People in 3D.

I got to "talk to" some of my family just a few minutes ago, on Skype.

It was really kind of strange though, because they could see me and hear me, but I couldn't see or hear them.  I could just read what my Dad was typing.  So it was kind of crazy.  But I showed them around our apartment, and I talked to them for a little while.  I wish so badly I could have seen their faces and heard their voices - but one thing at a time, you know?

It's a funny thing, homesickness.  I find myself missing things about people that I didn't know I would miss.  When it's been a while since you've seen someone, it's hard to remember what their nose looks like, or how tall they actually are.  It's hard for me to place certain things about people - their eyes, their hands, their laugh, what it feels like to sit by them on the couch, what it feels like to hug them.  I can remember some things about them, like hair color or their smile or their favorite shirt, but it's hard to make those things come together into a 3D image of who they are.

Sure, I miss Sonic and Dr. Pepper and Wal-Mart and Target and my car.

But I miss being around people in 3D.

Love you guys.  I miss you a lot today.

-Tara.

Audio reminder from LBK.

Go listen to this.

Man, I need to be a better AIMer.  Being an AIMer isn't everything, but being an AIMer stands for something.  

Willingness.

Compassion.

Flexibility.

Diligence.

God put me in AIM for a reason.  God put me, as an AIMer, in South Africa for a reason.

I have no right to forget that.

-Tara.

Brownbag Numero Dos.

Hey AIMers, and happy Wednesday.

I'm writing this from our new apartment, which is crazy to me.  I now live with Diana and Sasha, my teammates, in a second-story flat with a beautiful ocean view.  We had to move from our last house (which we shared with two girls from last year's team) because it was in a part of town that wasn't very safe.  In less than a month, we had three cars broken into in front of our house, one attempted break in at the house, and one actual break in at the house.  It was, honestly, one of the craziest months of my life.

It's strange to think that I have packed up all of my stuff and moved three times since being here in South Africa.  When we first got here, we stayed in a big house with the AIMers from the 06 class.  Then we moved into the house in the bad part of town.  And now we live here. Three times we've loaded up our big suitcases, three times we've taken our clothes off of the hangers, three times we've put posters back up on the walls.  I've zipped and unzipped my red suitcase so much that the zipper has broken!  We've gotten to be pro's at packing in a hurry and never looking back.

It takes a toll eventually, you know?  Here we are, in a completely different country, very far from all we've known, and we're trying to set up a home for ourselves.  We get all unpacked and cozy and familiar with the area, and then we move.

It makes me think of Luke 9.57-58.  Jesus is on His way to Jerusalem with his disciples when someone says, "I will follow You wherever You go!"  Jesus answers, "Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head."  Lots of questions come to my head when I read this, and most of the time the true answers are not ones I like.  If I'm being honest with myself, could I really say that I'll follow Jesus wherever He goes?  I mean, He says it Himself - He has no place to lay His head.  When He's worn out and exhausted and can't go on any more, He has no place to go.  Do I want to follow someone that closely?  Do I love Him enough to follow Him to that extreme?  To go with Him that far?  To not leave Him and find somewhere else to go?

It's hard.  It really is.  It's hard and exhausting to live from a suitcase, to pack and unpack, to not even have a place in mind when you say you want to go "home."  But Jesus could do it.  He did it.  And He at least deserves for me to give it my best shot.  In the end, it's worth it.  

So I encourage you to be flexible.  You're going to hear that word a lot in AIM - take it to heart.  Be willing to adjust and give a little.  You'll grow from it, I know you will.  I did!  I also encourage you to get ready to be a wanderer.  Get ready to be confused about where your "home" really is.  And get ready to put your heart into a lot of places.  Don't forget - there are good people everywhere.  There is work to be done everywhere.

Thanks for listening.  I hope you guys are having a great week!  Hang in there, and be Jesus.  Don't forget - we pray for you.

-Tara.

[Shout outs]

Sarah Beth Hall - Thanks for drinking that Vanilla Dr. Pepper for me.  Now...have you ever had chili cheese fries?!

Zach Montandon - Remember when we talked on the phone during Christmas break?  Those were the days.  

Kristen Pope - Hello lovely lady!  I am so glad you are in AIM.  I couldn't be prouder of you.

Tony - Man, I miss you.  I wish I could be there to see you and Beth on the big day.  Maybe you could Skype it!

Beth - Seriously, I'm pretty sure the PESA girls screamed when we found out you guys were engaged.  You are going to be the bestest couple ever!  I do your little dance every once in a while, and it makes me laugh.

Ben Walker - Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeero?

Alicia - Remember that time in Mexico when Brent Pendergraft was sign language-ing something about a butterfly?  That kid is crazy.  But I miss the way you smile.

Josh Tucker - I read your "bad day" note the other day, and it was awesome.  Seriously.  Thank you.

Logan - You left your "100 Best Guitar Solos Ever In The History Of the Whole Entire World and Universe" cd here.  Can I copy it?  Also - I've been praying for you a whole lot lately.

Barb - I remember the first time I ever talked to you.  It was on the phone, and I was calling about how big the mattresses were in the apartments so that I could buy sheets.  Thanks for always being reassuring - from then until now.  You rock.

Pat - I have no bad memories of you.  Thanks for all that you do, and for letting your light shine so brightly.

Kris - We practiced "The Look" the other day, and you should have seen Diana.  You would have been proud. 

Hoot the horn.

I've been needing to sit down and write an update for a while, but for some reason every time I open this page, nothing comes out.  Let's give it a try.

We have a new apartment.  It's on the second floor of an apartment building that has good security.  The view from the huge windows in our living room (and from the room Sasha and I share) is completely beach.  There aren't any buildings in front of us, so it's an "unobstructed" view of the ocean.  It is, however, pretty loud during the day because there's a major road that runs in front of our building.  The taxis here are nothing like taxis back home - they are fifteen passenger vans that usually have crazy slogans on the side and loud music blaring from the radio.  Whoever rides shotgun usually hangs out the window and yells the destination of the taxi.  They honk (aka "hoot the horn") a lot.  So we're going to have to get used to the traffic sounds.  Also, we're not far from the PE Airport, so we hear the planes leaving.  And there's a bar (Gypsy Jack's) just across the way and I'm pretty sure that they were having karaoke a few nights ago, because the music was loud and weird.

But it's much better than where we were.

Not that where we were was so completely awful - God really provided and blessed us with that place.  For about a month I got to live with 5 other girls who have come to mean more to me than I ever imagined.  Going through a crazy experience can really bring you close together, you know?

Anyway.  We're out of that house and into an apartment.  

I've never been more thankful for a move.

This week should really start our "official" work.  Diana and I are going to a primary school tomorrow and Thursday, soup kitchen on Wednesday morning, team small group and youth events on Friday night.  It doesn't sound like a lot, but the days go by quicker than I'd like to admit.  I'm still searching for ways to plug in, and for the energy to do it, but things are gettting better.

It's so hard.  It really is.  I've learned a lot of things about myself that I don't really like - I have serious pride issues, and a hesitancy when it comes to letting myself really care for people.  Not really sure where those come from, but I'm thankful that I at least know that they exist.  

Better to be painfully aware of your problems than to be oblivious and never grow, you know?

But the point is, I'm trying.  Every day.  

That's really all I know to say for now, so I hope that's okay.

I miss you guys, and I love you.

My first ever brownbag.

Every Wednesday, AIMers and the AIM staff get together and have lunch.  They read emails that AIMers on the field send in.  It was a really cool thing for me to hear letters from people all over.  It was something I'll always remember.

Needless to say, it's very cool to be able to do this right now.  Surreal, but cool. 

So here's what I sent in.

Hey guys.  

I'm just going to go ahead and say it - I cannot believe that you are here.  Or there.  Or whatever it is!  Because you being there - in AIM, in Lubbock, in the Sunset Church building, in the AIM classroom (which, you should know, will be cold most of the time) - means that I really am here - on my field, in South Africa, in the living room of our house, on this crazy pink leather couch.  It also means that my classmates are out on their fields - on 4 different continents, speaking different languages, meeting new people, having their own challenges and times of growth.  It's hard to accept some of those things.  I miss Lubbock a whole lot, if we're being honest.

My time in Lubbock meant a lot to me.  It was a time of changing, a time of learning, and a time of having a lot of fun with my classmates.  My best advice is to take it one day at a time, take a whole lot of pictures, make memories, and let God grow you.  Time on the field can be very difficult, so take every opportunity to learn and prepare yourself.  And if it ever feels hard, rest assured - you can do it.  You can.  Trust me - but trust God.  He has you there for a reason, so be there.  Be all there.

Alright, now I am done preaching and telling you things that you've already heard.  (By the way, that doesn't make them any less true!)  It's time for a story!  Those were always my favorite thing about brownbags - the stories from AIMers who had been where I was, who made it through, and who were in awesome places doing awesome things.

Not really sure if this counts as an "awesome thing," but it was fun to me!

Carolyne (from the 06 team) had her 21st birthday party last Friday night.  Turning 21 here in South Africa is a big thing - it symbolizes turning into an adult, getting the freedom to come and go as you please.  But one bad thing about becoming an adult - you have to throw your own birthday party!  So as a part of Carolyne's big night, she had some friends come who were ballroom dancers.  (Now, that sounded really cool and fancy to me, but it turns out that they teach dancing in the schools when you're growing up.  So for them, it was just normal!)  They asked for volunteers - about 15 girls went up there (including me and my two teammates!), but only 5 guys.  It was kind of awkward when they asked us to find a partner, but it turned out to be just fine.

Now for the neat part of the story.  There is this guy here named Kuda.  He has lived in both Zimbabwe and South Africa, and he is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.  He asked me to dance, and it turns out he actually knew how to really dance - he taught me how to waltz!  It was so much fun.  I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was just one of those moments where it hit me that while there are lots of bad things in this world - lots of sin, lots of pain, lots of wrong choices - there are also good people everywhere.  Kuda has been a great friend for the short time I've known him; he's been kind, patient, and extremely helpful.  It is amazing to me that I have come 10,000 miles away from home and still found good people.

So if you're frustrated, and missing home, have open eyes and see that there are good people all around.  Put your pride aside and get out there.  There are memories to make and  good news to share.

Know that you are prayed for and loved deeply - even all the way from South Africa!

-Tara.

Philippians 1.9-11

[Shout outs]

Matt Hoadley - Hey friend.  Remember that one time we sat by each other at Camp Adventure?

Ivanka - Your sister is crazy.  She really is.  But we're taking good care of her, and she's giving all of us new hair styles, so everybody is happy!  I hope you're enjoying Lubbock.  We think about you a lot here.

Nate - I miss your hugs.

All Oklahoma AIMers - Hey hey!  I'm from Oklahoma too.  Do you guys miss it yet?  It might be hard to believe, but you might one day.  Even though it's crazy hot!

Matt Baggett - I miss you a whole lot, Maggot-y Baggetty.  You should come visit.

Pamela - Your sister is amazing.  She drove today and nearly killed us, but she's still amazing.  I miss your smile and encouragement.

Carla - Remember our Share the Word class?  I was so nervous!  Good thing I had you there to keep me calm.  :)

Logan - I was just thinking of when we got to the airport, and how after we hugged you said, "Well that was awkward."  It made me laugh a lot.  Also, we're moving in three days, and I am sad to leave your gum behind in the tree.

Keep them coming.

We have an apartment.

Well, not yet.  We're officially signing the lease tomorrow, and moving out of the Clevedon house very soon - within a week, hopefully. 

God has really answered our prayers - 

but keep them coming, please.  They are still needed.

Prayers for peace of mind, for safe travels for Neysia (check her blog), and safety.

Love you guys.  Thanks for everything.

-Tara.

Rediscovered love.

We're going to Cape Town tomorrow, for a few days.

It will be really nice to get away from here for a while.

In other news, I have a rediscovered love for the Olympics and black-and-white movies.

Day by day, slowly, one thing before the next.

-Tara.

Even simple and subconscious

It's not going so well.

Still not really ready to talk about it.  

Well not "it" -

I'm just not ready to talk about everything yet.

Processing, even simple and subconscious processing, takes a while.

-Tara.

Today, a choice.

I have come to the realization that I can only handle one day at a time.

I have to choose, today, whether or not I will walk with God.  I have to choose, today, whether or not I will let negative thoughts be more powerful than positive ones.  I have to choose, today, whether or not I will be helpful.

And my decision only lasts for one day.  I can't decide for tomorrow, or for yesterday.  Just for today.  I can't handle tomorrow's decision yet, and I have to move on from yesterday's.

It's easier said than done, but it helps to break it down into days.

Maybe that's why Jesus prayed "give us this day our daily bread."

-Tara.

trust

trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust trust

Maybe if I type it a few times, it will become easier.

More to come soon.

I love you guys.  Thanks for sticking in there.

Your prayers are needed.

-Tara.