Square One.

Just an update - 

I called the AIDS Haven today and asked if they needed volunteers.  They're full until November.

Square one, here I come again.

Touch.

I didn't sleep very well last night, but today was a good day.

Our friend Nyasha introduced us to something called The Touch Project.  It's a movement started by a handful of people - mainly 2 girls, Anna and Clair (with no e) - and its main goal is to spread awareness in Port Elizabeth.  Awareness about needs in the community, awareness of opportunities to help, awareness of God and how He works in our lives.  They go out to different organizations - orphanages, care centers, things like that - and find their needs.  Then Clair goes on a Christian radio station here in town and talks about the different places they go to and how others can help.  People do pledges and donate.  Also, they organize a "Day of Kindness" where people go out and volunteer there for a day.  So it's basically just raising awareness about things going on in PE.  Nyasha helps them out, when she's not in school, and she put us in contact with them.  I'm not sure if I'm going to do it every week, but today was cool.

We met the girls at Anna's house, and then went to an AIDS Haven that's about 10 minutes from the Gelvan Park church building.  There, we gave some items that were donated - food, a blanket, and nappies (diapers).  When we pulled up in the parking lot, Clair got a phone call.  We were waiting for her to get off the phone when we saw a group of about 15 little kids, on their way to the preschool they have set up in the compound.  (There are little apartments there for AIDS victims to live in, and there's a big building that has a dining room, a room with a tv, bathrooms, and a kitchen.  It's like a little town within a town.)  At first they were just checking us out, looking us over - and we weren't really sure what to do either.  But one suddenly just started running with his arms open towards us, and Neysia picked him up.  Then they all came.  They wanted to see what we were bringing, and they wanted us to hold them.  I've held little kids before, but none of them have ever held me that tight.  They didn't want to be put down.  Most of them are AIDS orphans - but I got the impression that some of them might be HIV-positive.  We played with them for about 10 minutes, and then got a tour of the facility.

I've never seen people so sick.  We actually didn't get to talk with the people who lived there - just the staff - but as we were walking down the hall, I could see into their rooms.  Most of them were just laying on their beds.  They looked so skinny.  The kids too, all of them were skinny.  But I held two little boys and their stomachs were bloated up and stiff.  I'm not sure if that's a symptom or what, but it was very sad.

This AIDS Haven - I think it's called the House of Resurrection - takes really good care of these people.  They have nurses and staff that know what they're doing.  The kids were just like any other kids.  They pushed each other, ran a lot, laughed and smiled.  Just like normal kids.

Only they've been affected by a disease they're too young to understand.

The woman who gave us the tour seemed to be the head of the operation.  She's only been there for 7 years, but she knows what she's doing.  She told us that the percentage of people with AIDS in Port Elizabeth has gone up significantly in the past two years - it's now at 35%.  And those are only the people who know they have AIDS, and who've admitted they have AIDS.  It's understood that there are more.

I would really like to volunteer there.  It's very sanitary, and they know how to handle HIV and AIDS.  I'm not sure if they need volunteers, but I'm going to contact them tomorrow hopefully and see what kind of information I can get.

Those kids...man.  I can't get them out of my head.  They held on so tight.  But you know, it's not just the kids.  The woman we talked to said that everybody is moved and affected by the kids.

The adults deserve just as much time and energy given to them.  It takes one choice to have your life be affected forever.  It takes a lack of knowledge for your world to be upside down.

And it takes one person at a time to spread knowledge, love, and care.

For more information about The Touch Project, go here.

-Tara.

Black out.

We're experiencing our first South African blackout.

This morning, right before I was going to shower, Neysia told me that we were out of electricity.  Here, you prepay for electricity by taking a card that is in your electric box (ours is in a cabinet in the kitchen) and having it reloaded.  The electricity comes in units, and when you get home you just put some numbers in on the box and then a few seconds later, you have electricity.

I only know this because we ran out once before.

Here was the main problem this morning - we didn't have electricity, so we thought our garage doors wouldn't open.  Which means we couldn't get our car out.  Which means we would have to walk to the petrol station (the gas station - where we buy electricity).  Neysia and Sasha ended up going, and they were back within 30 minutes.  The man at the petrol station said that Mount Croix (our district) was having a blackout.

We heard about these blackouts before we came - that they happened, that they could be pretty irregular, that it was hard to know how long it would last.  But we haven't experienced one until now.

It's really not that bad, because it's light outside.  Neysia and Sasha got the garage door open after they came back (as luck would have it), so we're free to leave if we don't want to be here.  My laptop still has charge, and my cell phone too - though it will probably die in an hour or so.  We just don't have tv (we've only been watching movies on it anyway - our DSTV isn't hooked up yet) or anything like that.  But so far, it's been okay.

In other news, Aberdeen's (a wooden furniture place) delivered by wardrobe today.  I don't know how they made it up our front steps and around all the corners in our house, but they did.  Good thing they are professionals.  My clothes are FINALLY hung up - no more suitcase, no more bookshelf (which is what they were crammed into before).  It looks nice in my room, I'll have to take a picture.  And the wood smell is nice.

The power just came back on.  Looks like that one lasted about 2.5 hours.  Not bad, not bad.

Oh, life.

-Tara.

The initial.

Our car got broken into this morning.

We had some girls over (from the youth group at Gelvan Park, where we worship) for breakfast, so Diana went to pick them up.  They got here at around 10.10 or so, and about 15 minutes later Diana heard the car alarm go off, but she thought she had accidentally set it off, so she just silenced it without really looking at the car.  But then about 10 minutes later, a man rang our doorbell and told us that he was part of the neighborhood watch group and that our car window was smashed.  We went to check it out and, sure enough, it was smashed.  And Diana's cell phone was taken.  But everything else - the papers, the radio, the R70 that was on the floor of the passenger side - was there.  So we taped black trash bags over the window (it had started to rain), and called the insurance company and the police.  The police told us that we needed to come to the station within 24 hours (which we did, and gave a statement and got a case number - I don't think it'll really go anywhere), the insurance said they'd call us back.  Usually in South African business (or at least from what I've observed), "I'll call you back" means "call me back later."  So that's frustrating.  But I don't think our insurance covers stuff like this on our car anyway - I think it just covers the third party.  Nice.

But we did manage to get the window replaced quickly - God has good timing, and He is good to us.  It was R900 for the window and the labor, which is around $140 American dollars.  Not bad, I think.  Especially because it was fast.

But it's just been frustrating.  Lots of things have happened today, have piled up today, and that can be very wearing on a girl's nerves, you know?

For those of you concerned about my physical safety, please transfer that energy into prayer.  We don't live in a bad part of town - it's just an older part, a busy part, a more rundown part.  We live closer to the bad parts of town than we were in Summerstrand, but it's nothing to be really concerned about.  If Ken and Judy thought it wasn't safe, we wouldn't have ever thought about living here.  And my room is safe - it has two locks and it's part of the security system.  I haven't felt really unsafe or threatened, but I do have to keep my eyes open and I have to be aware.  And honestly, I'm just not used to that.  I took advantage of security and safety in the States, and I wasn't even aware of the fact that I didn't have to be aware.  So constantly having to keep my eyes open is exhausting.  But I'll get used to it, I know it.

Just don't worry about me.  Once I get curtains up in my room, I will feel a lot better.  

It's just the initial getting used to here, you know?

Prayers and encouragement deeply appreciated.

-Tara.

Two things.

I'm kind of down, if we're being honest.

There's just a lot going on here now, and I have a lot of goals for myself that I'm having trouble meeting.  But it's not like they're all really important goals - some of them are just daily goals, simple goals, which makes it even worse when I don't meet them.  I might be too hard on myself right now, it's hard to tell.

Please don't worry though, okay?  This is why I haven't written in a while - I didn't want to put anything too negative on here because I was too afraid to make you worry.  Don't worry and don't think that it's like this all of the time, because it's not.  There are really wonderful days, really awesome moments, sometimes long strings of them together.  But then there are those down times, you know?  It's just life - but amplified, since I'm here, doing what I'm doing, exposed to people both here and continents away.  I believe that when you live this kind of life, you don't have the luxury of having secrets.  It's just out there.

So that being said, I've been having trouble.  We've been setting up things at our new house, but I'm tired of running errands for myself.  I want so badly to get started in what I intended to do here - going places, meeting needs, working, loving people, serving.  I know, I know, I can do that anywhere, anytime, any way - but I'm ready to step out of the "normal, every day" life that I've spent the last month setting up for myself, and I'm ready to step into places with needs.  

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, because I was scared.  We had a hard time getting our outside gate closed (the one that goes from the street to the driveway), because it was broken, and that made me feel really unsafe - especially out in my room, alone.  And on top of that, it was thundering and raining hard, and the wind was strong.  When the wind blows - even just a little - the branches over the "barbeque" area (between my flat and the house) scrape and blow against my walls, and it makes a noise that is, well, not pleasant.  Also, the walls in my room are cement, the floor is ceramic tile, and it's been in the 40s and 50s (Fahrenheit) here at night - so it's very, very cold.

Needless to say, I had a hard time getting to sleep.  I was scared, cold, and alone.  I put on a movie to drown out the scratchy noises and to take my mind off the broken gate, and I eventually fell asleep.

But not before I prayed.

Let me tell you how I feel about prayer now.  You can agree or disagree, and that's okay.  If you feel we need to talk about it, that's okay too.  But here it is.

I feel like I spent most of my life trying to sugar-coat things for God.  When I prayed to Him, I would only give him the "nice" version of the story, or the shortened version, or the easy version.  Not the whole version.  It's like I turned my life into a corny made-for-TV movie for the only one who really saw the whole unedited, uncut version.  I don't know why I did that, but the reasons don't really matter now.

I don't want to sugar-coat things with God.  I don't want to try to put my life into a neat box for Him - He knows what a mess it is.  That's why grace is such a humbling concept.

But I realized sometime in this past year that I wasn't telling God the truth.  I wasn't "flat-out" lying to Him, but I also wasn't telling Him the whole story.  I was drawing lines, building walls, putting up signs, saying He was and wasn't allowed access to certain places in my life.

That's no way to treat the one who created me.

Now I do my best to tell God the truth, all of it.  If my eyes and brain and heart and thoughts and all of my senses are cameras that take footage, I have to believe that God deserves to see the real, raw, uncut and unedited footage that they take in everyday.  God deserves it.

I just wanted to share that with you.  If you disagree, it's okay.  If you agree, thank you for your support.  If you struggle with it, I understand.  It's hard.  Keep contending.

Either way, I hope I said something that will help.

So last night, when I prayed, I told Him that I was really scared and that I was having trouble trusting Him.

It really is better to live life without secrets.

-Tara.

Two things You told me - that You love me, and that You are strong.  (Jon Foreman)

The gecko.

Let me tell you a little story involving three girls from America, a gecko, and a small bathroom.

We're in East London, helping with a VBS.  Diana, Neysia, and I are staying with the du Preez family (two parents, five children) - we're living out in a flat that's separated from the house.  It has a small bathroom, a toilet and sink separated by a partition that folds up accordion-style.  Neysia went in to use the toilet, and I was sitting on the couch that's about four feet from there.  She came out and said, "There's a lizard in there."

I'm pretty sure I said, "No way!"  And when I went to look, sure enough.  A lizard (more specifically, a gecko) on the ceiling.  

I only know that it was a gecko because the boys had caught one at the church building the day before (it had also been on the ceiling).  Gill (pronounced like Jill, she's our host mom) told us that they bite humans when you make them mad.  I already don't have strong affections for creepy crawly things, and that information just made me like the gecko even less.

I thought Diana would be much braver than I was feeling at the moment, so I asked her to come see if she could catch it while Neysia and I stood on the couches.  She got a hanger and a big piece of construction paper that one of the kids had painted on at school (a cow and flowers, I think) and tried to scoot it back out of the open window it came from.

But alas, no luck.  At one point it ran quickly and Diana started screaming, so Neysia and I did too.  We called up to the house to ask Gill to send one of the boys down (ages 10 and 8, I think), but she wouldn't for some reason.  But Chantelle (the oldest daughter, age 20) heard us screaming and came to save us.

When we told her there was a gecko in the bathroom, she just rolled her eyes and smiled.  Apparently there are a lot of geckos here.  Anyway, she also tried to usher it out of the open window - but 10 minutes later, it went into the light fixture and up into the ceiling, never to be heard from again.

That doesn't mean that we weren't hesitant to use the bathroom last night though!

Thought you would enjoy that.  I'll get you pictures of the gecko later.

And more info about East London and the VBS coming up soon!

Good thing.

Well, it's Monday.  8.40 AM.  New day.

Today we (the girls from my team, and Brittney and Liz from Team One) get the keys to our house.  We're going at one to meet our landlady and to check out the security system.  The previous tenants (four boys) didn't even use the security system, so we're not sure what kind of shape it's in.  Brittney is calling the security company this morning and asking them to have someone meet us there at one, so we can get all that figured out.  Because the sooner we get the security system up, the faster we can move into the house.  Ken and Judy won't let us move in without one.  We're hoping to move in tomorrow.  I can't wait to get the new house because that means I can finally stop living out of my suitcase, and I can have a place to call home that I won't have to move out of soon (hopefully).  Plus, I can't wait to see what the inside looks like, what my room will be like and how the kitchen and living room are.  This is the place I will call home for the next year-and-a-half-ish, so I'm excited to see it.

I told you I would tell you more about what Jeffreys Bay (heretoafter referred to as JBay - that's what they call it) was like, and how our retreat went.  JBay itself was beautiful.  It's a surfer town, and they have a surfing competition there every year that's internationally known, and (for the girls!) a festival where companies like Billabong and Quiksilver have booths set up and you can buy things.  Apparently it's a pretty big deal.  Maybe we'll go to it next year.

The house we stayed in was amazing.  Carolyne (from last year's team) got it for us - her friend Nyasha knows the owners and they let us stay there for free.  They actually live in PE, but this house is their weekend house in JBay.  It was amazing.  The girls all slept in one room (bunk beds!) and the boys in another room (bunk beds, but with an amazing ocean view), and Ken and Judy slept in another room (no bunk beds, same amazing view).  The rooms facing the beach all had huge windows, wide open.  I got to watch my first-ever South African sunrises, but I didn't have to get up that early - the sun rose at about 7.15 each morning.  It was amazing.  I just went out on the deck and watched it come up over the ocean.  Speaking of the ocean, the beach was just a few steps away from the back door of the house.  It literally took about 30 seconds to walk down there, and then your feet were in the water.  So amazing.  Momma Judy cooked awesome meals for us (pancakes, lasagna, soup, chocolate cake, salad, the works!) and there were a lot of dishes to wash after every meal!  But it was so much fun.  The teams split up and had to do skits about themselves (the teammates had play each other).  It was interesting to see the little mannerisms that other people say you have.  Even though we were dramatizing each other's personalities, we still learned about each other and had a lot of laughs doing it.  I played Tyler (I stood on an ottoman, because he's so much taller than the rest of us!) and Sasha played me.  It was so good to laugh like that with each other, and to just have some simple fun - I don't think we've gotten that chance since we've been here.  We got to learn about the old team and how they think of each other.  I loved it.

On Saturday we did pretty much nothing.  It was nice.  :)  The girls colored for a while (Momma Judy brought coloring sheets!) and then we went to town to shop.  I bought a pink Billabong hat and a teal colored wallet.  I never thought I would be in a store that sells surfing gear!  Oh, life in South Africa.  Surprises everywhere.  

Saturday night, we took a personality test.  The four main personality classifications are Popular, Powerful, Perfect, and Peaceful.  I turned out to be a Popular Perfect - which means (I think) that I like to be social but I also like details.  I have a lot of Peaceful in me as well; I'm sure you can guess what that means.  I liked taking the test, and it was cool to see everyone's results.  

It was a great weekend.  The sunrises, the waves, the sand, the couches, the bunk beds, the meals, the rest.  I'm so glad we went, and that Team One took the time and effort to plan this weekend for us.  We all needed it.

But you know what they say - all good things must come to an end.  But who is "they" anyway?  I wonder if They are sad that They didn't get the credit for coming up with that.  Probably not, because They are probably dead by now.  But still, it's true.  Well, about most things.  I think it's conditional - not all good things come to an end.

But our weekend did.

Good thing we have high hopes for this next week!

Hope you have a great day today.

PS: If you're praying for me, thank you.