Surprised and Disappointed.

Q. What has surprised you the most about being in AIM?
Q. What, if anything, has disappointed you the most since you've been in AIM?

We have the first questions! I'm really excited about this...I don't know who asked them, but those are really good questions.

Lots of things have surprised me about AIM. I've been surprised about the type of people I met - I think that before I came to AIM, I had this crazy idea that everybody here would be perfect little Christians, wonderful people who never messed up. That's completely wrong. People here - especially the staff - will flat out tell you that they are sinners, that they are wrong, that they mess up, and that they need God to forgive them more than they need anything else in the world. I've also been really surprised about myself, and how I react in certain situations. Sometimes I think I would act one way, but I don't. I've been surprised at how much I've learned in such a short time - it's wonderful. So much information...information that's so important to life. I can't believe that I didn't know it before, and I can't believe that I haven't been spending my life teaching others this awesome information. Because it's amazing, and there's a whole world of people out there who need to know. I'm constantly learning and being surprised by new things - small things, huge things, everything. It's a blessing.

But not every day is wonderful. I've had days that have been so hard I just sat in the backyard, with my legs folded up to my chest, and I just cried. It's been a struggle - learning so much about others and about myself, and about God...I'm learning new things and uncovering new things, and that's hard because that knowledge sheds light on all the dark stuff. I'm starting to see how bad the world actually is, and how much people really need to be loved.
It's true. Did you know? People really need to be loved. I was told something a few weeks ago, and it really changed how I look at people.

"A person won't listen to you if they think you don't care about them. Love them - really LOVE them - before you try to talk to them about beliefs. Don't cram Bible pages down their throats."

That's why people in America don't open the doors when you knock on them to tell them about Jesus. That's why, when you ask people how they feel about God, they automatically get defensive. That's why people are uncomfortable when people even mention prayer, or heaven, or Jesus. Because somewhere along the line, somebody claiming to love God came along and shoved the Bible at people before loving them. And they taught others to do the same.
But that's exactly the opposite of what I'm learning to do here. I'm learning to look at people through God's eyes, not through mine. I'm learning to look past their flaws, past their dirt, past their sins, past their words, past their smell, past their anger, past their hate - I'm learning to look past that all and love them. Because God looks past all of that in me, and He loves me.

I think I went off on a tangent. Sorry. But my biggest disappointment is two-fold, and both parts have to do with Christians today.
Hardly anybody is really loving anybody before teaching them about Jesus.
Hardly anybody is teaching anybody about Jesus.

Listen to this. We had a field presentation (where missionaries present information on their fields and tell us why we should come there for our AIM field time - the 18 to 24 months after our classroom time here in Lubbock) on Tomsk, Russia. They told us that in the ENTIRE country of Russia, there are, at most, 1000 Christians. A thousand. That's all. In a country that's twice the size of the United States. There are nearly double that amount in the Sunset Church of Christ congregation alone - think about how many are in Lubbock. And in Texas. And in Oklahoma. And in the whole of America.
But guess what? Nobody's going. Nobody is going to Russia, where they only have 14 missionaries. Nobody's going to Albania. Nobody's going to Ecuador. Nobody's going to Scotland. Nobody's going to Peru. Nobody's going to Africa. Nobody's even going next door.
Guess why? We're too scared. I was too scared. In the month before I came to AIM, I had a lot of questions. I doubted by decision. Nobody really knew it, except maybe my dad, but even then it probably just came out as nervousness. But I seriously doubted that I could do this.
Me? Talk to people about God? Me? Go to a foreign country, with a different language, and tell them how I feel about Jesus? Me? Go right across the street and start up a conversation with somebody about their life? Me? Can I really do that?
I didn't think I could, and I'd bet my bottom dollar that there are other people in the world that feel that way. We don't go because we're scared. Because we question. Because we doubt. Or maybe because we just don't believe. Maybe because we just don't believe in God. Maybe because we just don't believe that God is that powerful, or that He can use us.
But you know what? He can. He can, and He did, and He will. One of my teachers says something that I really like -

"God works in, through, and in spite of people."

So my biggest disappointment, I guess, is really that nobody is listening to that. Nobody is believing that the world needs help and love, and they need Him, and we have to go take Him to them. Nobody else can do it but us. Nobody else can do it but me.

And I refuse to just sit by and not do anything.

Interactive.

This week is finals week, and it's been stressful to the max! Ugh. No good.
But it's definitely been good for me to go through all of this. I'm learning how to better manage my time, and I'm learning what NOT to do. I'm learning that it's important to work really hard, but it's also important to step back and take a break.
I am working really hard. I understand what a HUGE blessing it is to be here, and I'm so thankful to all the people it took to get me here - I don't want to let them down. I don't want to let GOD down. So I wake up every day, I go to school, and I try my hardest on every test and on every paper.

So I had an idea. I am kind of having trouble finding things to write about - I know how everything is here, but I don't know what all you know. I want to know what you want to know about my life here and my experience!
Basically, I'm asking you to post your questions. What do you want to know about what I'm going through? It'll be easier for me to understand what to write about if I know what you want to read.
And seriously, this blog is for YOU. It's for me to keep in touch with you, and for me to keep you updated on how my life is going. Because you helped get me here - you deserve to have your questions answered! Please don't hesitate to ask anything.
I can't wait to hear back from you! It'll be like an interactive blog - we'll share it. ;)

Love you guys! Miss you!

Bye Hair!

Hey everybody! I got my hair cut! It's really short, but I like it. Hope you do too! One of the AIM girls here has her beautician's license, and so she cuts our hair for free. Yay!

I'm so sorry it's been such a long time since I've written. Life here has really picked up and gotten busy - we had midterms and some big tests and some hard assignments, so I haven't had a whole lot of time lately. But I will try to get better at writing and putting pictures on here. I know I keep saying that, but it's so hard!

I really need to go and get some homework done, but hopefully I'll get to write more later. I love you guys, and I miss you. Thank you for helping to get me here...you are a blessing.

Overload.

Wow, what a busy weekend! From my birthday to Area Church to procrastinating studying, it's been crazy. I'm ready for some stability!

I never have enough time to do anything. Actually, that's not true. God gives me enough time to do things - I just don't manage it well. I really need to work on that.

I miss you guys. But I'm hanging in there. This week is going to be better.

What I make it.

So my birthday was good, but it was hard. It was really hard. I think it was because it was my first one away from home. I was really homesick. And I think I just had a lot of expectations for yesterday that didn't happen, so I felt let-down and sad.

But all together, when I look back on yesterday, I'll remember how loved I felt. My classmates really took care of me - they took me out to eat, made me a cake, broke curfew to get the eggs for that cake, made cupcakes, bought me cards, everything. I felt loved, cared for, cherished, and valued by people I only met a month ago. It was wonderful.

Nineteen, wow. I hope it's a good year. But then again, I know it is what I make it.

Birthday.

Today is my birthday. I am nineteen years old. How did that happen?

To my family members who were supposed to come down -
I'm sorry the plans didn't work out. I wish I could see all of you, because I miss you a lot today. And every day. But we'll work something out soon. And be reassured by the fact that I'm surrounded by people who love me a whole, whole lot.

My classmates are showing me God's love every day - especially today. It completely blows me away.

God is so good to me.

Out.

I'm sorry it's been so long. Life has been really insane! I'm pretty much scraping by on everything - food, laundry, energy, sleep - so it's hard to find time to do anything! Most of my time goes to homework, which is getting more difficult as we speak. Yikes!

So anyway. I'm sorry for not doing better on keeping you updated - I promise, I really will find a way to get pictures up soon. And once things start to settle down, and once there are clean clothes in my closet, and once there is edible food in our pantry...then it will be easier to come on here and write blogs every day. And I really want to do that - I want you guys to be informed of what's going on here. It just gets hard sometimes.

Encouragement from home is much appreciated. Whether it's in the form of a letter, a package, a phone call, a text message, a comment, anything...I love it and it helps me. But if it's a comment, please put your name! Isn't there a way you can click "other" and then put your name? Maybe you should try it. I really like knowing who they're from.

Love you guys. I'm hanging in there, so you better do the same.