Here we come.

I'm leaving in the morning, and I'll be gone for 19 days.

There will be pictures and stories, I promise.

And you will be missed.

Love you guys.

Venda, Swaziland, Lesotho, Joburg, Durban here we come!

God is so good.

-Tara.

Changes and boxes.

So, we've had a little change in plans.

I'm not working at Van der Kemp Primary anymore.  It's hard to explain the reasons exactly, because they are complicated and confusing even to me.

But basically, my heart wasn't really in that place.  I dreaded going there every Tuesday and Thursday, and I know that's awful.  I hate that I couldn't pull it together and put my everything into that school and those kids.  But I think the work that we did there (and the work that Diana will continue to do there) is worthwhile and good for everybody involved.  And I look forward to going back there and visiting sometimes.  It's just not what I think I should be doing here right now.

Is that wrong?  I struggle with the idea that I'm trying to have a say in where God can and can't use me.  That seems ridiculous and wrong.  He can use me anywhere - am I willing for that to happen?

I talked with Momma Judy a little about it this morning.  She said that God has given each one of us particular spiritual gifts and characteristics, and when we don't use them, we can feel it.  I need to be in a place where I can use the gifts God has given me.

Where that place is - and what those gifts really are - is to be determined.  I'd like to work at a homeless shelter, or an orphanage, or maybe a women's haven type of place.  I'd like to meet people and form close relationships with them, have Bible studies with them, just listen to their stories and be involved in their lives.

Can I do that here?  How do I even begin to accomplish those goals?

We've been here nearly 4 months now, and I feel like I'm just getting started.

In other news, Gibby Gilbert (one of my AIM instructors) sent me a Facebook message yesterday and here's what it said.

Just thought you would be encouraged to know that I read part of your James commentary to the class today as a great example of how to do the assignment properly. It reminded me again of how well you express yourself in writing and I am still encouraging you to write for the benefit of others!

That really helped my heart a lot.  I love writing, and I want to use it somehow in what I'm doing.  If that means keeping a blog to encourage others back home, I'm game.  If that means writing a nice note to a person who is sick or sad, I'm there.  If that means writing a book one day...we'll see.  :)  But it's nice to be complimented on something that you love to do, you know?  So Gibby, if you're reading this, thank you.  It means more than you know.

We leave on our Big Trip a week from now.  I can't remember if I've written about it or not.  But anyway, we're leaving on the 25th and getting back on 15 October.  Yep, that's a long time.  Our team is going with Ken and Judy (and two ladies from Weatherford, TX - they write the Lessons To Live By curriculum) on one huge road trip.  We'll see lots of South Africa, as well as three neighboring countries - Venda, Swaziland, and Lesotho.  It's going to be crazy to be away from our new home for so long, but I know that God is going to show us lots of things on this trip.  Just keep us in your prayers, please.

Okay, one more thing.  I got four packages from home yesterday!  It was so awesome...like Christmas and birthday, all rolled into one lovely afternoon.  Two of the boxes were from my aunt and her church - they did a "donation drive" and collected a whole lot of stuff to send here.  We got lots of blankets and combs, and toiletries, and school supplies...we're not even sure where to begin handing out all of this stuff.  It's amazing.  Thank you so much!  My team and I will let you know how we end up using it all.  Just think - a couple of bars of hotel soap and some toothpaste have come a long way from your hands to my apartment.  And it will go even farther, from my apartment to someone else's hands.  They'll use it and be thankful for it, and that all happened because you let God work through you.  There aren't words to thank you enough.

I also got a box from a lady in the town where my dad grew up.  I know that I've met her, but I can't for the life of me remember who she is exactly.  But you know what's cool?  God used her to cheer me up.  A woman that I barely know cared enough to send a package all the way to South Africa, for me.  How amazing is that?  I had to stop and thank God for people who really care.

And lastly, I got my "birthday box" from my dad.  I can't describe to you how much this box meant.  He sent me an iPod, which is wonderful beyond words.  Since my computer and iPod were stolen, I've been borrowing other people's music to listen to.  It's so nice to finally have my own back.  Music means so much, especially when you're far away from home.  So thanks Dad!  He also sent me a black pillowcase that he sprayed his cologne on...the smell of home.  Pretty sure that pillowcase isn't leaving my bed for a good long time.  He got me a lot of other things too, and I'm so grateful.  It was like being at home again.  Except that I cried.  :)

Love you guys.  Hope to hear from you soon.

-Tara.

Another brown bag.

Hello again guys.  Hope you've had a great week so far, and that you're learning new things and growing every day.

I have another story to share with you, and it's about one of those moments when I stopped and said, "I am living in South Africa."

Diana and I go out to a primary school (preschool through Grade 07) on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  We work with kids in Grades 06 and 07 - the kids are ages 12-14, some are 15.  Their teacher gave them a spelling test in English - their first language is Afrikaans - and if they got less than half right on the test, they come to us to be tutored.  So basically, we're teaching the worst kids.  Because they are having trouble in school, they act up and get in trouble with the teacher, which makes them not want to learn.  You throw that in with the type of environment they are in, and it is a dangerous combination.  

The school is so broken down.  Most of the windows have been shattered by people breaking in.  Those people take everything that is worth anything - some of the classrooms don't have light bulbs, the bathrooms don't have pipes in them, the metal in the ceiling that holds the tiles in place is gone.  It is so sad that people are desperate enough to break into a school - a place that is purely beneficial for the community and its future - and destroy it.  The school is in such bad shape that it has an effect on the students.  When they do poorly on exams, the government won't give the school money to fix what is broken, which keeps it broken, which keeps the kids doing badly.  It's illogical, it's frustrating, it's real.  And some days, it's hard to be there.

The kids are so interested in Diana and I.  They want to hear us talk, they want to touch our hair and skin, they want us to take their pictures.  They are starving for attention, because they don't get it at home.  We're trying to form bonds and make relationships with these kids - especially the young girls - and I think we're making a lot of progress.

One girl, Allison, had a birthday not too long ago.  So I made her a birthday card and we bought her a little bar of chocolate (it cost less than one American dollar).  The teacher later told us that that was the only thing that Allison got for her birthday.  But here's the cool thing - her grandma's birthday was the next day, and she gave the chocolate to her grandma.  The grandma then shared it with her, and they both got a little chocolate for their birthday.

It meant something so much to both of them, and it cost us less than a dollar.

How often do we share what we have?  How often do we give, even when it means sacrifice?  How often do we see that when we give, God finds a way to return the gift?  Do we remember these things?  Do we do these things instead of just talking about them?  Do we see opportunities to give?

I know that every time I see a cheap piece of candy, I'll remember Allison and how she gave what she had.  I'll remember how easy it is to do something so small.  I'll remember how something so small can mean a whole lot, when you least expect it to.

Hope this has caused you to think some.  Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities to give this week.  Love you guys!  You're still being prayed for.

-Tara.

Learning how again.

Okay, it's time to be real.

Ever since the break in, I have sat down at this computer, at this website, what feels like a million times.  And nothing ever comes out.

I loved blogging before it happened, but now I'm having trouble and I'm not sure why.  I have plenty of things to say, but they just don't come out right and then I get frustrated.

But I'm going to start trying again.  If it doesn't sound pretty or make sense, you'll have to forgive me.  I'm learning how again.

Thanks for your patience.

My 20th birthday was awesome.  On the 13th, the girls took me on a surprise scavenger hunt - blindfold, crazy hat, and mix tape included - around PE to celebrate my last day as a teenager.  It was incredible, one of the best times I've had here so far.  I love those girls!  On the 14th, the church sang the "Happy Birthday" song to me, which was embarrassing and nice.  Also, I got to request what Momma Judy made for Sunday lunch...I decided on grilled cheese, a veggie tray and dip, my favorite chips here (they are Doritos, in a green bag), and coconut cream pie. 

I don't actually like pie, but don't ask questions.  :)

Our new apartment is really working out well.  It's great to have an ocean view, and a place to call home - a place that we (Lord willing) won't have to move out of in a month.  God, seriously, blows me away.  I can't believe that He is so good to me.

I've started reading this book, Over the Underpass by Mike Yankoski.  It's so, so good.  The author was a student at at Christian college, and one day he decided to give up everything and live as a homeless person for five months.  The book describes the preparation and plans he makes, but that's the basic plot.  He wants to learn what it means to really be content in any situation - even when sleeping on the concrete in the rain.  He wants to learn how to treat people.  He wants to learn, firsthand, how the church treats people.  I think that's very brave.  

Homeless ministry is something I've been thinking about doing for a year now.  AIM opened my eyes to a lot of things, and that was one of them.  Someone once said that people won't really care about God if they don't even have any food in their stomach.  It's hard to understand that God provides things when you don't have a single thing.  So I'd like to feed people - spiritually, but physically too.  Let's start with some soup and bread and get you fed, then let's talk about you and your life.  After I earn the right to talk to you, we can talk about God.

Here's something he writes in the book.

A hungry man can be a fast learner.  When you come to a table with nothing but need, you are grateful for things you might have pushed aside before.  And when you kneel, hungry and broken at His table, you receive a grace from Him you might, at some other time, have completely missed.  You'll know this grace when you take it.  It goes deeper, quicker, and it burns all the way down.

Love you guys.  Don't forget that we're all homeless and broken and hurting and trying, every day.  Let God use you to be that person who helps others!  And let Him have grace towards you.

-Tara.

Even though it's actually the second Wednesday in September...

Here's my third brown bag.

Hey AIMers and AIM-related persons.  Welcome to the first Wednesday in September.  Can you believe you've been in AIM nearly a month now?  Let me just warn you - time is going to fly this fast for as long as you're in AIM.  So get ready!

I just wanted to share a quick story with you this week, but let me start by saying that our team has changed in some crazy ways since December.  We've lost 3 teammates - two girls, one guy.  When a teammate decides to leave, for whatever reason, it changes things in big ways.  Relationships within the team change and grow, and you adjust - because you have to.  Life changes, and a new normal establishes itself.  It's one of those "sad good" things, you know?  Like graduation or getting a new pair of Converse because your favorite pair have just worn out.  It just has to happen, even though it's sad.

So, needless to say, our team has been through some crazy times.  We've gone up and down, and I can say pretty confidently that I am closer to them now than I ever thought possible.  Sasha and Diana are like the sisters that I never thought I would have.  We live together, we work together, and we grow together every day.  We've had some very scary times together, and some frustrating times together.  But most of all, we've had a lot of crazy times that we will never forget.  Which brings me to the story!

A few weeks ago, we went grocery shopping.  Now, this wasn't just a trip to the store to buy a few things - this was a trip to the store to stock up for our new apartment.  We spent over 125 American dollars on groceries!  On the way back to our flat, we were thinking about how many trips it was going to take us to get all the groceries up...and we knew it would be ridiculous.  Four trips, at least!  Luckily, when we got here, we saw that there was a grocery cart in the parking garage of our apartment building...how convenient!  So we loaded that thing up and pushed it in the building.  But then the craziest thing happened.

Sasha got the grocery cart stuck in the doors of the elevator.

The elevator in this building has a tendency to stop a little too early, so it doesn't line up properly with the floor.  Because of that, we had to actually lift the grocery cart into the elevator - which took a while.  We had a LOT of groceries.  :)

So the doors started to close and Sasha couldn't stop them...and they shut on the cart.  We laughed so much!  I don't remember how we opened them again - I think someone just reached in and pushed a button.  We finally got the cart in there, and made a solemn vow to never have that many groceries again!  Oh, the crazy times we've had in South Africa.

You know, one thing we've always prayed about as a team is to be able to laugh through anything.  I'm a firm believer that you'll be okay if you can just laugh, you know?  Through it all, we've been able to laugh.  I love that God has blessed us with each other, and with these situations that always crack us up.

So this week, notice yourself laughing and be thankful.  Be grateful to God for blessing you with that specific moment of happiness, with that specific person or group of people.  He cares about us being happy.  Isn't that an amazing thought?

We're praying for you guys here, every day.  Hope you had an amazing trip to Mountain View...that one was one of my favorites.  Take care of each other, learn a lot, and keep praying for us too.  We love you!

-Tara

[Shout outs]

To Mr. Kris Smith - Didn't your parents ever tell you that having an injured foot is not a valid reason for making hateful picture comments on Facebook?

To Pat Sheaffer - I'm rereading Luke, and remembering what you taught me.  Thank you.  Know that you made a lasting impression!

To Barb - Do you remember when you drove me home from school one day when I was sick?  I'm not sure if I ever properly said thank you for that.  So, thank you for always going above and beyond.

To Lily - Hey, remember that time you gave me a minor concussion right when we were leaving for our Mountain View trip?  That was fun.  So was when our Hart Area Church group made omelettes for everyone!

To Logan - I'll never be near an ablution block and not think of you.

To Sarah Beth Hall - I saw those crazy pictures.  Looks like someone had a good time at Mountain View!

To Brent - Hello Buddy!

To Thomas - Have you ever heard a song called "Moment of Truth" by a band called FM Static?  I think you would sound nice singing it.  It's way cool.  I'm praying for you today!