Brown bag again.

Hey guys!  Man, I am sorry I haven’t written in so long.  I wish I had a really good excuse, like - “We lost power every Tuesday for the last three months!” or “I let a local friend borrow my computer and I just now got it back!”  I don’t have an excuse like that, but in all fairness, my computer was stolen and we did go on a three-week road trip across South Africa.  So life has been kind of crazy.

But to be honest, the main reason I haven’t written is that I’ve had a real problem with knowing what to write.  I think back on my Wednesdays in Lubbock and I remember loving them - brownbags were, to me, really cool and encouraging.  I loved hearing the awesome stories from far away, and knowing that there were people just like me out there who thought that this was all worth it...that was (and is) priceless to me.  

So when it came MY turn to write YOU letters, I wanted them to be a lot of things.  Fun.  Encouraging.  Wise.  But more than anything, I wanted them to be real.  I wanted you to see that there is a real world out there, and there is real work to be done, and that you really can do it.  I wanted to be real and truthful with you, and never cover anything up.  I wanted to be honest, and share with you what was going on in my life in South Africa.

You’d think it’d be easy to be honest, you know?  But I sat down at the computer on a lot of Tuesdays, just tapping my fingers and waiting for the words to come.  When those guys broke into my flat and took everything I had that was worth anything, I didn’t know what to say to you.  How could I tell you that it was all worth it, when I wasn’t sure then that it was?  How could I tell you that I knew God was really providing for me and protecting me, when I was scared to be anywhere alone?  It was a hard time.  I feel like I’m just now getting my feet back under me.

But looking back, I have seen God provide in bigger ways than I thought possible.  I knew from the start of AIM that God blessed me with great supporters, but they have really gone above and beyond in these last few months.  My home congregation, in Duncan, OK (woot woot!), agreed to help me replace everything that was stolen back in the end of July.  Since then, I’ve been able to get a new cell phone and help pay for my part of our car (a 1995 white Opel Astra.  We like to call him “Little Brucey.”)  And I was able to get a new laptop.  God is so very good to me - but shame on me for taking so long to see it.

Now, all of that to say this: I would really like to start writing you guys more.  I feel almost like I’m asking permission, which I know I don’t have to do, but I am very sorry that I’ve neglected to do for you what was so important to me.  Thank you for your Reply Sheet Thingies - they really are very encouraging.  Some of the things you wrote really made me laugh...you’re crazy!  Keep them coming, okay?

I just wanted to share with you something that I learned from Ken (one half of the Kendall-Ball Coordinating Team!) a couple of weeks ago, when he was teaching a class at church.  He was talking about the first chapter of 1 Peter.  There’s some really great stuff in there, but what he said about verse 22 has really helped me these last few days.  I’m going to put the verse right here (HCSB, anyone?) so we don’t waste any time.

“By obedience to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart...”

There are a whole lot of things we could talk about in this verse, but let’s think about the ways this verse says we are supposed to love.  Sincerely.  Earnestly.  From a pure heart.  Ken did his homework on this one and gave us some really great cultural references.  The word “sincere” comes from the time when artists would make statues out of marble.  If they slipped and took a chunk out of what they were working on, they would fill it with wax.  It would LOOK whole and complete, but it wasn’t purely marble anymore.  It wasn’t whole.  It would melt under the sun, and expose its true self.  “Sincere” means “without wax.”  Love each other without wax. Be honest, be true with each other.  If you make a mistake, be real about it - and start over.  This is our job as brothers and sisters.  This is how we obey the truth.  Another word that Ken described is “earnestly” (or “deeply,” in some translations).  This word comes from the Greek word for “catharsis” - purged.  Pure, but cleansed in the most painful way possible.  What keeps you from loving somebody like Jesus loves them?  What keeps you from seeing someone like God sees them?  Whatever it is, get rid of it.  No matter how much you like it, no matter how much it means to you, no matter how much it’ll hurt to let it go.  Get rid of it and start loving people in a real way.

This is my advice to you - not that I am great at it, but that I know how important it is.  You can do it because God made you to do it!  I’ll be praying for you, and I hope you’ll be praying for me too.  Thanks for everything.

-Tara.

Shout-outs.

To Kris, Pat, and Barb - Thank you for everything.

To the AIM Assistants - I miss you all.

To Sarah Beth Hall - I miss you like Bert misses Ernie.  Do you have Skype?

To Matt Hoadley - Have you ever been to Thai Thai?  It's my favorite place to go in the LBK.  Go there for me sometime soon, hey?

To Cassey Clayton - You take beautiful pictures, sister.  I've been praying for you lately.

To Ivankita Chalco - I loved talking to you on the phone the other day.  One day, I'm going to take you to get some ice cream and I'll tell you all about how your sister and I drove along Beach Road singing, "Vamos a la Playa, oh oh oh oh oh!"

To Everybody Else - Have a really wonderful break and consciously enjoy being with the people you are around.  Take too many pictures and laugh too loud and eat just a little too much.  And I will talk to you soon!  Love you guys, and I'm praying for you.

To a blonde, dorky girl from Oklahoma.

Hey all.

You know, I have always loved writing.  Seems like since I was little, I always loved buying journals and pens and pencils.  I loved the opportunity to sit down, open the notebook, and write anything.  That freedom is priceless to me.  There's just something in me that feels relief when I get all of my feelings out there into words on paper - or on the computer screen.  It's like a purging, in a way.  The most painful type of cleansing.

Which is how I knew I needed to write about the break-in.  But I needed time to get my feet back on the ground and be able to write down what I remember without freaking out - which is why it's taken me so long.

I know you've heard about what happened.  Maybe I've told you things myself.  But it's just time for me to get it all out there, you know?  So just bear with me and hear me out.

In our old house on Clevedon Road, I lived out back in the "grannie flat."  The flat (which had one room and a bathroom) had been used as a storage room for a good while, and it was in need of some serious fixing.  It also wasn't really hooked up to our security system in the house, which means I really should have reconsidered staying out there.  But I really wanted my own room, and I didn't think of the security.  I guess hindsight really is 20/20.

One night, Sasha and I went to a late yoga class at the gym.  We came home and they were hanging the brand-new curtains in our huge windows in the the living room.  I decided to go to bed a little early, but I asked Tyler to come out before he left so that I could tell him something (I've forgotten now what I was even going to tell him).  It turns out that when he came out there, I was already asleep, so he left.  

A few hours later, a loud noise woke me up, and I thought it might be Tyler trying to come in to talk to me.  I put my glasses on (I'm basically blind without them!) and sat up, but didn't really see anything.  So I laid back down and started to play some music on my computer, which was on my bedside table.  Then I saw something moving outside the window, and when I looked over there I saw two black guys, one was wearing a white bandana.  A few seconds later, they threw a brick in my window, opened the latch, and climbed in.  They made me get out of bed and they were yelling a lot of things.  One of them had a broken bottle and kept acting like he'd hit me with it.  The other told me to go into the bathroom and cover my eyes.  I told them I had money (around R6000, which is about 600 American dollars - I had been saving to help buy our car).  They asked where it was, but I told them I'd get it if they would just leave.  So I got the money, unlocked the door for them, and they left.

I know all of this sounds kind of peaceful on paper, but it wasn't.  I yelled - a lot.  (The police even said they had calls from a few blocks down because they could hear me yelling.)  They yelled - a lot.  They really tore my room up - there was glass everywhere, and all my things were scattered, my bed was a total mess because they'd looked under the mattress.  They went through everything.

I didn't know if they had gotten into the main house yet, or if they were really gone, or if the girls were okay.  When I had seen the guys walking around outside before they broke in, I called Sasha and told her I thought there were two guys outside.  I remember saying, "Just stay with me, Sash, just talk to me."  She could hear me screaming when they broke in, and then they took my cell phone and turned it off.  After they had left, all I wanted was to be inside.  I wanted to be with the girls, safe.  I didn't want to be alone anymore.

So I went to the backdoor and unlocked it and started yelling, "It's just me, it's just me, it's just me" - because I knew they'd be scared it was someone breaking in.  And then Brittney comes out of the door to the hallway and she's carrying a big ax handle (she was going to go outside to help me and she was prepared!).  I ran to her.  When she hugged me, I just started crying.  I have never, never needed to be held so much.  We went into her room, which is where the other girls were waiting.  (They had pushed wardrobes in front of the doors.)  I ran to the bed and we waited - for the police to come, for the security company to come, for Ken and Judy to come.  It seemed like forever that we were there, waiting.  I needed to do something, anything, because all I really wanted to do was scream.  So we got the Bible and I read Philippians 01 out loud.  Everybody came and made sure the place was safe, and I had to give a statement to the police.  We got some clothes for me and went to Ken and Judy's for the rest of the next day.  Momma Judy made us pancakes, I got a hot shower, I called my dad, and we started to think about where to go from there.

So there it is.  I don't mean to scare you, or to make you sad. 

Because look at how things are now.  I am sitting here in my very safe apartment, on my new computer, using the Internet through my cell phone, uploading music to put on my new iPod.  And we have a great car (named Bruce!) in the parking garage.

I have learned many, many things through what happened.  But if there's one thing I've learned, it's this:

God is good.

When those men were about to break into my room, I prayed - "Dear God, give me love and wisdom."  He has done a lot more than that.  He protected me, that night and every moment since then.  He provided.  He has answered that prayer by using others to show me what love and wisdom look like.

I will never understand why God is so good to a blonde, dorky girl from Oklahoma.

I love you, and I'm very thankful for you - for your prayers, for your encouragement, for your consistency and reliability.  Thank you for being here for me, with me, through all of this.

-Tara Ann.

Hap-hap-happy Halloween.

A short blog, but good news.

I have some Internet on my computer!  Yaaaaay.  

Thanks to Tyler, I am connecting my phone with my computer through Bluetooth.  Which is very good.  So now, hopefully, I'll get the chance to stay connected to you guys better, and to really let you know what's going on here.  And I'm putting more pictures on my Facebook, so if you have me on there, check them out please!  

We have some major catching up to do.

Love you guys.  Miss you.

Happy Halloween!

PS: They don't celebrate Halloween here.  I miss home!

Computer issue.

So I have a new computer.  Yay!

Thank you to all of the supporters that contributed to this.  You have no idea how amazing it is to have my own computer, with all of my old files (songs, pictures, notes from AIM classes) on it.  Thank you thank you thank you!

But there's a problem.  I don't know how to hook up my phone to work with my computer, so my Internet isn't working yet on my computer.  And I'm not sure how to even go about getting that to start.  Tyler (the resident Mac expert for our team) isn't sure, and Kuda (my South African friend who works with computers) aren't sure how to do it, so I'm pretty much lost.  I thought it would be easy but...it isn't.

So for now, I'll keep borrowing Diana's computer when I can.  She's been so awesome about this, very giving and very willing to share.  That girl keeps me on my toes.

Also, I got my final "birthday box" from home.  My mom and grandparents sent me lots of good things!  Some pajamas (which are now my favorite after last night), some books (which are much-needed, since books here have to be imported and are so expensive), beads and stuff to hand out to people (which will come in handy with the girls at church).  So it was a great, great surprise.  Thank you guys....I'm not sure you'll ever know how much this really means, but thank you.

I have a meeting tomorrow (Wednesday) at noon (5 a.m. your time) with Sherry, a lady from a women's shelter here in PE.  We're going to be talking about what I can do and how I can work there.  So please keep that in your prayers these next few days.

I'm going to go now, but hopefully I'll be back on here soon.  I miss you very much, and love you tremendously.  Please keep me in your prayers.

Here we come.

I'm leaving in the morning, and I'll be gone for 19 days.

There will be pictures and stories, I promise.

And you will be missed.

Love you guys.

Venda, Swaziland, Lesotho, Joburg, Durban here we come!

God is so good.

-Tara.

Changes and boxes.

So, we've had a little change in plans.

I'm not working at Van der Kemp Primary anymore.  It's hard to explain the reasons exactly, because they are complicated and confusing even to me.

But basically, my heart wasn't really in that place.  I dreaded going there every Tuesday and Thursday, and I know that's awful.  I hate that I couldn't pull it together and put my everything into that school and those kids.  But I think the work that we did there (and the work that Diana will continue to do there) is worthwhile and good for everybody involved.  And I look forward to going back there and visiting sometimes.  It's just not what I think I should be doing here right now.

Is that wrong?  I struggle with the idea that I'm trying to have a say in where God can and can't use me.  That seems ridiculous and wrong.  He can use me anywhere - am I willing for that to happen?

I talked with Momma Judy a little about it this morning.  She said that God has given each one of us particular spiritual gifts and characteristics, and when we don't use them, we can feel it.  I need to be in a place where I can use the gifts God has given me.

Where that place is - and what those gifts really are - is to be determined.  I'd like to work at a homeless shelter, or an orphanage, or maybe a women's haven type of place.  I'd like to meet people and form close relationships with them, have Bible studies with them, just listen to their stories and be involved in their lives.

Can I do that here?  How do I even begin to accomplish those goals?

We've been here nearly 4 months now, and I feel like I'm just getting started.

In other news, Gibby Gilbert (one of my AIM instructors) sent me a Facebook message yesterday and here's what it said.

Just thought you would be encouraged to know that I read part of your James commentary to the class today as a great example of how to do the assignment properly. It reminded me again of how well you express yourself in writing and I am still encouraging you to write for the benefit of others!

That really helped my heart a lot.  I love writing, and I want to use it somehow in what I'm doing.  If that means keeping a blog to encourage others back home, I'm game.  If that means writing a nice note to a person who is sick or sad, I'm there.  If that means writing a book one day...we'll see.  :)  But it's nice to be complimented on something that you love to do, you know?  So Gibby, if you're reading this, thank you.  It means more than you know.

We leave on our Big Trip a week from now.  I can't remember if I've written about it or not.  But anyway, we're leaving on the 25th and getting back on 15 October.  Yep, that's a long time.  Our team is going with Ken and Judy (and two ladies from Weatherford, TX - they write the Lessons To Live By curriculum) on one huge road trip.  We'll see lots of South Africa, as well as three neighboring countries - Venda, Swaziland, and Lesotho.  It's going to be crazy to be away from our new home for so long, but I know that God is going to show us lots of things on this trip.  Just keep us in your prayers, please.

Okay, one more thing.  I got four packages from home yesterday!  It was so awesome...like Christmas and birthday, all rolled into one lovely afternoon.  Two of the boxes were from my aunt and her church - they did a "donation drive" and collected a whole lot of stuff to send here.  We got lots of blankets and combs, and toiletries, and school supplies...we're not even sure where to begin handing out all of this stuff.  It's amazing.  Thank you so much!  My team and I will let you know how we end up using it all.  Just think - a couple of bars of hotel soap and some toothpaste have come a long way from your hands to my apartment.  And it will go even farther, from my apartment to someone else's hands.  They'll use it and be thankful for it, and that all happened because you let God work through you.  There aren't words to thank you enough.

I also got a box from a lady in the town where my dad grew up.  I know that I've met her, but I can't for the life of me remember who she is exactly.  But you know what's cool?  God used her to cheer me up.  A woman that I barely know cared enough to send a package all the way to South Africa, for me.  How amazing is that?  I had to stop and thank God for people who really care.

And lastly, I got my "birthday box" from my dad.  I can't describe to you how much this box meant.  He sent me an iPod, which is wonderful beyond words.  Since my computer and iPod were stolen, I've been borrowing other people's music to listen to.  It's so nice to finally have my own back.  Music means so much, especially when you're far away from home.  So thanks Dad!  He also sent me a black pillowcase that he sprayed his cologne on...the smell of home.  Pretty sure that pillowcase isn't leaving my bed for a good long time.  He got me a lot of other things too, and I'm so grateful.  It was like being at home again.  Except that I cried.  :)

Love you guys.  Hope to hear from you soon.

-Tara.

Another brown bag.

Hello again guys.  Hope you've had a great week so far, and that you're learning new things and growing every day.

I have another story to share with you, and it's about one of those moments when I stopped and said, "I am living in South Africa."

Diana and I go out to a primary school (preschool through Grade 07) on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  We work with kids in Grades 06 and 07 - the kids are ages 12-14, some are 15.  Their teacher gave them a spelling test in English - their first language is Afrikaans - and if they got less than half right on the test, they come to us to be tutored.  So basically, we're teaching the worst kids.  Because they are having trouble in school, they act up and get in trouble with the teacher, which makes them not want to learn.  You throw that in with the type of environment they are in, and it is a dangerous combination.  

The school is so broken down.  Most of the windows have been shattered by people breaking in.  Those people take everything that is worth anything - some of the classrooms don't have light bulbs, the bathrooms don't have pipes in them, the metal in the ceiling that holds the tiles in place is gone.  It is so sad that people are desperate enough to break into a school - a place that is purely beneficial for the community and its future - and destroy it.  The school is in such bad shape that it has an effect on the students.  When they do poorly on exams, the government won't give the school money to fix what is broken, which keeps it broken, which keeps the kids doing badly.  It's illogical, it's frustrating, it's real.  And some days, it's hard to be there.

The kids are so interested in Diana and I.  They want to hear us talk, they want to touch our hair and skin, they want us to take their pictures.  They are starving for attention, because they don't get it at home.  We're trying to form bonds and make relationships with these kids - especially the young girls - and I think we're making a lot of progress.

One girl, Allison, had a birthday not too long ago.  So I made her a birthday card and we bought her a little bar of chocolate (it cost less than one American dollar).  The teacher later told us that that was the only thing that Allison got for her birthday.  But here's the cool thing - her grandma's birthday was the next day, and she gave the chocolate to her grandma.  The grandma then shared it with her, and they both got a little chocolate for their birthday.

It meant something so much to both of them, and it cost us less than a dollar.

How often do we share what we have?  How often do we give, even when it means sacrifice?  How often do we see that when we give, God finds a way to return the gift?  Do we remember these things?  Do we do these things instead of just talking about them?  Do we see opportunities to give?

I know that every time I see a cheap piece of candy, I'll remember Allison and how she gave what she had.  I'll remember how easy it is to do something so small.  I'll remember how something so small can mean a whole lot, when you least expect it to.

Hope this has caused you to think some.  Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to give this week.  Love you guys!  You're still being prayed for.

-Tara.