Grown-Up Update, Or Something.

Dear World,

I would just like you to know that I just killed a spider.

I know, I know, it's not that big of a deal.  It's just a spider.  I'm sure it wasn't even deadly, and it didn't even show signs of hostility towards me (or Fish Vera Wang), but I am just not okay with that thing crawling around my apartment!  Next thing you know, I'll wake up with it on my face.

So clearly not okay.

I would just like to document this moment - I, Tara, have killed my first ever spider.

And I did it.  Alone.  And out of my very own will power.

But just for posterity's sake, I should mention that I called my dad while I did it, so that I could have a witness, and for some encouragement.  (I know it's dumb, but what if that thing had LEAPT?!)  Also, I may - just may - have squealed just a little bit when I went in for the kill.

But none of that matters, World.  The point is that I did it!  I'm starting to be a real-life grown up!

...or something like that.

More grown-up updates to come.

Love,

Tara.

Love love. Love,

The wedding was beautiful.  It was amazing.  It was fun, spunky, energetic, and tender too.

I loved it!

I hope that one day, iffin' I get married ever (emphasis on the ever), that mine is similar to how Shane and Lauren's was.

Love weddings.

Love love.

Love,

Tara.

The beauty in my life.

Isn't it crazy

How [life] slips right into your [life]

Forces everything else to the side

Fall in love at a glance, and that's alright

Isn't it crazy

How we never felt {so alive}

Until your world collided with mine

Trade love for a chance, that's alright

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always

I never knew I could love someone

Never knew I could feel [so complete]

After all is said and done, our love will still be holding up strong

I'd give all I have for love, that's alright

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always

After all {we have each other}

Nothing can hold us back from all 

that this life has put in our path

We will survive

{I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by}

That I need you forever when your eyes met mine

[I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name]

You'd be the beauty in my life, always 

"Always" by Stars Go Dim

The song my cousin's fiancee is walking down the aisle to.  Beautiful.  Listen to it.  Today!

Love,

Tara.

I'm helped to see.

Photography helps people to see.  (Berenice Abbott)

Today was good.  I felt like there were lots of moments of creativity, lots of times of thinking about what would look nice in a beautiful and simple way, lots of times of deciding things in a happy way.  I loved decorating for the rehearsal dinner, and taking pictures of the rehearsal and the eating and the dinner (which I guess are the same things, but "the dinner" seems more like the act of people sitting around, being together, eating.  Or something).

I love, love, love taking pictures.  I wish I was better at it.  Maybe one day, I will be.  But for tonight, it was enough to do be able to have as much fun with it as I did.

I know it sounds kind of crazy probably, but I just feel like I am significantly more at peace with a camera in front of my face.  I like looking at the world through a frame.  It feels nice and makes my brain slow down for just a second.  I love it.

But anyway, maybe I'll take some more tomorrow.  I hope so.  There are other plans for tomorrow too - I have some late birthday things to do for my Ma, like take her to Bath & Body Works, and to Thai Thai.  Needless to say, I'm excited.

I'm so glad for this trip.  I love Lubbock, and I love my family.  I enjoy weddings, I enjoy taking photographs.  I'm enjoying this.

I'm blessed.

Love,

Tara.

PS: Below is a picture I took today, one of my favorites.

Navy Taxi.

Take your time, love, because you don't have to rush.  'Cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart - don't let them put you in a box.

- "Navy Taxi" by Kate Nash

I'm in Lubbock, in a hotel room.

The hotel room of my nearly-married cousin, to be more specific.

I can't believe someone that I feel close to is getting married.

But here's the thing: it's actually two someones, because my long-time friend from elementary/middle/high school/present times is also getting married, in a little over a month.

It just reminds me that I'm growing up, and along with the twelvepointsevenmillion other reminders that I feel like I'm getting, it just feels a little overwhelming.  

I know I'm not doing it alone, I know that.

It's just a little hard to come in contact with so many people who seem to not even be close to alone.

But as my good friend Lily says - 

"God is great.  Coffee is good.  People are crazy."

Love,

Tara.

Eighteen's good enough for me.

Oh this blog.  It seems like I neglect it until that point where it seems I have too much information to not post something, just in case there are some people out there who don't have a clue where I am or what I doing.  Which is entirely possible for the aforementioned reason - I neglect my blog.  :)

So, here are the updates, in the form of a numbered list- because it's just easier that way.

o1.  I now live in Shawnee, Oklahoma.
o2.  I have my own apartment.
o3.  And yes, I live alone.
o4.  And yes, I'm still in the AIM program.
05.  I'm just finishing out my time on a field that's less than two hours from my house.  Which, I know, is kind of funny in a sort of weird way.

o6.  I'm working with Lakeview church of Christ.

o7.  It's out in Bethel Acres, Oklahoma - a short ten minutes from Shawnee.

o8.  I love that congregation, already.  They are flawed, beautiful, outreaching, struggling, accepting, and loving.  I like that they put me to use so quickly without abusing me.

09.  I'm looking at different places to volunteer at in Shawnee during the week.

10.  I've applied at the local hospital, the Red Cross, and I'm thinking about the Salvation Army.

11.  There are tons of opportunities.

12.  I also am a sort of "on-call" receptionist for Family Promise, an organization that helps homeless families get back on their feet.

13.  Obviously, I also try to help out around the church - doing random bits wherever they need me.  

14.  I'll be teaching the kindergarten Bible school class this summer, and I'm pretty excited about that.

15.  I have a weekly date with the church vacuum cleaner.

16.  The sentence I have said most often in my experience in ministry?  "Just put me where you need me most."

17.  I think that there is a lot of potential here, and a lot of work to be done.

18.  I have been on my field one month (as of tomorrow), and have had the following emotions so far: exhaustion, mild frustration, wonder, surprise, awkwardness, extreme gratitude, love, delight, happiness, joy.

I could go on forever, I know.  But I think eighteen is just enough.

If you have any questions or comments, once again, please don't hesitate.  ASK.  One thing about me putting my life out here in this form, for whoever to read, is that I make it available for questioning, open for prodding - a scary thing for sure.  But there's a strength in being transparent and vulnerable, and that's the truth.

So, ask.  Question.  Comment.  Tell me.  Talk with me.  Let me know.  I'm here!

Thanks for reading.

-Tara.