Learning how again.

Okay, it's time to be real.

Ever since the break in, I have sat down at this computer, at this website, what feels like a million times.  And nothing ever comes out.

I loved blogging before it happened, but now I'm having trouble and I'm not sure why.  I have plenty of things to say, but they just don't come out right and then I get frustrated.

But I'm going to start trying again.  If it doesn't sound pretty or make sense, you'll have to forgive me.  I'm learning how again.

Thanks for your patience.

My 20th birthday was awesome.  On the 13th, the girls took me on a surprise scavenger hunt - blindfold, crazy hat, and mix tape included - around PE to celebrate my last day as a teenager.  It was incredible, one of the best times I've had here so far.  I love those girls!  On the 14th, the church sang the "Happy Birthday" song to me, which was embarrassing and nice.  Also, I got to request what Momma Judy made for Sunday lunch...I decided on grilled cheese, a veggie tray and dip, my favorite chips here (they are Doritos, in a green bag), and coconut cream pie. 

I don't actually like pie, but don't ask questions.  :)

Our new apartment is really working out well.  It's great to have an ocean view, and a place to call home - a place that we (Lord willing) won't have to move out of in a month.  God, seriously, blows me away.  I can't believe that He is so good to me.

I've started reading this book, Over the Underpass by Mike Yankoski.  It's so, so good.  The author was a student at at Christian college, and one day he decided to give up everything and live as a homeless person for five months.  The book describes the preparation and plans he makes, but that's the basic plot.  He wants to learn what it means to really be content in any situation - even when sleeping on the concrete in the rain.  He wants to learn how to treat people.  He wants to learn, firsthand, how the church treats people.  I think that's very brave.  

Homeless ministry is something I've been thinking about doing for a year now.  AIM opened my eyes to a lot of things, and that was one of them.  Someone once said that people won't really care about God if they don't even have any food in their stomach.  It's hard to understand that God provides things when you don't have a single thing.  So I'd like to feed people - spiritually, but physically too.  Let's start with some soup and bread and get you fed, then let's talk about you and your life.  After I earn the right to talk to you, we can talk about God.

Here's something he writes in the book.

A hungry man can be a fast learner.  When you come to a table with nothing but need, you are grateful for things you might have pushed aside before.  And when you kneel, hungry and broken at His table, you receive a grace from Him you might, at some other time, have completely missed.  You'll know this grace when you take it.  It goes deeper, quicker, and it burns all the way down.

Love you guys.  Don't forget that we're all homeless and broken and hurting and trying, every day.  Let God use you to be that person who helps others!  And let Him have grace towards you.

-Tara.

Even though it's actually the second Wednesday in September...

Here's my third brown bag.

Hey AIMers and AIM-related persons.  Welcome to the first Wednesday in September.  Can you believe you've been in AIM nearly a month now?  Let me just warn you - time is going to fly this fast for as long as you're in AIM.  So get ready!

I just wanted to share a quick story with you this week, but let me start by saying that our team has changed in some crazy ways since December.  We've lost 3 teammates - two girls, one guy.  When a teammate decides to leave, for whatever reason, it changes things in big ways.  Relationships within the team change and grow, and you adjust - because you have to.  Life changes, and a new normal establishes itself.  It's one of those "sad good" things, you know?  Like graduation or getting a new pair of Converse because your favorite pair have just worn out.  It just has to happen, even though it's sad.

So, needless to say, our team has been through some crazy times.  We've gone up and down, and I can say pretty confidently that I am closer to them now than I ever thought possible.  Sasha and Diana are like the sisters that I never thought I would have.  We live together, we work together, and we grow together every day.  We've had some very scary times together, and some frustrating times together.  But most of all, we've had a lot of crazy times that we will never forget.  Which brings me to the story!

A few weeks ago, we went grocery shopping.  Now, this wasn't just a trip to the store to buy a few things - this was a trip to the store to stock up for our new apartment.  We spent over 125 American dollars on groceries!  On the way back to our flat, we were thinking about how many trips it was going to take us to get all the groceries up...and we knew it would be ridiculous.  Four trips, at least!  Luckily, when we got here, we saw that there was a grocery cart in the parking garage of our apartment building...how convenient!  So we loaded that thing up and pushed it in the building.  But then the craziest thing happened.

Sasha got the grocery cart stuck in the doors of the elevator.

The elevator in this building has a tendency to stop a little too early, so it doesn't line up properly with the floor.  Because of that, we had to actually lift the grocery cart into the elevator - which took a while.  We had a LOT of groceries.  :)

So the doors started to close and Sasha couldn't stop them...and they shut on the cart.  We laughed so much!  I don't remember how we opened them again - I think someone just reached in and pushed a button.  We finally got the cart in there, and made a solemn vow to never have that many groceries again!  Oh, the crazy times we've had in South Africa.

You know, one thing we've always prayed about as a team is to be able to laugh through anything.  I'm a firm believer that you'll be okay if you can just laugh, you know?  Through it all, we've been able to laugh.  I love that God has blessed us with each other, and with these situations that always crack us up.

So this week, notice yourself laughing and be thankful.  Be grateful to God for blessing you with that specific moment of happiness, with that specific person or group of people.  He cares about us being happy.  Isn't that an amazing thought?

We're praying for you guys here, every day.  Hope you had an amazing trip to Mountain View...that one was one of my favorites.  Take care of each other, learn a lot, and keep praying for us too.  We love you!

-Tara

[Shout outs]

To Mr. Kris Smith - Didn't your parents ever tell you that having an injured foot is not a valid reason for making hateful picture comments on Facebook?

To Pat Sheaffer - I'm rereading Luke, and remembering what you taught me.  Thank you.  Know that you made a lasting impression!

To Barb - Do you remember when you drove me home from school one day when I was sick?  I'm not sure if I ever properly said thank you for that.  So, thank you for always going above and beyond.

To Lily - Hey, remember that time you gave me a minor concussion right when we were leaving for our Mountain View trip?  That was fun.  So was when our Hart Area Church group made omelettes for everyone!

To Logan - I'll never be near an ablution block and not think of you.

To Sarah Beth Hall - I saw those crazy pictures.  Looks like someone had a good time at Mountain View!

To Brent - Hello Buddy!

To Thomas - Have you ever heard a song called "Moment of Truth" by a band called FM Static?  I think you would sound nice singing it.  It's way cool.  I'm praying for you today!

People in 3D.

I got to "talk to" some of my family just a few minutes ago, on Skype.

It was really kind of strange though, because they could see me and hear me, but I couldn't see or hear them.  I could just read what my Dad was typing.  So it was kind of crazy.  But I showed them around our apartment, and I talked to them for a little while.  I wish so badly I could have seen their faces and heard their voices - but one thing at a time, you know?

It's a funny thing, homesickness.  I find myself missing things about people that I didn't know I would miss.  When it's been a while since you've seen someone, it's hard to remember what their nose looks like, or how tall they actually are.  It's hard for me to place certain things about people - their eyes, their hands, their laugh, what it feels like to sit by them on the couch, what it feels like to hug them.  I can remember some things about them, like hair color or their smile or their favorite shirt, but it's hard to make those things come together into a 3D image of who they are.

Sure, I miss Sonic and Dr. Pepper and Wal-Mart and Target and my car.

But I miss being around people in 3D.

Love you guys.  I miss you a lot today.

-Tara.

Audio reminder from LBK.

Go listen to this.

Man, I need to be a better AIMer.  Being an AIMer isn't everything, but being an AIMer stands for something.  

Willingness.

Compassion.

Flexibility.

Diligence.

God put me in AIM for a reason.  God put me, as an AIMer, in South Africa for a reason.

I have no right to forget that.

-Tara.

Brownbag Numero Dos.

Hey AIMers, and happy Wednesday.

I'm writing this from our new apartment, which is crazy to me.  I now live with Diana and Sasha, my teammates, in a second-story flat with a beautiful ocean view.  We had to move from our last house (which we shared with two girls from last year's team) because it was in a part of town that wasn't very safe.  In less than a month, we had three cars broken into in front of our house, one attempted break in at the house, and one actual break in at the house.  It was, honestly, one of the craziest months of my life.

It's strange to think that I have packed up all of my stuff and moved three times since being here in South Africa.  When we first got here, we stayed in a big house with the AIMers from the 06 class.  Then we moved into the house in the bad part of town.  And now we live here. Three times we've loaded up our big suitcases, three times we've taken our clothes off of the hangers, three times we've put posters back up on the walls.  I've zipped and unzipped my red suitcase so much that the zipper has broken!  We've gotten to be pro's at packing in a hurry and never looking back.

It takes a toll eventually, you know?  Here we are, in a completely different country, very far from all we've known, and we're trying to set up a home for ourselves.  We get all unpacked and cozy and familiar with the area, and then we move.

It makes me think of Luke 9.57-58.  Jesus is on His way to Jerusalem with his disciples when someone says, "I will follow You wherever You go!"  Jesus answers, "Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head."  Lots of questions come to my head when I read this, and most of the time the true answers are not ones I like.  If I'm being honest with myself, could I really say that I'll follow Jesus wherever He goes?  I mean, He says it Himself - He has no place to lay His head.  When He's worn out and exhausted and can't go on any more, He has no place to go.  Do I want to follow someone that closely?  Do I love Him enough to follow Him to that extreme?  To go with Him that far?  To not leave Him and find somewhere else to go?

It's hard.  It really is.  It's hard and exhausting to live from a suitcase, to pack and unpack, to not even have a place in mind when you say you want to go "home."  But Jesus could do it.  He did it.  And He at least deserves for me to give it my best shot.  In the end, it's worth it.  

So I encourage you to be flexible.  You're going to hear that word a lot in AIM - take it to heart.  Be willing to adjust and give a little.  You'll grow from it, I know you will.  I did!  I also encourage you to get ready to be a wanderer.  Get ready to be confused about where your "home" really is.  And get ready to put your heart into a lot of places.  Don't forget - there are good people everywhere.  There is work to be done everywhere.

Thanks for listening.  I hope you guys are having a great week!  Hang in there, and be Jesus.  Don't forget - we pray for you.

-Tara.

[Shout outs]

Sarah Beth Hall - Thanks for drinking that Vanilla Dr. Pepper for me.  Now...have you ever had chili cheese fries?!

Zach Montandon - Remember when we talked on the phone during Christmas break?  Those were the days.  

Kristen Pope - Hello lovely lady!  I am so glad you are in AIM.  I couldn't be prouder of you.

Tony - Man, I miss you.  I wish I could be there to see you and Beth on the big day.  Maybe you could Skype it!

Beth - Seriously, I'm pretty sure the PESA girls screamed when we found out you guys were engaged.  You are going to be the bestest couple ever!  I do your little dance every once in a while, and it makes me laugh.

Ben Walker - Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeeero?

Alicia - Remember that time in Mexico when Brent Pendergraft was sign language-ing something about a butterfly?  That kid is crazy.  But I miss the way you smile.

Josh Tucker - I read your "bad day" note the other day, and it was awesome.  Seriously.  Thank you.

Logan - You left your "100 Best Guitar Solos Ever In The History Of the Whole Entire World and Universe" cd here.  Can I copy it?  Also - I've been praying for you a whole lot lately.

Barb - I remember the first time I ever talked to you.  It was on the phone, and I was calling about how big the mattresses were in the apartments so that I could buy sheets.  Thanks for always being reassuring - from then until now.  You rock.

Pat - I have no bad memories of you.  Thanks for all that you do, and for letting your light shine so brightly.

Kris - We practiced "The Look" the other day, and you should have seen Diana.  You would have been proud. 

Hoot the horn.

I've been needing to sit down and write an update for a while, but for some reason every time I open this page, nothing comes out.  Let's give it a try.

We have a new apartment.  It's on the second floor of an apartment building that has good security.  The view from the huge windows in our living room (and from the room Sasha and I share) is completely beach.  There aren't any buildings in front of us, so it's an "unobstructed" view of the ocean.  It is, however, pretty loud during the day because there's a major road that runs in front of our building.  The taxis here are nothing like taxis back home - they are fifteen passenger vans that usually have crazy slogans on the side and loud music blaring from the radio.  Whoever rides shotgun usually hangs out the window and yells the destination of the taxi.  They honk (aka "hoot the horn") a lot.  So we're going to have to get used to the traffic sounds.  Also, we're not far from the PE Airport, so we hear the planes leaving.  And there's a bar (Gypsy Jack's) just across the way and I'm pretty sure that they were having karaoke a few nights ago, because the music was loud and weird.

But it's much better than where we were.

Not that where we were was so completely awful - God really provided and blessed us with that place.  For about a month I got to live with 5 other girls who have come to mean more to me than I ever imagined.  Going through a crazy experience can really bring you close together, you know?

Anyway.  We're out of that house and into an apartment.  

I've never been more thankful for a move.

This week should really start our "official" work.  Diana and I are going to a primary school tomorrow and Thursday, soup kitchen on Wednesday morning, team small group and youth events on Friday night.  It doesn't sound like a lot, but the days go by quicker than I'd like to admit.  I'm still searching for ways to plug in, and for the energy to do it, but things are gettting better.

It's so hard.  It really is.  I've learned a lot of things about myself that I don't really like - I have serious pride issues, and a hesitancy when it comes to letting myself really care for people.  Not really sure where those come from, but I'm thankful that I at least know that they exist.  

Better to be painfully aware of your problems than to be oblivious and never grow, you know?

But the point is, I'm trying.  Every day.  

That's really all I know to say for now, so I hope that's okay.

I miss you guys, and I love you.

My first ever brownbag.

Every Wednesday, AIMers and the AIM staff get together and have lunch.  They read emails that AIMers on the field send in.  It was a really cool thing for me to hear letters from people all over.  It was something I'll always remember.

Needless to say, it's very cool to be able to do this right now.  Surreal, but cool. 

So here's what I sent in.

Hey guys.  

I'm just going to go ahead and say it - I cannot believe that you are here.  Or there.  Or whatever it is!  Because you being there - in AIM, in Lubbock, in the Sunset Church building, in the AIM classroom (which, you should know, will be cold most of the time) - means that I really am here - on my field, in South Africa, in the living room of our house, on this crazy pink leather couch.  It also means that my classmates are out on their fields - on 4 different continents, speaking different languages, meeting new people, having their own challenges and times of growth.  It's hard to accept some of those things.  I miss Lubbock a whole lot, if we're being honest.

My time in Lubbock meant a lot to me.  It was a time of changing, a time of learning, and a time of having a lot of fun with my classmates.  My best advice is to take it one day at a time, take a whole lot of pictures, make memories, and let God grow you.  Time on the field can be very difficult, so take every opportunity to learn and prepare yourself.  And if it ever feels hard, rest assured - you can do it.  You can.  Trust me - but trust God.  He has you there for a reason, so be there.  Be all there.

Alright, now I am done preaching and telling you things that you've already heard.  (By the way, that doesn't make them any less true!)  It's time for a story!  Those were always my favorite thing about brownbags - the stories from AIMers who had been where I was, who made it through, and who were in awesome places doing awesome things.

Not really sure if this counts as an "awesome thing," but it was fun to me!

Carolyne (from the 06 team) had her 21st birthday party last Friday night.  Turning 21 here in South Africa is a big thing - it symbolizes turning into an adult, getting the freedom to come and go as you please.  But one bad thing about becoming an adult - you have to throw your own birthday party!  So as a part of Carolyne's big night, she had some friends come who were ballroom dancers.  (Now, that sounded really cool and fancy to me, but it turns out that they teach dancing in the schools when you're growing up.  So for them, it was just normal!)  They asked for volunteers - about 15 girls went up there (including me and my two teammates!), but only 5 guys.  It was kind of awkward when they asked us to find a partner, but it turned out to be just fine.

Now for the neat part of the story.  There is this guy here named Kuda.  He has lived in both Zimbabwe and South Africa, and he is one of the sweetest people I've ever met.  He asked me to dance, and it turns out he actually knew how to really dance - he taught me how to waltz!  It was so much fun.  I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was just one of those moments where it hit me that while there are lots of bad things in this world - lots of sin, lots of pain, lots of wrong choices - there are also good people everywhere.  Kuda has been a great friend for the short time I've known him; he's been kind, patient, and extremely helpful.  It is amazing to me that I have come 10,000 miles away from home and still found good people.

So if you're frustrated, and missing home, have open eyes and see that there are good people all around.  Put your pride aside and get out there.  There are memories to make and  good news to share.

Know that you are prayed for and loved deeply - even all the way from South Africa!

-Tara.

Philippians 1.9-11

[Shout outs]

Matt Hoadley - Hey friend.  Remember that one time we sat by each other at Camp Adventure?

Ivanka - Your sister is crazy.  She really is.  But we're taking good care of her, and she's giving all of us new hair styles, so everybody is happy!  I hope you're enjoying Lubbock.  We think about you a lot here.

Nate - I miss your hugs.

All Oklahoma AIMers - Hey hey!  I'm from Oklahoma too.  Do you guys miss it yet?  It might be hard to believe, but you might one day.  Even though it's crazy hot!

Matt Baggett - I miss you a whole lot, Maggot-y Baggetty.  You should come visit.

Pamela - Your sister is amazing.  She drove today and nearly killed us, but she's still amazing.  I miss your smile and encouragement.

Carla - Remember our Share the Word class?  I was so nervous!  Good thing I had you there to keep me calm.  :)

Logan - I was just thinking of when we got to the airport, and how after we hugged you said, "Well that was awkward."  It made me laugh a lot.  Also, we're moving in three days, and I am sad to leave your gum behind in the tree.