.

And Logan, if you're reading this, thanks for everything.  Izzie is really going to miss you, and I think the rest of us might too.  Just don't forget - Bobbie Sue took the money and run.

-Tara.

Is it me you're looking for?

Here's something that made me laugh a lot today.

Hope you enjoy it too.