I'm not working at Van der Kemp Primary anymore. It's hard to explain the reasons exactly, because they are complicated and confusing even to me.
But basically, my heart wasn't really in that place. I dreaded going there every Tuesday and Thursday, and I know that's awful. I hate that I couldn't pull it together and put my everything into that school and those kids. But I think the work that we did there (and the work that Diana will continue to do there) is worthwhile and good for everybody involved. And I look forward to going back there and visiting sometimes. It's just not what I think I should be doing here right now.
Is that wrong? I struggle with the idea that I'm trying to have a say in where God can and can't use me. That seems ridiculous and wrong. He can use me anywhere - am I willing for that to happen?
I talked with Momma Judy a little about it this morning. She said that God has given each one of us particular spiritual gifts and characteristics, and when we don't use them, we can feel it. I need to be in a place where I can use the gifts God has given me.
Where that place is - and what those gifts really are - is to be determined. I'd like to work at a homeless shelter, or an orphanage, or maybe a women's haven type of place. I'd like to meet people and form close relationships with them, have Bible studies with them, just listen to their stories and be involved in their lives.
Can I do that here? How do I even begin to accomplish those goals?
We've been here nearly 4 months now, and I feel like I'm just getting started.
In other news, Gibby Gilbert (one of my AIM instructors) sent me a Facebook message yesterday and here's what it said.
Just thought you would be encouraged to know that I read part of your James commentary to the class today as a great example of how to do the assignment properly. It reminded me again of how well you express yourself in writing and I am still encouraging you to write for the benefit of others!
That really helped my heart a lot. I love writing, and I want to use it somehow in what I'm doing. If that means keeping a blog to encourage others back home, I'm game. If that means writing a nice note to a person who is sick or sad, I'm there. If that means writing a book one day...we'll see. :) But it's nice to be complimented on something that you love to do, you know? So Gibby, if you're reading this, thank you. It means more than you know.
We leave on our Big Trip a week from now. I can't remember if I've written about it or not. But anyway, we're leaving on the 25th and getting back on 15 October. Yep, that's a long time. Our team is going with Ken and Judy (and two ladies from Weatherford, TX - they write the Lessons To Live By curriculum) on one huge road trip. We'll see lots of South Africa, as well as three neighboring countries - Venda, Swaziland, and Lesotho. It's going to be crazy to be away from our new home for so long, but I know that God is going to show us lots of things on this trip. Just keep us in your prayers, please.
Okay, one more thing. I got four packages from home yesterday! It was so awesome...like Christmas and birthday, all rolled into one lovely afternoon. Two of the boxes were from my aunt and her church - they did a "donation drive" and collected a whole lot of stuff to send here. We got lots of blankets and combs, and toiletries, and school supplies...we're not even sure where to begin handing out all of this stuff. It's amazing. Thank you so much! My team and I will let you know how we end up using it all. Just think - a couple of bars of hotel soap and some toothpaste have come a long way from your hands to my apartment. And it will go even farther, from my apartment to someone else's hands. They'll use it and be thankful for it, and that all happened because you let God work through you. There aren't words to thank you enough.
I also got a box from a lady in the town where my dad grew up. I know that I've met her, but I can't for the life of me remember who she is exactly. But you know what's cool? God used her to cheer me up. A woman that I barely know cared enough to send a package all the way to South Africa, for me. How amazing is that? I had to stop and thank God for people who really care.
And lastly, I got my "birthday box" from my dad. I can't describe to you how much this box meant. He sent me an iPod, which is wonderful beyond words. Since my computer and iPod were stolen, I've been borrowing other people's music to listen to. It's so nice to finally have my own back. Music means so much, especially when you're far away from home. So thanks Dad! He also sent me a black pillowcase that he sprayed his cologne on...the smell of home. Pretty sure that pillowcase isn't leaving my bed for a good long time. He got me a lot of other things too, and I'm so grateful. It was like being at home again. Except that I cried. :)
Love you guys. Hope to hear from you soon.
-Tara.
